What would you say to the head of an organization?

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May 15, 2016
926
18
DD has been part of an organization for a number of years. Up until now she and I have been very happy with how the teams were put together and even the families of the players. The teams have not always been dominant, but they had plenty of positive tournament experiences and the parents on the sidelines have been consistently respectful people, often nice people to be with.

This season two teams were put together in her age level after an unexpected number of girls came down for tryouts. DD is terribly frustrated with the team she is on now. They can't win a game, and with at least a third of the players not able to handle the level of play of their age, another third just does not seem to care, the drive home after every tournament is a miserable time for her. The final third of the roster is playing at their age level, but obviously that is not going to make for a winning team.

The girls who are playing at their age level have shown marked improvement this season. She is learning a secondary position, and picking up on the skills quickly. So from my perspective the coaching is just fine. That the other two thirds is either not interested or not capable is dragging those who care down by the day.

To top it all off, a good third of the parents have terrible sideline etiquette, which I know is all too common. With some parents calling out instructions to the girls on the field, not just their own daughters by other girls as well, and others cursing like I had never seen from any family member of this team before, both my DD and I are having a miserable time this spring.

There is no chance she could be moved to the other team of her age level, and there are no other local teams that are looking for a new player at this point.

DW and I are trying to decide when to speak to the head of the organization, and what to say. Any suggestions?
 
Feb 4, 2015
641
28
Massachusetts
Maybe just ask the head of the org to stop by a game and sit in the shadows. Parents are also a reflection of the org as are the players and coaches.

As far as the team make-up, not much you can do about that. Sounds like the coach is doing what he can with what he has. Also, sounds like the org took every girl who tried out whether they should be on a club team or not. So might be time to look for a team that fits your DD a little better next season. You're not a coach, so not much you can really do other than keep your DD focused on the positives and get the most out of the experience that you can. Also, maybe look for pick-up opportunities with another org when her team is not playing.
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
Maybe just ask the head of the org to stop by a game and sit in the shadows. Parents are also a reflection of the org as are the players and coaches.

As far as the team make-up, not much you can do about that. Sounds like the coach is doing what he can with what he has. Also, sounds like the org took every girl who tried out whether they should be on a club team or not. So might be time to look for a team that fits your DD a little better next season. You're not a coach, so not much you can really do other than keep your DD focused on the positives and get the most out of the experience that you can. Also, maybe look for pick-up opportunities with another org when her team is not playing.

Excellent suggestion about having the head of the org sit in the shadows. I absolutely agree with you that parents are also representatives of the organization.

The org did cut some girls who came to the tryouts, but I do think they were being overoptimistic about who they were taking on, and I get the feeling there were girls who tried out who more interested in making the team, than actually playing for the team.

DD desperately wants to remain in the org, if she can be on a good team next season. DW and I are trying to figure out the best way to talk to the head of the org and I am thinking of saying to him unless DD is on a good team, she will have to leave the org. DW thinks we need to be more diplomatic.
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
2 years ago after 1st practice I knew we were not going to win a game, I told DD on ride home she could take the year off if she wanted. She stuck in there all year. It wasn't anyone's fault, we just were not very good. If you are on a bad team things can spin out of control pretty quickly.

Maybe start small with the cursing and your DD. Occasionally someone will throw something out which is fine, more then once ask them to please stop.

If they yell something out to your DD, please stop.

(When I am coaching I can but pretty oblivious what is going on in the stands, maybe bring concerns to coach. What are they doing?)
 
Last edited:
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
I have seen very limited success when parents try to get those in charge to change the dynamic. It sounds to me like your DD has probably outgrown her current team and the organization. I like the idea of having someone come out and watch some games, but that is something they should be doing already. Most organizations do not cater to the top performers and that is typically where they bleed talent. I would make the most of the current situation and prepare to make a change to a higher level of play once the opportunity is presented. If her goal is to play at a high level, the journey often requires moving on and leaving what is comfortable behind. I am not saying you hop from team to team, but rather keep raising bar and give her the best opportunity for growth. There used to be a popular myth that a group of girls should stay together from 8U to 18U. That is a recipe for mediocrity and complacency. Job one for the parent is to support the player and provide the opportunity to grow.
 
Dec 11, 2010
4,713
113
I have seen very limited success when parents try to get those in charge to change the dynamic. It sounds to me like your DD has probably outgrown her current team and the organization. I like the idea of having someone come out and watch some games, but that is something they should be doing already. Most organizations do not cater to the top performers and that is typically where they bleed talent. I would make the most of the current situation and prepare to make a change to a higher level of play once the opportunity is presented. If her goal is to play at a high level, the journey often requires moving on and leaving what is comfortable behind. I am not saying you hop from team to team, but rather keep raising bar and give her the best opportunity for growth. There used to be a popular myth that a group of girls should stay together from 8U to 18U. That is a recipe for mediocrity and complacency. Job one for the parent is to support the player and provide the opportunity to grow.

If you are a softball parent, read this, know this, live this.

Very wise post.

I don’t know why coaches and orgs can’t figure out the bold above. This is why my local area players are moving to regional or multi state orgs in droves.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
2 years ago after 1st practice I knew we were not going to win a game, I told DD on ride home she could take the year off if she wanted. She stuck in there all year. It wasn't anyone's fault, we just were not very good. If you are on a bad team things can spin out of control pretty quickly.

Maybe start small with the cursing and your DD. Occasionally someone will throw something out which is fine, more then once ask them to please stop.

If they yell something out to your DD, please stop.

(When I am coaching I can but pretty oblivious what is going on in the stands, maybe bring concerns to coach. What are they doing?)

I've worked really hard at not saying anything to my DD when she is playing, if another parent did it I wouldn't be very happy to say the least...
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
I have seen very limited success when parents try to get those in charge to change the dynamic. It sounds to me like your DD has probably outgrown her current team and the organization.

She has definitely outgrown this team, but the other team on her age level in the org sounds like it would be a good fit for her.

Job one for the parent is to support the player and provide the opportunity to grow.

In many ways she has grown as a player during this season, which I chalk up to really good coaches. I pointed out to her ideally she should have had two goals every season, one to win games, and second to become a better player. While the first one is not likely to happen, she has already achieved her second goal.

My big concern is this morning she said that she just does not feel like trying hard, with the level of play around her. Why should she try to make great throws if many teammates are not going to catch the throws.

This from a girl who after two run rule games on Saturday, and 2-run loss on Sunday came home, set up her Bownet, did T-work and figured out a way to work on flip tosses by herself using the Bownet.
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
I've worked really hard at not saying anything to my DD when she is playing,

I learned that lesson a long time ago.

if another parent did it I wouldn't be very happy to say the least...

Luckily other parents do not say anything to my DD. Maybe because the parents feel comfortable saying something to the outfielders, but not the infielders. But she hears these parents interfering which cannot be good. Even though they are not directing it at my kid, it still drives me nuts and makes my experience much worse.
 
Jan 30, 2018
252
0
SE Michigan
If you are a softball parent, read this, know this, live this.

Very wise post.

I don’t know why coaches and orgs can’t figure out the bold above. This is why my local area players are moving to regional or multi state orgs in droves.

I agree with this. I feel this happens and then the coaches are standing there scratching their heads. We just left an org this year after 3 years, and I was on the board of the org, because they just had the mentality that they wanted to be the best local team, compete at the states tournament, and that was it. They would keep any girl that was going to return no matter how bad they were. Then they had one team that was 14u, had the least talent of any team and tried to play every good tournament they could get into and got the butts kicked every game. The org hemorrhaged talent.

OP if you have girls on the team now that don't care there is a good chance they will quit after this year and it will all work itself out.
 

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