Frustrations with school team

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Mar 29, 2017
155
18
Going to try and make a LONG story short, but I need to vent a little. We recently moved to a different state. We came from an area that had a strong Rec program, where I was the commissioner of the 14u and up softball division. I was also the President of a travel organization and managed a team for 2 years. We were 10u first year and 12u second year. Did well, 19-16 overall our first year and 20-10 overall second year. Had a number of coaches give me compliments on the girls, how they played, their attitudes etc. While I was involved with travel I also coached in the rec league I was the commish for, for about 6 years. I was an assistant coach to a HC that also coached at a local college. Used to take my travel teams to that same college for indoor practice where all the coaches would watch us, help, give me pointers etc. HC of college told me that he was keeping an eye on all my players, but specifically wanted both my DD's (at that time they were 9th and 6th grade) to come play for him.

Fast forward to after the move, new school. DD1 takes fall off of travel ball. With the move and changing schools etc, it was her choice so we went with it. DD2 wants to find a team, but we have a hard time. Try out and get offers from a few teams, but DD2 really wasn't feeling any of them. Ended up talking to the coach that took over my old team and all the tournaments they are planning to play are basically the same distance drive for them and for us, so we agree to meet at the tournaments and come down for practice when we can, maybe once a month. DD2 is playing JH so she is playing/practicing everyday. Travel team is only practicing 2 days a week, but most girls still play rec 2 times a week.

Here's where the problems start. School ball, specifically for DD1 (now 16, 10th grade). I was asked to be an assistant coach with the JH. Very young coaching staff, with a 2nd year HC, 1st year AC, another coach that played in college but I am pretty sure she is almost ready to retire and then me. Start coaching. HC of both HS and JH got a few emails saying how bad of a coach I am, I yell at the girls, give no encouragement, have no clue what I am doing, blah blah blah. Think I had already got under the HC skin about some things because he is teaching squish the bug, HE for pitching, and some other questionable stuff. I bring up some ideas and different ways to approach things and immediately was getting shot down. It was a bad thing that I told the players that they shouldn't be talking or texting on their phones while a coach is talking in an end of practice meeting. I shouldn't have yelled at the players that were in line for drills, but talking while a coach is showing everyone what they should be doing. I decide to leave and stop coaching. During the conversation with HC when I tell him that I am done, he tells me that its best that I leave because people in this area don't like travel coaches or players. Team went 5-13 his first year coaching (last year). They have been getting crushed by some decent to mediocre teams and narrowly beating some really bad teams.

Now, DD1 (again, 16) starts by coming home saying how she was put on JV. Majority of players on V ask her why and say she should be playing up there with them. One girl, that was my DD's "competition" for the V spot even said that she thought my DD would be getting the spot not her. Team is full of players with horrible throwing mechanics, horrible hitting mechanics, and no real knowledge of the game. During practice they go over situations in a classroom setting, my DD was told to not answer any more to force the others to try and answer and most of the time they either don't or are wrong.

Then DD1 starts coming home saying she is getting screamed at for errors. Other players are getting "Good try" "Nice effort" etc on missed plays. Ground ball between the legs, Good effort. DD has a ball take a bad hop and gets screamed at to get her body in front of the ball. I've seen her take shots to the face (with a facemask) on a bad hop and still get the out. I am fine with players being yelled at if necessary, but for things like disrespecting a coach, not paying attention, lack of effort. Not errors. Not when you see the player is trying and just made a mistake. This is the first time I have had her come home from practice and say she is not having fun. She has had tough coaches, but there is a difference with this. She seriously feels bullied. She gets no encouragement or positive reinforcement. Its all bad, all the time. Unless the JV coaches or the AD are there. Then he doesn't even talk to her. Cold shoulder like she doesn't exist.

I seriously don't know what to even do any more. I feel like if I say something to the HC that it will get worse, if I talk with the AD it will get worse. I really feel like he is trying to push her to quit.
 
Oct 2, 2015
615
18
I know exactly how you feel...
DD1 (senoir now) signed to play college ball this fall, and now 1/2 of the team hates her for no reason. All attitude all of the time.
Coaching staff's attitude has changed as well.
DD2 and DD3 are on JV squad, (basically the 9th grade team) and they are leaped and bounds ahead of everyone else, and they are the ones getting yelled at non-stop...why?...no idea
DD2, has 20 at bats so far this Spring, has 4 doubles, 4 triples and 2 HRs, with some singles and walks sprinkled in there....and is getting yelled at because they don't like how her hands "look"...she is absolutely pounding the ball.


My DDs are used to being disciplined, so all the yelling literally doesn't bother them...(like water off a duck's back) so to speak...

This is what I tell them...tough it out, and get the most out of it that you can.
Get your reps in for hitting and defense, and you'll be a better player after it's all said and done.

So you have 2 options, quit or make the best of it...and yes that sucks sometimes.
riseball, basically told me the same thing last summer..my oldest DD quit her travel ball team mid-season for the same reasons you are talking about, it couldn't have worked out better. She ended up on a great team! Thanks riseball!
But where you are at with your DD's school team (and my DDs school team), you are truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.
You can't quit a school ball team and jump onto another team like in travel ball.
Decisions, decisions...

Good luck
 

obbay

Banned
Aug 21, 2008
2,199
0
Boston, MA
Wow. that really sucks! I thought I had seen jackasses but this guy takes the cake!

This is what I tell them...tough it out, and get the most out of it that you can.
Get your reps in for hitting and defense, and you'll be a better player after it's all said and done
Although it is easier said than done, I think this can be good advice. the down side is it can also suck out all the fun and love for the game. (Happened to DD#2 with Basketball)

I think your DD is getting bullied and I think you go to the school administration about it, but it can be tricky. Schools are afraid of lawsuits relative to bullying
but she will never get justice as long as this coach is around, and the school won't get rid of him just because he's a bad coach, especially if any kids like him.
just thinking out loud- it would be good if you know someone who is a coach who could observe him coaching a few practices. then if your coach agrees with DD, then maybe he/she can help you resolve your situation.

boy that really sux.
 
Last edited:
Dec 10, 2015
845
63
Chautauqua County
First off, I am sorry softball is getting ruined for you and your girls. You didn't say if the coaches are teachers or not. Simply put, all good coaches are good teachers but not all good teachers (or former players) are good coaches. IME, teachers do not take kindly to outsiders advising them. In any case, you have oversized egos at play here, plus the usual school political crap. Plus the parental bias. Drama abounds, it seems, and usually where there is drama, there is some form of bullying. New kids in school can get the worst of it. You need to show up at a practrice or two and see what's going on.
I can say that I really don't see the need to yell at players. I saw that in you post.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
I can say that I really don't see the need to yell at players. I saw that in you post.

Saw that also. To the O.P., even if your credentials are very good, sounds like you misplayed the situation and have to take some responsibility for it, IMO. That doesn't mean that what you were coaching was wrong. But, it sounds like you really had something to offer but can't offer it because now because you came on too strong too early. Fast car, but took the curve too fast, as it were.

All that said, it really sucks what is happening with your daughter. Very tough situation. My DD had a teammate last summer who had just finished the 10th grade, where she was offered a spot on the JV team. Meanwhile, an SEC team was recruiting her that summer, and she wound up committing to a Big Ten school last fall. Some HS coaches unfortunately have no idea. I'd want DD to have a talk w/ the coach and express her concerns. Or if she's not ready to do it, have that talk yourself. I believe in commitment, but once a kid is being mistreated mentally, that can be a deal-breaker.
 
Mar 29, 2017
155
18
HC is not a teacher, but coaches another sport and its boys.

I was an assistant coach so I was helping at practices in the off season during winter workouts (from October to March) plus a few weeks into the season when this lead to me stepping down. Didn't see any of this, but like I said, DD says if the JV coaches are there, it doesn't happen. It only happens when it is just the V coaches and they are practicing together. JV coaches are teachers, but for different schools, not ours.

cvsoftball, you are correct that players shouldn't be yelled at. I should have used a different word I guess. Here is the situation. JH HC was talking during meeting after practice. I see 2 girls in the back talking and one texting away on her phone. I stopped the HC and told the girls that if a coach is talking they need to have their eyes forward, listening, not talking and phones need to stay put away till AFTER practice. I didn't go up to them yelling and screaming in their face. Just more or less said what I needed to in a stern voice. Not any louder then what I normally talk. Even if raising your voice when talking, to me there is a difference in talking louder to be heard or for a point of emphasis and yelling out of anger. Am I explaining that right? I used "yelled at" as disciplined I guess you would say, not the actual action of yelling at them. Make sense?

Also, the part where I said that I yelled at the girls in line, was what the HC said I did. He wasn't there. Had a few girls talking while I was instructing what they needed to do for a drill. I said "Hey" a little louder to get their attention, then asked them what I just got done saying about the drill. They had no clue.
 
Last edited:
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
I certainly have different expectations for different players. Some players I am happy they didn't get hurt and made it back to dugout alive, others better run down that ball in gap and make it look easy.

Is that Fair? IDK.

Some parents think I am yelling at thier kids, when you are trying to be heard 300' away yes I yell.
 
Mar 29, 2017
155
18
Some parents think I am yelling at thier kids, when you are trying to be heard 300' away yes I yell.

"Why does he always yell at my kid?" when you are in the 3rd base dugout and the player you are trying to get to hear you is in RF...
 
Jul 19, 2014
2,390
48
Madison, WI
Well, with all the griping I've done about my DD 3's HS program, I guess misery loves company.

From what I can tell, certain coaches get set in their ways, and do NOT like these new fangled ideas.

For example, my DD 3 made a huge mistake. She was told she would be the JV starting pitcher, and she assumed that meant she had a leadership role on the team. It didn't take her very long to step on the JV coach's toes that way. DD 3 had the unmitigated gaul, as a freshman, to suggest new drills to the coach, not knowing she was supposed to just do the same old drills and grumble about it away from practice like everyone else. By the first game there was a new starting pitcher, that's for sure. And DD 3 gets a lot of the same thing. Another girl makes an error, nice try. DD 3 makes an error, she's not taking the game seriously.
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
DD is fighting her own battles with coaches, she knows where DW and I am if it gets out of control. Never has yet, she wants us to stay out of it.
 

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