Should a parent tell a HC of potential team problems?

JAD · Dec 13, 2017

I think every team my DD played for had clicks where some girls were better friends with some players than they were with others, but at the end of the day they all showed up and gave 110% for the team. I would give the HC a heads up, but would not make a big deal of it. Now is the entire team is invited to the party and you only have one or two that are not, you have a bigger problem on your hands.

Bob516 · Dec 13, 2017

Chris Delorit said:
Hi Bob,

I've never heard of an "official team" chat channel, and doubt what you have explained would ever occur on one. If the program did have one, the HC is likely to already be monitoring it. Anything on a non-official channel should be of no interest or concern to the HC. The HC will be concerned with team functions and those things which he/she can control, not what you've described.

Are the adults considering their responsibilities as parents and would there be any opportunities to teach their children about this kind of scenario?

If the kids aren't already cohesive as teammates and some wish to leave...what you're describing is something that occurs pretty regularly every year around the country. There's alot of competition, both in teams and players.

Since they're all currently teammates, maybe your daughter could consider sending a nice birthday card regardless. You know, an act of kindness which also helps identify her own unique character traits to others.

Chris

Hi Chris,

I am well aware that teams falling apart occurs with some frequency. My DDs team, which was only formed at the end of August, had yet to cohere, but I thought they had a chance of coming together. I thought it might be worth my while to mention this to the HC, so maybe she could find a way of prevent the collapse of the team.

If the fall season had been contentious, and my DDs talked about serious divisions and cliques, I probably would see the collapse of the team as inevitable. I didn't hear or see that.

Bob

CMMom1740 · Dec 13, 2017

DD's team has a group chat too. Dumb of these girls to be discussing this on a thread for all to see. For us, DD understands that we are pretty "geographically undesirable" in that we live over an hour away from where the core group of girls on our team live. I don't think DD would expect or be upset if there was a get-together that a small number of her teammates attended because she knows it's just too far away for us to participate in most cases. If the girls were being very "in your face" about it/nasty and exclusive about it, I would mention that to HC because that is toxic behavior that would likely bleed onto the field. If not, I would leave it alone.

Also, if the team is having trouble "gelling," I might suggest a holiday (or post-holiday) get together. A night away at a lake cabin or even a Sunday afternoon. Just having fun and being goofy girls.

quincy · Dec 13, 2017

Chris Delorit said:
I've never heard of an "official team" chat channel, and doubt what you have explained would ever occur on one.

We have had a Team chat channel for the past few years for different Teams, I think it works very well.

They are 95% softball team related but other things do sneak in.

Since it is the off-season the HC might not be monitoring it.

I think the last post on ours was Does anyone want to have breakfast this Saturday? This information is from DD, I do not think any adults but coaches are in chat.

Bob516 · Dec 13, 2017

CMMom1740 said:
DD's team has a group chat too. Dumb of these girls to be discussing this on a thread for all to see. For us, DD understands that we are pretty "geographically undesirable" in that we live over an hour away from where the core group of girls on our team live. I don't think DD would expect or be upset if there was a get-together that a small number of her teammates attended because she knows it's just too far away for us to participate in most cases. If the girls were being very "in your face" about it/nasty and exclusive about it, I would mention that to HC because that is toxic behavior that would likely bleed onto the field. If not, I would leave it alone.

Also, if the team is having trouble "gelling," I might suggest a holiday (or post-holiday) get together. A night away at a lake cabin or even a Sunday afternoon. Just having fun and being goofy girls.

The team holiday party is this Sunday. I will probably get a sense of the team dynamics afterwards when my DDs talk about it.

shiocschmidty · Dec 13, 2017

I'd let it be. Like Gambler Bob said kids are better friends with some kids vs others. Not a big deal that some did not get invited. Why as parents do we always have to go trying to rescue our kids and surround them in a cocoon of safety. Is there anything wrong with letting them fail or have their feelings hurt? Let them grow to be stronger adults. To me this sounds like a pretty petty thing to be worrying about. And what one parent perceives as "flaunting" could just be kids having fun. Were they literally saying "Look how much fun we are having, since we didn't invite you" Then there would be issues. But how can you blame kids for having fun with their friends. I don't believe this is a coaching issue.

gamommax3 · Dec 13, 2017

My husband is HC and is the administrator on our girl's group chat for this exact reason. You don't have to invite everyone, and it is okay to have just a few of the team invited to a party. It isn't like they left out just one or two girls, that would be a slap in the face. But no reason to flaunt it on the group chat either. If it seems to be causing issues, let the coach know only the facts. He can address the dissention if it is bad or he can not. But I would just tell him the facts and let him decide what to do with that information.

MNDad · Dec 13, 2017

This sounds like normal teenagers. Unless the video is of the players saying “Ha, ha, we didn’t invite you”, I don’t see an issue. Simply posting a video of the party isn’t flaunting it. Insensitive perhaps, but more likely they thought the other players would be interested. If there’s a problem with team dynamics, the players should approach the coach. If it comes from a parent it will look like they’re just being over protective.

On a related note, by posting here you essentially already told the HC. There aren’t very many softball discussion boards so there’s a pretty good chance someone you know follows this site and has figured out your real identity.

Bob516 · Dec 13, 2017

gamommax3 said:
My husband is HC and is the administrator on our girl's group chat for this exact reason. You don't have to invite everyone, and it is okay to have just a few of the team invited to a party. It isn't like they left out just one or two girls, that would be a slap in the face. But no reason to flaunt it on the group chat either. If it seems to be causing issues, let the coach know only the facts. He can address the dissention if it is bad or he can not. But I would just tell him the facts and let him decide what to do with that information.

That is what I was thinking.

Bob516 · Dec 13, 2017

MNDad said:
.

On a related note, by posting here you essentially already told the HC. There aren’t very many softball discussion boards so there’s a pretty good chance someone you know follows this site and has figured out your real identity.

There is that chance, but based on the conversations I have had with other parents, no one on the team seems to have heard of this site. If the HC now knows about it, ok.

Should a parent tell a HC of potential team problems?

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