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Jan 27, 2010
1,871
83
NJ
This would only apply to kids who have expressed a desire to play in college. DD and I never talked about it until going to 14U she asked to tryout for a certain big name org in NJ. An org who's sole purpose was to get kids playing in college. That's when we had the talk.

Like others, as tryout season approached I'd ask, "is this what you want? And when I suggested we have a catch or go hit we did. It was a little more of a grind to get her to hit on her own at the house. If she had a lesson she was ok driving herself there and working hard.

Like school work and behavior, you have to have an expectation of what's acceptable. If you lay it all out, remove the wriggle room and clearly define what's required, you have a much easier time. I believe when you explain that you are fully invested in their development with your time and money then they have to be with their time and effort.
 
Apr 16, 2010
924
43
Alabama
We are not to the college point yet but my DD is 3 years older than you so I can relate to how you are feeling. For us at 11yo it was still a dream of playing in college. We would go see her cousin play and she though it would be so cool to run out on onto the field in OKC like her or play on TV. Anyone can have a dream but it becomes a goal when you start working to make it a reality. The key is it has to be your DD's goal and as she get just a little older it will hit her I am sure. There are girls who dads pushed them like crazy that are playing D1 right now but there are probably many more that didn't have to be pushed.

My DD clicked last year about mid spring when her HS coach told her he liked her catching but she would play OF in college. She heard "you will play OF in college" from someone she respected that is a high level TB coach. After that day it changed everything about her approach. She is laser focused on putting out what ever effort it takes.
 
May 4, 2016
200
28
We are also a long way from college and more than likely will never get there. But, I recently had a talk with my daughter who will be 12 this month and asked her if she wanted to be good, great, or special. For right now she choose being good and we discussed that right now that means hitting and catching lessons every other week and 30 minutes of work on her own each day. And that is what she is committed to doing.
 
Jul 19, 2014
2,390
48
Madison, WI
I don't have any kids who play softball in college.

My DS was a high school rower. HE got addicted to it. There were times when we would punish him for bad grades by keeping him from practice. We never, never, never pushed him in rowing. The only pushing we did was in his sophomore year, I suggested to him, in front of kids recruiting for the rowing club, that he try rowing as a way for cross training for track. Even when I knew he was going to be a rower, rather than a track athlete, I let him make up his mind about rowing vs. track.

When it came to college, he actually took the lead, figured out where he wanted to study and row, and he made sure his rowing and especially his grades were up to snuff. The college admissions officer told him point blank to get his grades up if he wanted admission, and he did.

He is now a junior, one of the best rowers on the team, and during 2016 he attended three of the biggest college races one could attend, including Nationals.

DD 1, OTOH, showed a lot of interest in little league softball at the beginning. DW and I probably pushed her a little too hard to join a 16U TB team when she was a freshman. She soon quit the team. She played softball on her freshman team, did well, then hung up her cleats. That was a case where coaches were telling me that she had the talent to play college softball, and we pushed her some, and she resented that.

After she quit softball she got an academic scholarship, and is doing extremely well in college so far, but she's a freshman, so we will see how long that lasts.

DD 2 is not nearly as clumsy as her father, but nobody would mistake her for an athlete.

DD 3 is an interesting case. I know I have pushed her too hard at some points. then she complains afterwards if she doesn't do the work and I don't let her try out for an A team. She is a HS freshman now. and is really at a crossroads. If she really gets into the sport, she will practice enough to get onto an A team. If she doesn't, she won't, and she will probably blame me for it.

Ah, well. DS and DD 1 did OK making their own choices. DD 2 and DD 3 are driving me completely
up
the
wall
 
Dec 18, 2016
163
28
What does it mean to push? What's the difference between pushing and encouraging?

One parent will say 'I don't push,' and then say, 'All I do is require that she practice 3x/week if I'm going to pay for lessons.' Is that pushing? Or is it pushing to say, 'Hey, what do you say I throw you some front toss today?'

My quick thoughts on the OP -

1. All kids are different. Some kids apparently are so driven that they're begging you to sit on the bucket so they can pitch. They're running the show. Others would never have become college players if not for their parents' passion for the game at a time before they were that into it. My DD was the latter. She played travel ball for a few years largely because of me. I didn't make her play, and she liked it, but she didn't love it, and she never asked if I would go hit her some round balls or throw front toss. I invited her to do those things and made it fun enough to keep her going, and eventually she got better at it and began to think, 'Hmm, this is kinda fun. I want to play in college.' And she's currently committed to do that.

2. I wouldn't take an 11-year-old's declaration about college softball too literally. An 11-year-old really doesn't know whether she's going to like college softball, or what it is really, nor can she really know if she'll enjoy the next 6 years of hard work required to get there. So rather than hearing this as ''DD just made an important life's decision, what are our steps toward helping her live her dream,'' I'd just hear it as, ''I really like softball. It's fun.' That's my thing right now'' and find ways to nurture that love of the game. That might mean a higher level team, a private coach, things that she'd get excited about. But I'd stop short of thinking you're on the 7-year plan. Too early for that, IMO.

Thank you! I think my daughter's at that point now. She loves softball and doesn't complain (too loudly :) when I ask her to come hit in the garage or head to the local tunnels. But she hasn't gotten to that point of asking me to go, maybe she won't, and I'm ok with that too. Just wanted to pick brains about folks who have gone through it.

Thanks
Dave
 
Oct 3, 2011
3,478
113
Right Here For Now
I've run the gamut with my DD. At age 11, she decided she wanted to be a pitcher. We got her lessons with Bill Hillhouse because he was local to us (about a 50 minute drive each way) and he was the best in area. Now I know, he was one of the best of the country, but I digress. That said, I had to strongly suggest that since she started TB, she needed to practice 3X a week although I made it clearly known before each practice session, that she could quit any time and it wouldn't affect me or my attitude about her. She actually became a pretty good pitcher. By the age of 13, she decided she didn't want to pitch anymore; she didn't want to put in the time or practice. I made the comment that I wish she would let me turn her into a catcher. She responded, " I always wanted to catch!." Our history was written from there. Although she was recruited by every division, she signed division 2 because the college she chose, had her major interest of study. She has never complained about practicing catching nor has she been even the slightest bit stubborn or negative.

However, I've never had to push her to practice either catching or hitting. She's the one who is at the door saying, 'can we practice?'
Even at 18 YO it's the same way. I really believe that it's a combination of both the parents strongly suggesting they practice and our DD's maturing to the point where they "own it" themselves. Each age will vary depending upon the girl. However, I have a 9YO catcher that wants to do nothing but practice after school. It doesn't matter whether it's catching, throwing, fielding or hitting, she just wants to be doing something SB related. Her Mom's going nuts just trying to keep up!
 
Feb 14, 2010
592
18
Well I'm not going to be PC and say I didn't push my DD because I most definitely did. Many tears were shed along the way and I would redo some of the things that I did. I'm a firm believer that 99% of successful athletes are that way because of being pushed.

The amount of sacrifice it takes from the entire family for a kid to reach that level is enormous.

I did learn now to put my "dad" hat on and take off the coach hat more as the years passed but I still bust my DD chops now when warranted. I love our journey and I do wish I would've enjoyed our time together more than just focusin on how she could've done better.

She wrote me a great letter before I dropped her off at college and it's something I'll take with me to my grave.
 
Dec 18, 2016
163
28
Well I'm not going to be PC and say I didn't push my DD because I most definitely did. Many tears were shed along the way and I would redo some of the things that I did. I'm a firm believer that 99% of successful athletes are that way because of being pushed.

The amount of sacrifice it takes from the entire family for a kid to reach that level is enormous.

I did learn now to put my "dad" hat on and take off the coach hat more as the years passed but I still bust my DD chops now when warranted. I love our journey and I do wish I would've enjoyed our time together more than just focusin on how she could've done better.

She wrote me a great letter before I dropped her off at college and it's something I'll take with me to my grave.

Thank you. I probably do push a little and my wife is pretty good at telling me if I'm getting too close to the edge. My DD will also tell me "dad.... you're pushing too hard" to which I'll respond.... ok... only half s bucket more.


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