advice on how to help my DD

DD is 10, playing both rec(LL) and low level TB (first year), both at 10u. She is good player, but very competitive, she pitches, still learning control, and catches. The issue is when playing with her LL team, her frustration is getting the better of her, and affecting her play. try very calmly explaining to her (as we did before the season began, frustration with level of play reason she started TB this spring but still wanted to do rec to play with friends, of course none of her friends are on her team) several times, that allowing frustration with teammates play to impact her play is just as detrimental to the team as poor play by her teammates. Also trying to get her to realize this is her time to develop and demonstrate leadership (she is one of two best players on the team, and the other is very quite and reserved by nature). she just simply is not understanding that she picked up the game easily, and it is not so easy for the rest of the girls. gets frustrated with her catcher and fielders, and then her pitching comes unraveled.

any suggestions?

Best player does not equal leadership. Maybe that mantle is causing some of her frustration.

About that age after a few games HC informed DD she was Team leader, Team feal apart. After a few games HC removed the title and all was well in the world again.

Do your best and control what you can control is probably the best advice to give her, especially pitching. She is young and unless she is very lucky she is going to play with some not so good defenses in her future. Yelling our getting visibly frustrated usally will make things worse for her. She wants to yell in car, that is OK.

My DD was in the same position in 8U. And she doesn't have a leadership personality. She just wants to play ball, and to not have any drama around her. It was really frustrating for her. We ended up leaving rec permanently, and putting her on a higher level travel team. She went to work out with a second year 10U A level team. They had an intense 4 hour practice which she thought was the best thing ever. I don't think it's much fun for really competitive girls to play with girls who are very far behind them.

I was not suggesting she try to be a leader because of her physical talent, but because she is also one of oldest and most experienced girls on the team. I wanted her to try to use this to help the other girls. she is 10, and we have mostly 7s and 8s on the team. and leadership might not be for her, because it appears she may not have the patience, as she expects these girls to get something the first time they receive instruction on it (ie like big leads every pitch, moving to backup, field then covering bases, etc.). she was even mad at the other girls parents for not working with them enough (this came after I pointed out that maybe the rest of the girls do not have dads who work with them as much as I do).

she was not yelling (other than instruction to eat one of the steals, but that was only trying to be heard), and her frustration was also only really visible to myself and DW, although when HC went to talk to her before pulling her, she was honest and told HC she was mad and why. she just could not get it over plate anymore due to lack of focus. and she still tried to be a good teammate, cheering on the other pitcher, talking to catcher positively, cheering on her teammates at bat.

we had already decided this is her last year of LL/rec, but she needs to keep to her commitment as much as possible (HC is fine with her missing practices for TB, knew that going in). will be more painful for me, I liked taking the girls lower on the skill range and developing them.

just looking for ways to help her get back on track in circle when she gets frustrated, as it will happen again that she pitches in front of poor defenses most likely, as pointed out. and FWIW, she is not lights out or dominant as a pitcher, but when she is focused she does pretty well. frustration does not seep into other aspects of her game like it does pitching. she still gets frustrated, just does not impact her performance like when pitching, probably because when pitching, she is initiating play, more time to think, rather than just reacting like when playing other positions or batting.

bmakj said:

DD is 10, playing both rec(LL) and low level TB (first year), both at 10u. She is good player, but very competitive, she pitches, still learning control, and catches. The issue is when playing with her LL team, her frustration is getting the better of her, and affecting her play. try very calmly explaining to her (as we did before the season began, frustration with level of play reason she started TB this spring but still wanted to do rec to play with friends, of course none of her friends are on her team) several times, that allowing frustration with teammates play to impact her play is just as detrimental to the team as poor play by her teammates. Also trying to get her to realize this is her time to develop and demonstrate leadership (she is one of two best players on the team, and the other is very quite and reserved by nature). she just simply is not understanding that she picked up the game easily, and it is not so easy for the rest of the girls. gets frustrated with her catcher and fielders, and then her pitching comes unraveled.

any suggestions?

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It is something she is going to have to learn that she can only control what she can. The pitching. A girl I worked with for years is pitching in college this spring. Her team, defensively, is absolutely horrible. They've made 83 errors in 40 games. One girls has 16 in 86 chances and 3 others are in double digits errors. They have given up nearly half as many unearened runs as earned. The pitcher has given up 93 runs with only 60 of them being earned.

It's interesting how different things affect them while pitching. My DD has a very cool head in general. Someone can hit a homerun and she's fine. She can walk the bases loaded then get 3 outs and not let any runs score (or then have a grand slam hit off her). Cool as a cucumber. To her I think these are parts of the game - she's trying to get them out, they're trying to score; sometimes she wins, sometimes they do. These things roll of her. But give her an umpire with an inconsistent strike zone and you're going to see her frustration. She's not an emotional cryer (cries easily when physically hurt but not over emotional stuff) and the only time I can ever remember her in tears in the dugout outside of getting nailed by the ball or something was when we had a very, very inconsistent umpire. There was literally nothing she could do to get a strike call, it was crazy. Her location is spot on and she and her dad (calling pitches) tried everything. The other thing that gets her frustrated, though not as much, is when her team does not have her back. She doesn't get angry at them, but she does get frustrated.

I like to think that dealing with this will come in time. She's improved in her emotional reactions with umpires a lot over the past year. We told her, unfortunately, a strike is whatever the umpire says it is, and she can't let it get to her. Of course that's easier said than done. I imagine part of it is personality (she's pretty chill in general, so I think learning to let this roll off her is easier than it would be for a more uptight personality say, like mine) and part of it is just experience. We also try to keep it in perspective, for her as well as for ourselves. This is 10U softball. Not only does one game mean very little in the grand scheme, one tournament or even the entire year's worth of tournaments don't add up to much. Have fun and relax and just do the best you can with what you've got. That's what we tell her.

. she was even mad at the other girls parents for not working with them enough (this came after I pointed out that maybe the rest of the girls do not have dads who work with them as much as I do).

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Your DD has turned the rec ball corner and she's fortunate enough to have a father who will put the time in with her. Time to focus on TB and leave rec ball in the rear view mirror. Focus on making her the best play she can be. A word of advice. Speaking from experience. Don't coach. Put 100% of your time and effort into making you DD the best player she can be. Only started coaching after the DD finished 18U and was playing in college.

Sparky Guy said:

Your DD has turned the rec ball corner and she's fortunate enough to have a father who will put the time in with her. Time to focus on TB and leave rec ball in the rear view mirror. Focus on making her the best play she can be. A word of advice. Speaking from experience. Don't coach. Put 100% of your time and effort into making you DD the best player she can be. Only started coaching after the DD finished 18U and was playing in college.

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kinda of already starting on this. used to be HC for rec, but pulled back to AC only this year because of time commitments for TB. and I plan to focus on helping DD2 maxmimize her potential as softball player (and DD1 in FH, but I am a lot less help there!), right now mental game is her biggest issue. last year for rec, her decision.