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Apr 26, 2015
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DD has missed tournaments for school events, a wedding and a church event. While TB is very important to her so are a lot of other things. For her (and us) academics come before athletics and our faith is very important to us as well. She misses church regularly for SB tournaments, but when it comes to a one time event (wedding, baptism, etc) I will leave the choice up to her. Her TB coaches have never penalized her for choosing her school or faith over TB. She does not take these decisions lightly. She rarely misses practices and she catches for 3 pitchers lessons outside of regular practice. Her coaches understand that she is committed, but also know that sometimes "life" has to take priority. We always try to give the coach as much notice as possible when DD will miss (which in 5 years of playing has been maybe 3-4 times).

Now all that said...I think that anyone else forcing their opinion or priorities on a player/family is unfair. It is not MIL's (or anyone else's - except maybe mine) place to decide what is right for my DD!
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
As a coach, prior to every season I ask each player/family for a list of dates that they are not available; vacations, special events, etc. I also ask them to notify me of any changes. We build our schedule based on the information provided by the families. I rarely make any changes to the tournament schedule, but have due to some weird events (that's for another discussion). But prior to making those changes, I recheck with each and every player/family before making a commitment. If I would schedule a tournament for a weekend that I don't have enough players available, that would be on me, not on the families.

I do the same thing. Then once I have a fairly firm schedule made I send the list and dates and locations to the families. Invariably, I get one or two back with the we can't make it on certain dates.

My favorite is when a parent emails me a week before a tournament and says their DD has a BB practice or game that day. I just want to answer back. WTF??? We're IN SEASON!!!! You're paying thousands of dollars for your DD to play on a high-level travel softball team and you're worried about missing rec BBall practice??? Never mind how it affects the other 10+ families on the team who are also paying a boat load of money. Had a mom tell me the rec Bball team only has 6 girls on it and the team has a hard time if one of them is missing for a game. Who in their right mind puts together a BBall team with 6 kids on it??
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
Now all that said...I think that anyone else forcing their opinion or priorities on a player/family is unfair. It is not MIL's (or anyone else's - except maybe mine) place to decide what is right for my DD!


That's the easy part. The hard part comes when you need to put an over-bearing family member in their place. That can be shall we say... Difficult sometimes. But your DD needs to know you have her back on her choices.

Good Luck with the MIL.
 
Feb 6, 2017
38
6
My brother is getting married this summer and it's the weekend of a State Tournament. Luckily the tournament is about an hour from where they are getting married so DD could possibly play morning pool games but would miss the start of bracket play :/ Just trying to figure out how we are all going to change and not smell since I would play to drive straight to the wedding from the fields ;)
She is a C and SS and we do have 3 other catchers so she can miss but I'm sure her HC will be unhappy. She almost had to miss morning games a couple of weekends ago for a school function and HC was like - just have her miss it (but it was for a grade so no way was she going to miss). Luckily it rained and delayed the games so DD just missed part of warm-ups.

If the coach is unhappy because your daughter misses to attend her uncle’s wedding rather than a softball game, I’d have a hard time playing for that coach. We are seam heads in our family. We live and breathe the sport. But it’s just a game. There are things more important than softball and coaches need to remember that. We’re lucky that DD’s coach recognizes that. He expects you to be there for all practices and all games. But if something legit comes up, he understands.


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Jul 14, 2017
181
28
What does the wife say? That's the important variable to the situation. Can she tell her mother to relax and your DD will get there as soon as she can? Has your M-I-L ever gone and watched your DD play?

I am the wife. It is HIS mom that is the PITAThe live out of state and only come visit a few times a year. The party is for her 2nd husband’s grandchild- no blood relative of mine.

Don’t get me wrong, DD would gladly go to the party and enjoys seeing her “cousins”. However, she also knows that especially in HS, there are consequences for missing a game.

I don’t appreciate that it is just expected of her to miss a game and any compromise I tried to make was shot down. Who knows, we can get rained out that week!

Mil has come to a few games but def does not have the interest or stamina to last a full tourney day. And if she brings her husband as well???? He makes comments about everyone and everything! I’ve asked him to sit on the opponent’s side at times


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Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
I am the wife. It is HIS mom that is the PITAThe live out of state and only come visit a few times a year. The party is for her 2nd husband’s grandchild- no blood relative of mine.

Don’t get me wrong, DD would gladly go to the party and enjoys seeing her “cousins”. However, she also knows that especially in HS, there are consequences for missing a game.

I don’t appreciate that it is just expected of her to miss a game and any compromise I tried to make was shot down. Who knows, we can get rained out that week!

Mil has come to a few games but def does not have the interest or stamina to last a full tourney day. And if she brings her husband as well???? He makes comments about everyone and everything! I’ve asked him to sit on the opponent’s side at times


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Sorry for the identity mistake. Couldn't tell from your name. It's usually dads on here complaining.. ;) :rolleyes:

Apparently your in-laws have no idea what higher level sports is about. I know my DD missed quite a few non-essential family activities and activities with her friends because of playing ball all over the country from the time she was 14 years old till she graduated college. It sounds like you're going to have to give your hubby a kick in the pants to grow a pair so he can set his mother straight. Otherwise, you're going to have to go into Mama Bear mode to protect your DD.

What does the hubby say? More importantly, what does your DD want to do?

This sounds like a battle that needs to be fought now. It'll cause a bunch of grief for a short time, but the precedent will be set.

Years ago I had a girl on a team whose father wanted nothing to do with the kids sports. The only thing he was interested in was fishing and NASCAR. I never saw him once in 3 years and couldn't identify him if my life depended on it.
 
Jan 30, 2018
252
0
SE Michigan
I do the same thing. Then once I have a fairly firm schedule made I send the list and dates and locations to the families. Invariably, I get one or two back with the we can't make it on certain dates.

My favorite is when a parent emails me a week before a tournament and says their DD has a BB practice or game that day. I just want to answer back. WTF??? We're IN SEASON!!!! You're paying thousands of dollars for your DD to play on a high-level travel softball team and you're worried about missing rec BBall practice??? Never mind how it affects the other 10+ families on the team who are also paying a boat load of money. Had a mom tell me the rec Bball team only has 6 girls on it and the team has a hard time if one of them is missing for a game. Who in their right mind puts together a BBall team with 6 kids on it??


Missing on our team for another sport, when Sball is in season, would not fly on our team. Missing a practice for a game is allowed but only if we are not playing that weekend. We play pretty much year round so in the fall and winter if a girl has to miss for Vball or hoops that is a little different. All of our girls play softball first and all other sports are secondary.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
Missing on our team for another sport, when Sball is in season, would not fly on our team. Missing a practice for a game is allowed but only if we are not playing that weekend. We play pretty much year round so in the fall and winter if a girl has to miss for Vball or hoops that is a little different. All of our girls play softball first and all other sports are secondary.

Same here. If were not "in season" then I don't have an issue with it.
 
Jul 14, 2017
181
28
Today is the day of the communion that DD is missing. Bottom of the 5th, hasn’t played the field, hasn’t batted and hasn’t pinch run. Don’t want to tell my mil any of this


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