Should a parent tell a HC of potential team problems?

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May 15, 2016
926
18
My DDs' team uses a group chat. They found out today, on the group chat, that one player invited just a few of the girls from the team to her birthday party. I see nothing wrong with a teammate inviting only some of the team to a party. The fact that it was mentioned on the group chat is already causing resentment with my girls. The rest of the team that was not invited is going to find out about it very soon.

This team was already not so cohesive, and I think this is only going to make it worse. I don't think the HC knows about this.

My question, should I let the HC know this has happened, to try to prevent drama from potentially turning the team into a bunch of girls who do not want to play together as a team?
 
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
Welcome to the drama that is fastpitch softball. A Psychiatrist friend of mine said their is nothing more complex than the mind of a teen age girl. Having raised 4 daughters and coached many many more I could not agree more. Around 14 years old many lose their minds and then return back to earth about the time they leave for college. May want to give the HC a heads up. Just the info, nothing more. Not much they can do about it but it helps put the team dynamic of the day into context. Eventually as they get older they get over this type of stuff, but they find other stuff to get wrapped around the axle about.
 
Nov 2, 2015
192
16
Eventually as they get older they get over this type of stuff, but they find other stuff to get wrapped around the axle about.

Some do, some don't....My experience observing some of the mom drama surrounding my kids sports/friends tells me that the 'being included/excluded drama" transfers from the moms (and dads)to their kids very quickly.
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
Welcome to the drama that is fastpitch softball. A Psychiatrist friend of mine said their is nothing more complex than the mind of a teen age girl. Having raised 4 daughters and coached many many more I could not agree more. Around 14 years old many lose their minds and then return back to earth about the time they leave for college. May want to give the HC a heads up. Just the info, nothing more. Not much they can do about it but it helps put the team dynamic of the day into context. Eventually as they get older they get over this type of stuff, but they find other stuff to get wrapped around the axle about.

I saw this type of stuff for the eleven years I taught high school. It didn't surprise me that it happened, if figured it was coming.

I am considering mentioning it to the HC, just wanted other's opinions on it. Thanks
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
Some do, some don't....My experience observing some of the mom drama surrounding my kids sports/friends tells me that the 'being included/excluded drama" transfers from the moms (and dads)to their kids very quickly.

I don't care that my DDs were not included, I did not think the girls who were part of the excluding were the most supportive of the bunch. I just saw this spiraling out of control a bit to the point the girls might not want play together.
 
May 16, 2016
1,024
113
Illinois
There should not be an issue with this situation. I would not say anything to the head coach about the birthday party. If I was the head coach of this team I would not want to be bothered with issues like this. They are not the HC problems.
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
There should not be an issue with this situation. I would not say anything to the head coach about the birthday party. If I was the head coach of this team I would not want to be bothered with issues like this. They are not the HC problems.

Why do you say there should not be a problem? My DDs said some of the girls not invited resented it being thrown in their faces that they were excluded. It bothered my DDs as well.

Dissent within the team is not the HC problem?
 
May 16, 2016
1,024
113
Illinois
Why do you say there should not be a problem? My DDs said some of the girls not invited resented it being thrown in their faces that they were excluded. It bothered my DDs as well.

Dissent within the team is not the HC problem?

It is perfectly acceptable to be better friends with certain players on a travel ball team than others. This should be no different than inviting certain kids from school, family members, or friends.

What do you want the H.C. to do? Do you want the HC to call the parents of the player on the team and tell the parents they have to invite everyone on the team or don't invite any of the players? It is possible that the parents don't want a huge birthday party, maybe their house is not big enough to have 10+ kids over for a birthday party, or the parents don't have the money to pay for a bunch of kids to go to a birthday party at some kind of establishment.

Sure the kids could have used a different way of inviting the other players than the group chat but in reality the other kids would have most likely found out some other way.

To answer your question " Dissent within the team is not the HC problem? No, not in this situation!
 

Chris Delorit

Member
Apr 24, 2016
343
28
Green Bay, WI
My DDs' team uses a group chat. They found out today, on the group chat, that one player invited just a few of the girls from the team to her birthday party. I see nothing wrong with a teammate inviting only some of the team to a party. The fact that it was mentioned on the group chat is already causing resentment with my girls. The rest of the team that was not invited is going to find out about it very soon.

This team was already not so cohesive, and I think this is only going to make it worse. I don't think the HC knows about this.

My question, should I let the HC know this has happened, to try to prevent drama from potentially turning the team into a bunch of girls who do not want to play together as a team?

Hi Bob,

I've never heard of an "official team" chat channel, and doubt what you have explained would ever occur on one. If the program did have one, the HC is likely to already be monitoring it. Anything on a non-official channel should be of no interest or concern to the HC. The HC will be concerned with team functions and those things which he/she can control, not what you've described.

Are the adults considering their responsibilities as parents and would there be any opportunities to teach their children about this kind of scenario?

If the kids aren't already cohesive as teammates and some wish to leave...what you're describing is something that occurs pretty regularly every year around the country. There's alot of competition, both in teams and players.

Since they're all currently teammates, maybe your daughter could consider sending a nice birthday card regardless. You know, an act of kindness which also helps identify her own unique character traits to others. ;)

Chris
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
It is perfectly acceptable to be better friends with certain players on a travel ball team than others. This should be no different than inviting certain kids from school, family members, or friends.

What do you want the H.C. to do? Do you want the HC to call the parents of the player on the team and tell the parents they have to invite everyone on the team or don't invite any of the players? It is possible that the parents don't want a huge birthday party, maybe their house is not big enough to have 10+ kids over for a birthday party, or the parents don't have the money to pay for a bunch of kids to go to a birthday party at some kind of establishment.

Sure the kids could have used a different way of inviting the other players than the group chat but in reality the other kids would have most likely found out some other way.

To answer your question " Dissent within the team is not the HC problem? No, not in this situation!

Did you not see where I said in my original post, "I see nothing wrong with a teammate inviting only some of the team to a party." That something like this might happen to come out in passing and the rest of the team finding out, I know there was no way of avoiding it, but to flaunt it with a video of the party on the team chat, that does not seem to be towards the betterment of the team.

What do I want the HC to do? I don't know, I do not know the dynamics of running an athletic team of teenage girls. But based on the reactions of those who were not invited, yet had to put up with it being thrown in their faces, I think this could doom the team. Should I do nothing about that?
 

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