Confusing Situation With Senior Daughter Not Getting Playing Time On HS Team

BobInMadison said:

Some people brought up the point as to whether parents should get involved.

That is a tricky issue.

I can think of coaches who INSIST it has to be the kids, esp. at the HS level, and not the parents. Some even get indignant and self-righteous about it.
But then, one sees that those coaches tend to respond more when parents DO get involved.

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I'm not sure you can make the point that coaches respond more to parents. The truth is, we only hear about some of the outcomes here. No one writes a long paragraph about my kid had an issue and went to the coach or a teacher and the coach saw it her way.

Example, my dd was a senior in HS and we went to parent teacher conference, Her counselor stopped us and went though this long explanation of a situation my dd had with a dual enrollment class and how he hopes the solution to that situation was satisfactory. My wife and I had no idea what he was talking about. My dd went to him, got the problem resolved and it was done. She never brought it up.

I guess long story short, do we always know when the dd has taken care of it? do we talk about it here? Does it feel like a small thing when the kids take care of it, but a big deal when we can't?

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Just a reminder that this is 1 side of the story. Everyone assumes the worst of the coach, but the coach has no chance to defend herself.

I had a basketball player that started for 10th and 11th grade years and hardly played as a senior. Why? Because someone passed her up. It happens.

Initial contact to a coach should always come from the student first. It's part of the growth process. My kids are being taught to be responsible for their stuff. My wife's bff is constantly reminding my wife of things that are needed for school. this week it was prom t-shirt orders. My wife doesnt have a clue about that why? Because my daughter takes care of her own stuff. its too the point where she forges my signature on a check for hot lunch and lets me know she did it. Any issue with a teacher or coach? my kids go and talk to them. The above story about the dual enrollment classes is a great example.

If you are going to talk to a coach your better be prepared to listen to the response and you might not like it. Are you prepared for for that? its the same thing i tell my kids. I switched my coaching tactics to brutal honesty. If you want to come and talk to me about your dd then i am not going to sugar coat it. i will tell you exactly what I/we are seeing.

One thing you don't do is bring another player into the conversation. You're not going to get any where with that.

spleen1015 said:

One thing you don't do is bring another player into the conversation. You're not going to get any where with that.

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If I was the coach, that is when the conversation would have ended.

I had to do some editing on my post. Tough to type on a phone.

Quitting could be a sad reality but my daughter will not do that. I wish I could figure out the reason as to why the coach has determined that all of the sudden my daughter can't play the game of softball. It almost seems as if everything was planned. I do support her at every turn. I've never missed a game and always encourage her.

YOCOACH said:

There's nothing you can do about it other than quit. For whatever reason, the coach has seemed to have come to a decision about your DD and it doesn't seem to be in her favor. Support your daughter as best you can throughout the season and wave bye-bye as she goes off to college.

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I had to do some editing on my post. Tough to type on a phone.

Quitting could be a sad reality but my daughter will not do that. I wish I could figure out the reason as to why the coach has determined that all of the sudden my daughter can't play the game of softball. It almost seems as if everything was planned. I do support her at every turn. I've never missed a game and always encourage her.

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Holy Toledo! said:

I had to do some editing on my post. Tough to type on a phone.

Quitting could be a sad reality but my daughter will not do that. I wish I could figure out the reason as to why the coach has determined that all of the sudden my daughter can't play the game of softball. It almost seems as if everything was planned. I do support her at every turn. I've never missed a game and always encourage her.

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I don't have a lot of time to respond and may do so more later. There is a chance that it isn't that the coach thinks less of your daughter but more of another. Currently, the staff I am on is in a similar situation. The senior is getting passed up by another and that isn't to say that the senior is bad.

BTW, I often intend to respond to the "politics" comments but don't. As any FYI and strictly in my opinion, thinking this will only keep your dd down. Most often it is an excuse and not a reason. JMHO!

BobInMadison said:

Well, sometimes the other player IS the point.

If a coach chooses player A over player B, and player B thinks she is a much better player, then the relative abilities of the players ARE germane to the conversation.

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Well, It's not 'your' place to name that player. If another player wants to name that player, that could be fine but, not another parent, not fine. JMHO