First major setback

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Jun 14, 2018
172
28
With tryout season upon us, DD has found out what true disappointment is. We tried out for a team and got an unofficial offer that night just to get an email 3 days later that they were no longer interested. DD is crushed by the news from the coach. I emailed to see what she needed to work on and improve with a chance of coming back in the winter if there was a spot or maybe next year. Why I waited I took DD to another tryout that she wanted to go to (knowing she wasn't going to make this team) and ended up getting the email that she had not been selected.

I got an email back from both coaches and they both said about the same thing. She is dragging her bat through the zone, needs to work on blocking the ball, receiving the ball, and shorten her arm circle when throwing (puzzled by this one). They both said she had great speed on the bases (3.49 sec home to first at 11), tracks the ball really well in the outfield, and fielded the ball great for a lefty with throwing to first.

DD and I have not had a chance to sit down and talk about what she does really well and what she needs to improve on from the coaches. She just knows that she didn't make either team. Most of what the coach's told her she needed to work on is things I have been on her butt about all season. Things we have worked on all season and she does well then goes back to doing the wrong way.

I think one thing with the catching stuff is lack of strength. We talked about it in the winter and she started doing wall sits and lunges to help with her legs. I told her if she really wanted to help with throwing she needed to start doing push-ups and sit-ups. DD did really good at doing these for awhile and her performance took off. Then she quit and her play started to suffer.

I guess what I really need to know is it to early for her to be doing those workouts? Should I be pushing her to do them if she does not want to? Do them with her (no wall sits for me anymore) when she is at my house?
 
Mar 8, 2016
313
63
Fort83
Whatever you do you want to make sure she is still having fun. DD is now 16. My recommendation is to sit down with her and ask her future goals. Have fun playing softball, make the HS team, play in college, etc. Then you can make a list of what she needs to do to accomplish this goal. When you remind/push her to do the extra things you can tell her all you are doing is helping her reach her stated goals. It has worked pretty well as a system for dd to be able to remind her what she needs to do and why.
Before every tb season i used to sit down with her and tell her if she played tb the expectations were that she would put in extra work. If she was getting hitting lessons she would hit at home.
At 11 dd was barely playing on a bad tb team. Now she has made the all state team and has had her first scholarship offer. Lots of things can change if they work hard. DD used her early failures to push her to work harder.

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Feb 4, 2015
641
28
Massachusetts
She is only 11. She has SO much time. Don't take the fun out of the game, or she will likely walk away from it. The drive to improve must come from her. You can facilitate, guide, and help, but she must decide whether she is going to put in the effort. And even if she doesn't have the drive at 11, it doesn't mean it won't kick-in at 14 if she is loving the game and wants to get to that next level.
For now, I'd work on skills and mechanics of hitting and defense, the strength doesn't matter if she can't do these things. A girl who has great mechanics, especially hitting, will make any top team. Every team needs hitters! Who cares how many push-ups and wall-squats she can do if her hitting mechanics are not solid. And I guarantee, this is not about strength because at 11 good players come in all shapes and sizes.

As a parent with a DD going into her junior yr, I can tell you it all goes way too fast. Whatever you do, just try to 'enjoy the ride with her and let her decide where that journey goes.
 
If she really wants to play she has to get stronger, faster and work harder. Just because she didn’t make the team doesn’t mean give up. What ever position she plays. Practice it with her at home or at a park. The more you practice the better she will be. It builds your bond together and when she is doing better try picking up on a team. If she gives up she didn’t really want to play in the 1st place. Michael Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team.
 
Jul 16, 2018
120
18
Does your daughter play any other sports than softball? At 11 I think the exercises (Especially body weight) wont be harmful at all.
On the arm circle confusion - What exactly are you confused on that?

Im assuming you were trying out for a more competitive situation and the coaches had very specific skill sets in mind. At 11 I dont like that at all but it is what it is. But as stated before you just gotta make it fun and be supportive. Maybe let it sit for a couple of weeks then sit down with her and list out the reasons why they said no. And stay away from "We talked about this" because believe she knows.
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
7,132
113
Dallas, Texas
1) What are her goals? Why is she playing softball What does she want out of the game?

2) All high level players go to a *GOOD* hitting coach. All high level catchers go to a catching coach. The critiques she received all reflect a need for a catching coach. Everyone else (outfield and infield) get some specialized training. Your DD is *NOT* going to get the training she needs to be a good hitter or a good catcher from a TB team.

3) If she want to be a high level player, she can't be both an outfielder and a catcher. If she is fast, she needs to work on becoming an outfielder or a middle infielder. It sounds to me like the coaches were suggesting that she become an outfielder. As to catching, you need to take a good look at the physical size of you and her mother. Is she going to have the physique to be a catcher?

Most of what the coach's told her she needed to work on is things I have been on her butt about all season. Things we have worked on all season and she does well then goes back to doing the wrong way.

Being on her "butt about it" is a waste of time and energy. She has to practice the skills everyday.

I guess what I really need to know is it to early for her to be doing those workouts? Do them with her (no wall sits for me anymore) when she is at my house?

She needs skill training, not strength training.

She is 11YOA. She will have a whole new body in 2 years. Then, she should start with the strength training.

Should I be pushing her to do them if she does not want to?

Kids need to be reminded to brush their teeth, pick up their room and wipe. So, of course, some amount of pushing is necessary. A parent can go too far, of course.

What does she like to do? What does she enjoy doing with you? Do those things with her.

My DD#1 had to be pushed a little to practice pitching. When she began to practice, she enjoyed it.

My DD#3 loved shooting hoops. I didn't have to do anything other than ask if she wanted to play a little basketball. I would have to be the one to tell her that it was time to quit.
 
Mar 1, 2016
195
18
My 17yo got turned down by every team she tried out for over a 2 year period (12u and 14u), many of which no longer exist. She even got turned down by 7 teams a year ago. Two of those teams fell apart, and another only won 3 games in the past year, so what do they know about picking players? Everyone had a different excuse for not picking her up - weak arm, slow runner, weak bat, not aggressive enough, too short, blah blah blah. Then she made a team we didn’t think she had a snowball’s chance in hell at making because she had a strong arm, strong bat, she was aggressive and confident and smart. She’s still short and she still runs slow, but so what?

The point is that sometimes it takes a while for the player to figure things out on their own, no matter how much dad rides her butt. And sometimes a player gets turned down by dozens of substandard teams before landing on a good one. It’s important for her to understand that a champion isn’t someone who succeeds every time. A champion is someone who works hard and never gives up.


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Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
Rule #1 of tryouts: Don't believe anything a coach says to you until you have an official offer in hand. NOTHING. We've had one of DD's previous coaches tell me multiple times, "[DD] will always have a place on my team" and all sorts of other horse puckey and then he cut her for a new shiny replacement. I had another coach tell me by text multiple times "When your DD is on my team, she'll be the starter" and then he never gave us an offer.

Teach your DD Rule #1 too. Or better yet, don't share any of the flattering things coach says about her until she gets the offer. It's the cynical approach, but the realistic one and it's best for preservation of your DD's self-confidence.

ETA: One of my DD's most disappointing experiences happened about 4 years ago while still in rec ball. She made the All-Star squad for Spring Select season, but got bumped to the "B" select team for summer. All the other girls returned to the "A" squad but her. Pretty devastating for a 10-year old. Fast-forward to now. That HC now has a travel team that he is trying to elevate from B+ to A level. He texted my DH a couple of weeks ago about having DD try out. We were lukewarm and non-committal. Last weekend, he sent a lengthy email that included the following: "I think [DD] is a heck of a talent. The biggest thing I can offer: I believe in [DD] and the player she can become this season in all phases of the game. We're planning to take 12 players, and we're going to invest in every one of them. I'd love for our team to help [DD] reach her potential as a complete ballplayer, including developing into a consistent, feared hitter!" Maybe it's a mass email, but I don't think so. Point being: things can change and even a coach who rejects your DD once could reappear in her life later. You never know.
 
Last edited:
Jun 10, 2018
19
3
shorten her arm circle when throwing (puzzled by this one).

First, it's tough being a catcher as a lefty.

I assume she's got a long wind up like an outfielder and they want it shorter and quicker at catcher.

I wouldn't worry too much about working out. Get her playing other sports - hoops/soccer/gymnastics/whatever - and her strength will improve as she grows.

Also, proper technique can alleviate some lack of strength. Perhaps private lessons for hitting and throwing will help her out.

Maybe focus on OF since she's fast and has a good glove.
 
Jul 16, 2018
120
18
2) All high level players go to a *GOOD* hitting coach. All high level catchers go to a catching coach. The critiques she received all reflect a need for a catching coach. Everyone else (outfield and infield) get some specialized training. Your DD is *NOT* going to get the training she needs to be a good hitter or a good catcher from a TB team.

I thanked your post because I agree with what you are saying. But this quote to me is just mind blowing. I thought this was the whole reason we send our kids to play on teams etc. I know and understand what you mean. but still.
 

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