Confusing Situation With Senior Daughter Not Getting Playing Time On HS Team

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Mar 22, 2018
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I have a troubling situation with my senior daughter and her high school team. She has been on varsity the last fours years, started most games as a freshman and sophomore before becoming a regular starter as a junior last year. She plays in the outfield (centerfield) and has a penchant for making diving catches, has some speed and is a decent hitter (hits the holes and gaps) but not a power hitter. She had a desire to play college softball and began contacting colleges prior to the start of her junior season. In her junior season, she hit .416 to finish second on the team and was second in runs scored, all while hitting in the 8 or 9 hole. She had two errors on the season and made at least three diving catches. She was also awarded the team MVP award and she earned first team all district honors, the first for any outfielder in her three years on the team. She was on fire! She also attracted the attention of a few colleges that went along with the degree she wanted to pursue - nursing. These were D3 colleges and exactly the kind of thing that fit her.

A little background on her high school. The coach that placed her on varsity quit almost mid-season. The assistant coach took over and stuck around for two years and now for her senior year she has her third coach in four years. The new coach is young and this is her first head coach job. Earlier this school year (September), I spoke with the coach for about 10 minutes to get some advise on one of the colleges we were scheduled to visit (it was actually our second visit - my daughter was going there to verbally commit). The coah had played at the D3 level so I thought she could give some insight. She had a few pointers but really seemed disinterested discussing the matter. My daughter had played high school volleyball but decided not to play her senior year so she could focus on softball. I failed to mention she plays on a travel team and has done so since she was 11, so she was doing that during this time as well.

A few months later, my daughter made the decision that she no longer wanted to play college softball because she felt that it would intefer too much with her course work (labs, etc.) later on to get her degree. I applauded her decision because it was a tough one for her to make. Well, just after the high school season opened, she severely sprained her ankle running the bases during scenarios. This was right before the first scrimmage. Unfortunately this injury caused her to miss about 2-3 weeks before being cleared by an orthopedic. She rehabbed and did everything she could in the meantime to get back on the field. She traveled with the team, stood and threw with a walking boot on, attended practices, etc. After a few away games, I took her home instead of traveling with the team because she couldn’t drive with the boot and so forth. Aside from the conversation about the college visit, my only interaction with the coach was a "Hello" and "Could I sign my daughter out to take her home (four total interactions). Never once did she make a comment, positive or negative, about my daughter’s injury which I thought was kind of odd and actually upsetting. Another week or more passed and my daughter was suited up and hoping to at least get a little playing time.

In one particular tournament the coach had apparently callled the trainer and the trainer suggested not playing my daughter for another few weeks. My daughter had gone through warmups, a little batting practice only to be told while coming off the field and being pulled aside that she was not going to play her based on what the trainer said. It was just the coach and her by the dugout but she told her in front of the whole team. I’m starting to get a little perturbed by this and called the trainer to question her authority since my daughter was not technically under her care (orthopedic released and we were doing physical therapy elsewhere). She didn’t really have a good enough answer for me but did say if my daughter had no pain (she didn’t) and was comfortable then she couldn't stop her. My daughter didn’t play that day as told and was devestated. She asked the coach at the end of the day if she could at least play a little bit the following day. The coach did put her in. Her reaction time was a little behind on some outfield plays because of the injury but she felt like part of the team again.

Well, time has gone by and she’s hardly getting any playing time. Oddly enough the athletic director's daughter, who is also a senior and who my daughter has outplayed in the past, is getting all the playing time in centerfield. The athletic director's daughter had played volleyball and basketball so she entered softball at about the same time my daughter was cleared from the orthopedic. Well, against my better judgment, and because I was now upset, I approached the coach and asked if she had any intentions of letting my daughter earn herself some playing time, as she had worked hard to get back and try to salvage what she had left of her season. All i was told is that she missed some time and there was someone in front of her. I asked if anything in the off-season or last year was taken into consideration and she said she was not here last year, didn’t know who played or where. I told her that was not true because who would really come into a situation without at least checking some of those thing. Also it can’t be true because how did she even know where the athletic director's daughter played or even knew if she could play because she came straight from basketball and doesn’t even play travel ball or anything like that. She said she wasn’t going to discuss playing time about other players. I told her I wasn’t but she kind of brought her in to it so I obviously struck a nerve or something. An assistant then spoke up and said my daughter got to play one game of four in the tournament (a separate tournament) and she made some errors. I laughed because there were not “errors” as she claimed. My daughter attempted to make a catch on a Texas Leauger but couldn’t come up with it. It was not error by no means and I told her so. My daughter caught everything else and even made a diving catch going to the ground. The assistant has never been involved with softball and this is her first year as well. The scary thing is she keeps the books and she did not record an error for the athletic director's daughter when she let one bounce of her glove on seven step run that should have been caught. Another assistant at least told me that my daughter makes those tough catches. He was actually there last year. Anyway there’s more but I just don’t know what in the world is going on. My daughter is happy go lucky, always smiling but quiet, but this situation has got her down and there is nothing she has done to deserve it. I would just like to know if anyone has an opinion on the matter? Thanks.
 
Last edited:
Oct 3, 2011
3,478
113
Right Here For Now
There's nothing you can do about it other than quit. For whatever reason, the coach has seemed to have come to a decision about your DD and it doesn't seem to be in her favor. Support your daughter as best you can throughout the season and wave bye-bye as she goes off to college.
 
Feb 4, 2015
641
28
Massachusetts
I'll be honest, you hurt her situation.

1. Coaches never want to talk to parents. As a senior, ready to become an adult, your DD should have been the one discussing playing time with her coach. You are not part of the team.

2. It also sounds like your conversation with the coach and the AC got contentious. Arguing about plays, errors and the book is certainly not going to endear you to them and will probably take it out on your DD.

3. Politics. There are many many posts on here about the politics of HS sports and coaches. If your DD missed playing time and the Ath Dir daughter stepped in, and also has a relationship with the coach, your DD is the odd one out. You can bet the AD and the HC are probably talking about your complaining. Since the HC has little history with your DD, she has no loyalty to her. What she did last year is not a factor and they haven't wanted to get to see her much this year.

Let her try to talk to the coach about how to earn more playing time, to help the team wherever she can. It's got to be about the team, not her. Other than that, just let her be a senior on the team and enjoy what's left of her HS career, especially since this is likely the end of softball

And you should step back from the situation and let her handle it. Sorry for being blunt, but you asked for opinions.

On a related note, maybe she shouldn't give up on D3 softball. My DD is a sophomore considering Nursing as well. She's looking at D3's that have Nursing majors on the roster and talking with coaches and Deans of Nursing schools that will work with the student-athletes so they can balance both, especially during clinicals. Depending on the schools your DD is looking at, maybe it's not out of the question. Good luck!
 
Nov 27, 2012
197
18
I'll be honest, you hurt her situation.

1. Coaches never want to talk to parents. As a senior, ready to become an adult, your DD should have been the one discussing playing time with her coach. You are not part of the team.

It always amuses me when someone says "Coaches don't like to talk to parents" or "coaches....(fill in the blanks)." You guys try to elevate these coaches to some kind of mythical beings. They are humans and not all coaches share the same feelings. If this coach did not like the parent talking for his child, the coach should have said something then and not punish the kid for what the parent did. Till my child turns 18, I am responsible for my child so I am going to be involved in her activities.

I am all for teaching the child the responsibility and in this particular situation and if that is what this coach is trying to do, let the parent know and not screw the kid over during her senior year. Coaches are not robots who can only make either or decisions.
 

TMD

Feb 18, 2016
433
43
3. Politics. There are many many posts on here about the politics of HS sports and coaches. If your DD missed playing time and the Ath Dir daughter stepped in, and also has a relationship with the coach, your DD is the odd one out. You can bet the AD and the HC are probably talking about your complaining. Since the HC has little history with your DD, she has no loyalty to her. What she did last year is not a factor and they haven't wanted to get to see her much this year.

All of #7sDad's post is spot-on, but this part is the spot-oniest.

When reading the OP, the two things that immediately jumped out at me are 1. new coach this year with no history with the daughter, and 2. daughter injured early in season running the bases (question - does this imply that your daughter was a regular player before the injury?).

Not saying it's right, but I could definitely see this new coach being simply not willing to invest her time/energy in an injured player with whom she'll only be around for a couple of months (sorry if that reads harsher than I mean it to). She is probably more concerned about players that she will have going forward. Playing the AD's daughter in place of yours may just be an easy political way out.

It's a tough situation for your daughter, no doubt. I hope it all works out for the best.

...and don't shy away from those paragraph breaks in the future. ;)
 

TMD

Feb 18, 2016
433
43
There are quite a number of HS teams in this country where the girl's family is as important, or more important, than her abilities.

Absolutely, and that certainly could be a factor in this situation. The real test, and one that will never get to happen, would be if the AD's daughter would have been the starter if the OP's daughter never got injured.
 
Feb 4, 2015
641
28
Massachusetts
It always amuses me when someone says "Coaches don't like to talk to parents" or "coaches....(fill in the blanks)." You guys try to elevate these coaches to some kind of mythical beings. They are humans and not all coaches share the same feelings. If this coach did not like the parent talking for his child, the coach should have said something then and not punish the kid for what the parent did. Till my child turns 18, I am responsible for my child so I am going to be involved in her activities.

I am all for teaching the child the responsibility and in this particular situation and if that is what this coach is trying to do, let the parent know and not screw the kid over during her senior year. Coaches are not robots who can only make either or decisions.

I should have worded my post as "many coaches don't want to talk to the parents" as it's not a universal. In my DD's experience, both with HS and TB, the coaches have explicit rules against this. Others on DFP have often posted similar. Your experience may be different, and in fairness to the poster, they didn't specify either way.

As for parenting style, we all have our own approaches and do the best we can. For me, being involved in her activities is one thing; teaching her how to advocate for herself is another. I won't fight my daughters battles or have conversations with her coaches, teachers, managers, college admissions, etc. I will give her my advice (and the experience of my too many years), but it's ultimately up to her to learn how to deal with situations and work through them as best she can. Sometimes she will fail, sometimes she will succeed. Either way, she'll know how to do it better next time.

I don't believe I ever said anything close to "elevating the coach to a mythical being." Actually made me chuckle a bit. If you knew DD's HS HC, or even some of the TB coaches we've experienced over the years, you would not have imagined that statement.

For her DD's sake, I hope she can find some balance however they decide to handle. It especially sucks to hear about bad senior years.
 

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