Managing expectations

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Jun 8, 2016
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Ok this post may come off as ridiculous so my apologies in advance.

My 8 YO DD is a decent ballplayer. The problem is she doesn't look like Lindor at SS or Mike Trout at the plate (or Orlando Cabrera and Manny Ramirez if we want to go back further). In my mind when I see her catch a ball going to her right at SS I know what it looks like when Lindor does it and she obviously doesn't look like Lindor. Same thing with her swing. It would be easier if I could mentally file away a picture of what she looked like doing these same things last year to reassure myself that she is improving but at that moment in time the only picture I have at my disposal is somebody doing it at the highest level..if that makes sense. It is especially true when I am hitting her ground balls because it is easy for me to see what she is doing (when I am pitching to her it is harder for me to see what is going on..which is good :D )

Now I know expecting an 8 YO girl to look like Lindor at SS or Trout hitting is silly but my question is what sort of mental strategies do you DFPs use to overcome this? Maybe I am the only idiot who has this problem and if so then feel free to go tell me to see a shrink..my wife has already done that so you would be in good company. Now I will say that this is really for me since I have gotten pretty good at not letting my DD see my "frustration"..but it kind of does ruin it for me sometimes when 95% of the time, whether she is successful or not, all I really see is what she isn't doing correctly.
 
Jul 14, 2018
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You've got a long road ahead of you, if she did everything perfectly right now she'd be pretty bored by 12U.

My own DD (11) looks at pictures of herself from 8U and laughs -- "Look at my swing! I was terrible!!" Watching them get better every day is what makes being a softball parent so great. Relish the flaws, and enjoy the show while she works to correct each one of them.

Also, your greatest memories will be when she has the "breakthrough" moments. She'll work hard at making one improvement, and when she does you're going to feel like dancing around the diamond. That's what it's all about.
 
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Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
You've got a long road ahead of you, if she did everything perfectly right now she'd be pretty bored by 12U.

My own DD (11) looks at pictures of herself from 8U and laughs -- "Look at my swing! I was terrible!!" Watching them get better every day is what makes being a softball parent so great. Relish the flaws, and enjoy the show while she works to correct each one of them.

Also, your greatest memories will be when she has the "breakthrough" moments. She'll work hard at making one improvement, and when she does you're going to feel like dancing around the diamond. That's what it's all about.

The bolded is the problem. When you watch them every day it is difficult to see the progress, at least for me it is.
 
May 1, 2018
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Been there. I still play and my son is a select player who is 2 yrs older, so when something isn't smooth and it's more mechanical that's when I have to readjust my views. Sooner or later those movements will be burned into their body and it will be more natural....Just reps upon reps to get there.
Patience is a virtue.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
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I've watched you at the field 20 years ago. I've watched you at the field 10 years ago. I've watched you at the field last year. What have I watched? I've watched you pacing the sidelines during games yelling instructions every play. I've watched your son/daughter worried about what is coming at them if they make a mistake. And every time I've watched you, you're making demands on your son/daughter that are unrealistic for their age. Too many times I've watched your son or daughter quit because you've no longer allowed it to be fun. I keep watching and shake my head.

I used to be you, a long time ago.

It's a marathon, not a sprint. The pros you named are freaks of nature and looked like that as an 8yr old. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
I've watched you at the field 20 years ago. I've watched you at the field 10 years ago. I've watched you at the field last year. What have I watched? I've watched you pacing the sidelines during games yelling instructions every play. I've watched your son/daughter worried about what is coming at them if they make a mistake. And every time I've watched you, you're making demands on your son/daughter that are unrealistic for their age. Too many times I've watched your son or daughter quit because you've no longer allowed it to be fun. I keep watching and shake my head.

I used to be you, a long time ago.

It's a marathon, not a sprint. The pros you named are freaks of nature and looked like that as an 8yr old. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of this is accurate, some of it is not. I do pace at times during the game but do it down in LF and I do not yell instructions nor "come at my DD". I no longer go to her practices because the temptation to say something was too great so I just drop her off now and go to a coffee shop. Like I said I realize that expecting her to look like the best baseball players (or softball players for that matter) on the planet is unrealistic but what I need to figure out is how to weed out the good stuff going on and stop only seeing the bad stuff so that I can enjoy it.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
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Don't worry about the mental side of things. At that age work on the physical side of it. Work on one skill at a time. Be it glove work, footwork, throwing or pop-ups. If you throw too much at them at once it becomes a jumble and most of it is lost. Let her work on a skill until she understands the how and why she's doing something till she's doing it right several times in row. As her skill sets will grow she'll improve exponentially as she builds off of each preceding skill.
 
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Mar 1, 2016
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If you see 100 things she is doing wrong and focus on all 100 things you’ll go nuts. Focus on TEACHING her how to fix 1 thing today and forget about the other 99. When you see improvement on that 1 thing today, you’ll maintain your sanity. You may have to work on it again in the future, and that’s okay. I know it’s hard to forget about the other 99, but you have to for today. They’ll still be there tomorrow for you to pick one and forget about the other 98.

I was out in the yard yesterday with my 17yo and my 13yo, both in different stages of development. Who do think I was getting frustrated with? Me. I was getting frustrated with me. They were both having different problems, but the biggest problem was ME not being able to fix my girls instantly. Once I realized that I was able to get back into “think about the problem and teach the solution” mode.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
Don't worry about the mental side of things. At that age work on the physical side of it. Work on one skill at a time. Be it glove work, footwork, throwing or pop-ups. If you throw too much at them at once it becomes a jumble and most of it is lost. Let her work on a skill until she understands the how and why she's doing something till she's doing it right several times in row. As her skill sets will grow she'll improve exponentially as she builds off of each preceding skill.

Thanks. Yes I try and approach it that way and I know she is improving. It is just that I have watched so much baseball in my life that I guess I take what MLB players can do for granted. For example, this kid is supposed to be one of the best fielding SS for her age, committed to OU I think. If my DD's footwork was like hers on the play up the middle at 35s in the video it would make me cringe. It doesn't look right to me (she isn't replacing her feet correctly to get herself in a good position to throw). There is like a 0.01% chance my DD is ever as good as this kid yet I would still look at such things and have issues. That is the problem that I am having..and I know it is my problem and I need to fix it :rolleyes:


 
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