Should a parent tell a HC of potential team problems?

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May 15, 2016
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Why as parents do we always have to go trying to rescue our kids and surround them in a cocoon of safety. Is there anything wrong with letting them fail or have their feelings hurt? Let them grow to be stronger adults.

I was not aware of saying I was trying to protect my DDs from being hurt. I am interested in the team not falling apart, months after it was formed.
 

SB45

Dad, Coach, Chauffeur
Sep 2, 2016
150
28
Western NY
I've had teams where there are distinct cliques...as the HC I told them repeatedly that they don't have to all be besties...but they always have to be a team and good teammates. Even having players that said flat out they don't like each other...it worked out really well as long as they got the team first message drilled into their head repeatedly. As an AC, have seen the same situation drive a team apart because the players did not respect their peers and put the good of the team first...and the HC allowed it. To me...they can like whoever they want, hang out with whoever they want...but they always have to treat their teammates in a way that does not harm the team first atmosphere. So...I guess if you know the HC well enough, I would provide some facts and suggestion that this could hurt the team dynamics if they do not instill a team first approach.
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
To me...they can like whoever they want, hang out with whoever they want...but they always have to treat their teammates in a way that does not harm the team first atmosphere. So...I guess if you know the HC well enough, I would provide some facts and suggestion that this could hurt the team dynamics if they do not instill a team first approach.

Exactly. Thanks.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
Our 10U teams uses groupme..3/4 of the crap posted is not about softball. It also has a DM feature which would have been appropriate in this situation. I actually used DM to give a friendly suggestion to the HC about getting the kids
some live BP this offseason from the team's pitchers and/or from older pitchers in the organization. Would be beneficial for teams's hitters and pitchers. He didn't respond..guess he didn't like my suggestion :p I have now banned myself from DM'ing the coach :rolleyes:

Also I vote for not telling the HC. Kids/pre-teens/teenagers need to learn how police themselves sometimes. This would be a good example of that imo.
 
Last edited:
May 22, 2015
410
28
Illinois
I would not worry about it. I don't see something like this bothering them enough to divide a team. The girls on DD's team has a group chat/text, and they are on it all the time. If it were my kid inviting people I would have had her do it separately from the team chat, but what's done is done. 12 different girls will give you 12 different reactions to things like this. My DD could care less if she gets invited to things like this. Some girls from her MS team just had a Christmas get together last week. My wife was mad that they didn't invite DD, but she didn't care one bit. They get along, talk at school, play school ball together, but are not really close friends.
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
DD was in 8U, no group chat.

We had a 9 AM morning game and were looking tried.

HC: Why are we were looking so slow?
Me: Proply because most the Team was at the party swiming until 11PM
HC: What party? (I do not think this was a softball related question)

After game speech, no more pool parties might before game.

HC's DDs were both nice kids, with a group chat the entire thing would have been done better. Their kids would have sucked that morning too. :)
 
Last edited:
Jul 14, 2017
181
28
Unfortunately many teenagers (adults too for that matter), do not know how to properly navigate social media. They are so concerned with posting every detail of their lives, that little to no concern is spent on how someone else feels.

On my dd’s first team a private group chat (unofficial) was the beginning of the end for my dd. Without getting into details, one of the coaches got involved. However, it was handled in a confrontational manner when all guilty parties were not there and it included girls who had no involvement in the situation whatsoever. The only thing it did was cause a she said/she said situation that pitted a group of girls against my dd. Friendships were ruined and the team chemistry was never the same.

All you can do is let your girls know the world is full of mean girls and a*holes. They can ignore it or ask the girls why they did that.

I’d focus on trying to make the situation better by setting up some outings where the entire team was invited.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Last edited:
Aug 5, 2012
66
0
A coach's role is to ensure the girls support one another and play as a team, while together. What happens away from the field, with regards to player relationships, is not as much his/her concern.
Do not bother to bring this up to the coach. Try asking yourself, if you do are you only adding to the drama? Parents need to teach their children that it's OK if some players are closer to others off the field so long as they treat everyone equal on the field.
If on the other hand this does become an issue, then consider that coach wasn't doing a good job in the first place and maybe address that with them. It's certainly true that many coaches failed to recognize their role to bond the team while together and how important that is. As a coach, I don't care what the outside forces are, if I can't the athletes to be supportive and caring for each other while playing or practicing as a team, then I have failed them and likely forgotten my why.

Sent from my LG-H931 using Tapatalk
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
A coach's role is to ensure the girls support one another and play as a team, while together. What happens away from the field, with regards to player relationships, is not as much his/her concern.
Do not bother to bring this up to the coach. Try asking yourself, if you do are you only adding to the drama? Parents need to teach their children that it's OK if some players are closer to others off the field so long as they treat everyone equal on the field.
If on the other hand this does become an issue, then consider that coach wasn't doing a good job in the first place and maybe address that with them. It's certainly true that many coaches failed to recognize their role to bond the team while together and how important that is. As a coach, I don't care what the outside forces are, if I can't the athletes to be supportive and caring for each other while playing or practicing as a team, then I have failed them and likely forgotten my why.

Sent from my LG-H931 using Tapatalk

Thanks for the perspective.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
The younger ages is where this is usually an issue. As the girls get older they understand social dynamics better.

What I tell every team at the very start of the season is there are two things I absolutely demand from them and there is no grey area. The first is they WILL respect each other on and off the field, especially on social media. I make it clear to them I don't expect them to be BFF's with everyone on the team, and that's OK. It's part of working with a group of people. There will be differences.

The younger teams need an absolute set of rules sometimes so they understand the boundaries of what is acceptable. On the rare occasions, so do some parents. Being consistent with rules is what the HC needs to do. Kids like rules. So long as they are fair and handled the same for everyone.
 

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