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Dec 18, 2016
163
28
I have an 11yo that has been playing softball for about 3 years. She's gotten pretty good and tells me she loves the game. I, like every parent want the best of for my daughter whether that's softball, underwater basket weaving or whatever. My question for those that have been through the early softball years all the way to college is how hard did you push and at what age do you kind of press a little harder?

I say push and press as relative...in no way am I suggesting making them do things they don't want to do, but when do you go from it's ok for one practice a week to 2-3 practices a week with a visit to the hitting coach included in that?

Thanks
Dave
 
Mar 20, 2014
918
28
Northwest
DD is a senior, just signed her NLI 2 weeks ago.

We never pushed her because we realized that she had to want to put in the work, make the sacrifices, and push herself. That being said, we did everything that we could to facilitate her improvement and success: driving & paying for hitting lessons; finding the right (and sometimes wrong) coaches & teams; letting her know about college camps (she picked the ones that she wanted to go to); and so on. But she was the one in the back yard everyday hitting buckets of balls, going to the gym, finding pitchers to catch for and she wrote every single coach that she communicated with. Not us. And I can't tell you how many times while driving back from the practice 4 hours away or the tournament 10 hours away, that I asked her if she was sure that this was what she wanted.

They have to want it, not you. Because it is a huge sacrifice and a ton of work.
 
Dec 18, 2016
163
28
At what age did she realize that she was going to take control and ask to go pitch, or hit or some extra work? I ask mine if she wants to go out and hit a bucket or two and she says yes but I fear sometimes that she's only saying yes because she knows thats what I want her to do.

Thanks
Dave
 
Jul 3, 2013
438
43
My DD is a HS junior, right in the middle of the recruiting process. My advice is don't push. She'll respond better to someone else pushing her. Encourage her to practice, offer to practice with her. "Want to play catch?" (This is underrated, it helps much more than people think.) "Want me to hit you some balls?" "Want to do some front toss?" Find a hitting coach she likes and wants to go to. At 11 yrs old, once a week hitting lessons in season sounds right to me. Mine didn't start practicing more than twice a week until she started high school practice. Her drive kicked in after that first year and has increased ever since. She started lifting 4 days a week with her hitting coach this winter on top of hitting twice a week.
 
Mar 20, 2014
918
28
Northwest
At what age did she realize that she was going to take control and ask to go pitch, or hit or some extra work? I ask mine if she wants to go out and hit a bucket or two and she says yes but I fear sometimes that she's only saying yes because she knows thats what I want her to do.

Thanks
Dave

She was a pitcher in Little League baseball from 8-12 yrs old so she was asking to go out and pitch all the time. She also was pitching on her rec softball team at the same time so she would switch off with either DH or I catching or sometimes she just threw into the BowNet. She tried out for and made her first serious softball travel ball team when she was 12 (after we made her quit baseball and just focus on softball, which I am not sure she ever forgave us for). Before she excepted the spot, we sat down as a family and discussed what it would mean to the family - expenses, time, etc. One of the items that she agreed on was that she had to commit to working out everyday whether it be hitting, throwing, working out, lessons or practicing with the team. She has been doing it on her own ever since - she is very driven and self motivated.
 
Dec 8, 2015
249
18
Philadelphia, PA
Every August (after Nationals and before tryout season) I ask DD if she wants to continue doing travel ball. If she does, then it is a 1 year commitment that requires extra work and practice. If she doesn't want to do all the extra work, there is no shame, she can go back to rec ball, have maybe 10 practices and play from April to June with no extra work in the offseason/season.
 
Jun 18, 2010
2,624
38
I pushed hard until she was 15 and it wore me out. DD and I had a talk, I told her I was pushing her because I wanted it for her. I told her that she needed to want it for herself, if that was indeed what she wanted. From that point forward, I let her tell me when she wanted to practice, I wasn't going to beg her to do it. A switch flipped for her and she took ownership of her own training. That was three years ago. We talk a lot because we spend so much time together practicing. She's as much as said she wouldn't be where she is now without my pushing her in the early years. So, I don't know if there is a one size fits all answer. I do think I pushed too hard, and I caused a lot of stress on the family because of it. If I had it to do over, I'd probably push her, but not be such a jerk about it and try and make the process more fun and enjoyable. I can't tell you how many times her mother had to play referee and separate us.
 
Oct 19, 2009
1,277
38
beyond the fences
IN order to be successful at that level, she should be self driven. I never 'pushed' rather, every year
we had the same conversation 'play for yourself' do not play because I am a coach etc.' Once they
begin play at a high level 16U+, the majority of players take the field with the common goal of playing in college.
I am against 'pushing' a child to pursue any activity or sport. If she shows an interest to continue playing and
strives to be the best she can be, support her, encourage her but never 'push'.

My DD just completed her 2nd year of college ball and can not be happier.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
What does it mean to push? What's the difference between pushing and encouraging?

One parent will say 'I don't push,' and then say, 'All I do is require that she practice 3x/week if I'm going to pay for lessons.' Is that pushing? Or is it pushing to say, 'Hey, what do you say I throw you some front toss today?'

My quick thoughts on the OP -

1. All kids are different. Some kids apparently are so driven that they're begging you to sit on the bucket so they can pitch. They're running the show. Others would never have become college players if not for their parents' passion for the game at a time before they were that into it. My DD was the latter. She played travel ball for a few years largely because of me. I didn't make her play, and she liked it, but she didn't love it, and she never asked if I would go hit her some round balls or throw front toss. I invited her to do those things and made it fun enough to keep her going, and eventually she got better at it and began to think, 'Hmm, this is kinda fun. I want to play in college.' And she's currently committed to do that.

2. I wouldn't take an 11-year-old's declaration about college softball too literally. An 11-year-old really doesn't know whether she's going to like college softball, or what it is really, nor can she really know if she'll enjoy the next 6 years of hard work required to get there. So rather than hearing this as ''DD just made an important life's decision, what are our steps toward helping her live her dream,'' I'd just hear it as, ''I really like softball. It's fun.' That's my thing right now'' and find ways to nurture that love of the game. That might mean a higher level team, a private coach, things that she'd get excited about. But I'd stop short of thinking you're on the 7-year plan. Too early for that, IMO.
 

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