In need of some advice

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softgabby

Gear Empress
Mar 10, 2016
1,073
83
Just behind home plate
I know this is an unusual part of the forum for me to be posting on as I'm not a softball parent...but a girl starting her senior year of high school. But I think of you guys as extended family and value you guys opinion so I don't feel as awkward coming to you guys for a little life advice like if I was your 17 year old daughter. So here's at it.

Our summer softball season is coming to an end this coming weekend which frees up time for cheer and I can pick up some more hours as a lifeguard at the pool before the school year officially starts. We had a pretty decent season although I could only play in 3 tournaments this season and hopefully, I get to play this fall. Also school starts up the last week of August for us here in Pennsylvania (I can't believe I'm going into my final year of high school...where'd the time go).

Well, I'll be ending my summer job Labor Day weekend which means I won't be pulling in summer money which I liked having for buying some softball stuff I needed. My mom and dad had gone to their investment advisor, who helps out financially some struggling businesses in our area. She is also a large contributor to the softball team I compete on (got bumped to 18u) and my sister's team (she's 16u). Well, she knows about me being a softball player and her daughter is in the same class as I am as we're friends.

I've kinda been moping around the house since learning over the weekend my great grandmother passed away which we're supposed to be going to New York for her viewing and then she's being buried back here in PA. But, mom and dad came home from their meeting and their investment advisor was saying that one of the businesses she helps with financially is looking for someone to be a server. For some reason I was thought of. Anyway, mom and dad asked if I'd be interested in picking up some time as a waitress at a diner.

I know a few friends are waitresses and they tell me the job is rough but they love it. One of my friends that does it is a teammate in high school and another plays travel ball. I said to my parents I'd think about it. I haven't given them an answer. I am what I think to be a good kid that has her head right on her shoulders. I'm an "A" student...I'm top 3 in my class...I'm kinda popular in school (I'm not like uber popular like the captain of the cheer squad this year who I'm friends with but we're not close friends and we run in totally different social circles in school)...and I'm involved in a few clubs at school.

My dad thinks I should do it and learn the value of hard work even though I already work hard balancing school, sports and having a social life. My mom is differnet and don't think I should do it and should work more on my softball skills and focus on having fun and building memories since this is my last year of high school. I would like to make some of my own money even though I know working will cut into practice, school work and social time. But I also know when I get to college...I'll have to work anyway to make money and most importantly to gain work experience.

If I was your 17 year old daughter coming to you with this, what would you tell me? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I know this is totally off topic...but I need some advice so I have some idea of what I want to do,
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
I got my first job at 16 to pay for my car insurance and gas, and to have spending money. I started in retail but soon switched to waiting tables, which I did through most of college (switching to other jobs closer to graduation). Personally I will encourage my kids to work at 16. If they want a car, they'll have to. I don't see teenagers as kids though. I see them as young adults. IMO too many kids are tossed into the deep end of the real world at 18 or, worse yet, still living off mom and dad at 25. So I suppose I agree with your dad. Balancing a social life does not count as work, sorry ;)
 
Jan 22, 2011
1,610
113
The semesters both myself and my wife did the best in college were the ones we had part-time jobs. Forced us to be more organized and have better time management.

My DD turns 13 soon and I am shortly going to talk to her about taking the youth umpire training and umpire some games next spring, even if it is only a couple. She needs more than just playing sports on her activities for college applications. Her first pitching coach owns a coffee shop a 10-15 minute walk from our house, so when she is old enough I want her to apply for a job there.

My friend was a varsity softball coach for almost 10 years. Some of his better players over the years had part-time jobs, were on student council, and played 3 sports in High School. A few decided to skip softball senior year to concentrate on end of senior year activities. Almost half his seniors softball performance dropped from distractions the last half of the season.

Is there a way to do a few shifts a week between now and the start of school, then just do one or two shifts a week once school starts?

Good luck! Welcome to some of the tough choices almost adult-hood requires.

PS- I consider many of the players I've coached over the years 'almost family', and most of my favorites were/are catchers.
 
Last edited:
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
I didn't get my first part time job till college but I also didn't get my license until I was 18 and didn't have some of the expenses some kids (not sure about you) have these days e.g. cell phone bills, etc. I did have a GF my junior and senior year, but she was pretty low maintenance. I worked hard at both baseball and school my Senior year, took my class ranking from 30 out of 700 kids to 11th by getting A+ in all of my courses ( I didn't put too much time into my courses before that....) and had a decent year in baseball ( I was still recovering from an ACL tear my Junior year). The hard work I put in my Senior year towards school and baseball helped me in both college academics
and college baseball imo.

Here is what I would say. If you think you able to maintain your grades while taking the most difficult courses you can your senior year (don't coast!!) and put the proper amount of time into an activity which you will only play for a small amount of time more (4 years if you are going to play college) and still pick up some part time shifts, then do it if you need the money. However if you find it too much to handle and your school or sports activities are suffering, I would probably quit the job. You are going to be working the rest of your life...

That said my wife played 2 sports in HS (track and volleyball) and always had a part time job and she is the one who manages the money in our family (pays the bills etc) so perhaps I don't know what I am talking about :rolleyes:
 
Last edited:
Feb 4, 2015
641
28
Massachusetts
First, enjoy your senior year, it's the only one you get!

Regarding the job, see if you can pick the number of hours you feel comfortable with. Maybe start with 10/wk to give you a little spending money. If it's too much you can quit. If you can handle more, you can ask for more.

Also, just because this particular job fell in your lap doesn't mean it's the right one for you in terms of work type, hours, time/days of work, flexibility, etc. I'd encourage you to apply to a few places that interest you and pick the one that will be best for you and provide the flexibility needed for your senior year. Places are always looking for smart, reliable, part-time employees... you're less of a commodity than you may realize.

Best of luck!
 
May 1, 2018
659
63
Congrats on being a seemly responsible person.
Job: Usually I would say yeah it's a good learning experience. But someone who is balancing TB, cheer, and her senior year ..... I would suggest you focus on your sports and studies and make the most with your friends. As long as you aren't sitting around the house and your parents can afford for you to not be working.
 
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
I think that working can be character-building and it certainly teaches skills, but it should not be done at the expense of grades. For my kids, anyone who does not have an activity or who has way too much time on their hands (spent on gaming or social media) needs to get a job. Anyone who is keeping their grades up and participating in worthwhile extracurricular activities or sports does not have to get a job. If that changes, then we will revisit the issue. And a social life is important for a developing adolescent too.
 
Oct 19, 2009
1,277
38
beyond the fences
Every family dynamic is different. My softball player never had time to work as travel ball eats up lots of summer weeks.
While she was in HS (and now in college) we told her that doing well in school was her 'job' and #1 priority. She has reaped the benefits of
attending one of the top schools on the planet and is doing extremely well there as she enters her 4th year.

As a 17 yo, you should accept guidance from your parents, but ultimately it is up to you to shape your future goals, and that starts now.
Talk to your parents, let them know what your ideal plan is and ask for their support. Best of luck in following your dreams!
 
May 18, 2009
1,314
38
Very commendable asking for advice. Maybe this decision isn’t an either or. You can explore the work schedule to see if they can accommodate your softball schedule. The high school my daughter will be going to holds practice from 3-5 pm. The game schedules are Tuesday and Thursday. There’s a lot of time after 5 pm to waitress and the softball season isn’t that long.

I tend to side with your mom. You will be working for 20-40 years from this point forward in your life. You will only have one senior season.
 
Apr 16, 2013
1,113
83
As others have said, school is #1, period. If your grades suffer by even 1%, then you make more time for school.

That being said, I can offer advice on being a server. Some of it really depends on the restaurant and the prices of their food. "Standard" tip is 15%. If most meals are in the $15+ range, you can make pretty good money for a part time job. I'm also just being honest, but being pretty and having a nice smile will get you better tips. As a male, it didn't matter how great a server I was, the girls made more. Also, you walk away with some cash every night. I don't know how credit card tips are done now, but 20 years ago the mgr still gave you cash for your credit card tips at the end of the night. I worked at the Outback through most of college and would come home with around 50 bucks most nights, busy weekends would get you around 100. That was over 20 years ago. Then you still get paid your hourly wage every week or two weeks. As far as work, it's hard but it's not crazy hard. Really, if you're the type that likes to be busy the time will go by faster on busy nights. Occasionally you'll get pissy customers and bad tippers no matter how good you are, but it's a great life lesson, learning how to deal with angry or just plain snotty people.
 

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