HS Softball Woes

DD is a freshman, playing Varsity and catching as well. She has played for a few different coaches in her TB/MS days, and likes the hard but fair type coaching. Was all excited to get to HS to play ball with girls she has played TB with and against.

We have heard from parents that the HS softball staff leaves something to be desired, but we are the types that try to wait and make our own decision, based on our own experiences. So we went into this season with our hearts set on having a good and fun HS season, with or without the win totals.

Well 1/3 into the season and I have never seen such a negative program in my life. The coaches are extremely negative, which filters down to the players, then the parents. Some of the Seniors and Juniors are so nasty to the rest of the girls, every game is miserable. The coaching staff are such control freaks, even if a girl does something right, they get lambasted for something, just so the coaches feel like they are "offering good coaching". There is absolutely no positive reinforcement what so ever. We even saw a girl on our team hit a HR, and get yelled at from our coaching staff for being congratulated by the other team as she rounded the bases.

Some of the parents are the worst of the worst. Their kid is the best ever, no matter what. If their kid makes an error, or has a bad game, it is because of all the other kids around on the field. Now, I know my kid isn't the best, but she is a damn good ball player, and a great leader on the field and in the dugout. Always positive and cheers for her team mates, along with a few other girls, most of whom are lower classmen. It is seriously taking its toll on my daughter who is starting to not enjoy softball anymore because of this. And this is something I will not stand for. If she wants to stop playing, that is on her, but I will not have someone else make her stop by stealing the fun from it.

Does anyone else have similar issues with this? I know mental toughness is required to play this wonderful sport, but damn, how much does a kid have to take?

Survive this year and do not go out again next year, you are not going to change anything so IMO it is not worth fighting.

dad2twoballers said:

And this is something I will not stand for.

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Try not going to the games and let your daughter sort it out. She is old enough to handle it herself.

Pretty tough situation; my sympathies. Unfortunately, sometimes there are circumstances you just can't control, and it sounds like the rot on this team goes deep. If it's one coach or one parent or one player in a class organization, it can be taken care of. When it's the whole lot, it can be a very uncomfortable situation!

And that's the exact lesson for your DD, and it's a life lesson: she needs to rise above. Not every situation can be controlled, but you keep your head up, be a positive leader, show others the right way to act. It can be hard for a kid to learn that adults are not always (or even usually) perfect. Teach her not to be angry about it, but to just feel a bit sorry for those around the team who are not behaving the way they should. One day the HS softball experience will be over, and she'll have survived it and learned how to exist in a bad situation that she did her little part to make better. This will serve her well later in life.

Good luck!

HS ball is a crap shoot at best. DD played, but was not really happy her freshman year. Upperclassmen were not really nice to her or the other freshman, probably because they viewed them as a threat to their playing time. Anyway, when DD was a junior and senior I reminded her and her friends to remember how they were treated and to not make the same mistakes. She said they treated the freshmen well, and I hope they did, but I never check up on them.

a) The truth? Your DD either likes softball enough to put up with bad coaches or she doesn't. There is no law saying that your DD has to play softball. If she doesn't want to play HS ball next year, let her skip it. (I had 2 DDs who played for a bad coach. DD#1 loved softball and she put up with the coach. DD#3 liked, but did not love, softball and she stopped playing HS softball.)

b) Do you expect your DD to earn money during her life? Do you think it is possible that she might work for a bad boss or a bad client? If so, don't you think she should learn how to handle such a situation? Would you be telling her to quit?

c) Is your DD upset about the softball program, or is she upset because you are upset? Are you possibly making the situation worse? Is she complaining or are you complaining?

Anyway...parents sometimes have a tough time with HS ball. Why?

What parents do is find a TB team that perfectly fits their situation...they find coaches that they and their DD likes. They find a TB program where DD gets the "just right" amount of playing time. They find a TB program which doesn't travel too much or too little. They find a TB program with "like minded" player parents. In other words, they find a "perfect" TB program for their DD. And, parents and the DD think this is the way things should be...and then they go to HS.

The parents don't pick the coaches, they don't pick the teammates, and they don't pick the parents, they don't pick the schedules...in fact, they have little control over anything. So, they get way too upset.

*You*, as a parent, need to step back and let your DD handle it. (If she is physically in danger, that is something else...but stupid, overbearing softball coaches are a dime a dozen.)

I almost completely agree with everyone, with one caveat.

In general, I would be very upset if one of my kids every quit a sport in the middle of a season. When DD 3 was in 1st grade, she wanted to quit soccer in the middle of the season, but I made an agreement that if she finished the season, I would never make her play soccer again.

However, that was a case where the coach was a great guy.

DD 1 wanted to quit softball in the middle of a season, but that was just because the team was losing every game. I made her stick it out.

I would almost never want a kid to quit mid-season. I realize there are exceptions.
If there is any physical danger, take your DD out NOW. Don't giver her the choice.
If the coaches are physically abusive, take your DD out NOW. Don't give her the choice.
If you think the the coaches might be psychologically abusive, then talk to your DD. Let her quit if she thinks the coaches are actually abusive, rather than just being jerks. Psychological abuse can be very real. If she is being abused, even it is "just" psychological abuse, she should leave the program. Now. Not next week. Now.
If the coaches are just jerks, stay in for the rest of the season, then leave and never come back.

HS softball = 100 Days of H#LL........

The transition from TB to HS ball is generally pretty tough on most parents... Your experience is probably not much different (at some point at least) from every player/parent that has made a transition... I hate to hear about the negativity that is apparently surrounding the team but as others have pointed out, you do not get to pick the HS team that your daughter is going to play for... If you were having this type of experience from a TB team, I expect that you would be looking for a different team OR the team would fall apart...

The problem with most HS programs is softball is a sideshow and the administration is not really looking to build a program, or there are local politics involved, or a combination... I have seen really successful HS teams with a great coach go to absolute crap because the coach wasn't playing one of the "founding father's" kids enough and the coach was run off OR the coach was playing the "name" kids instead of the one's with real talent... On the other side, I have seen schools that have enough talent to put together some great teams but the administration is not interested in securing a quality head coach and utilizes the math teachers/groundskeepers as "assistant coaches"... It is rare to find a HS that does it all right but when you do, you usually find a very successful program that is a joy to watch and play for... Even those that get some of it right can be successful but for the most part parents are going to have to lower their expectations from TB to HS...

I would not put up with physical or mental abuse but short of that, both of my DD's learned some valuable lessons having to deal with the issues presented with school ball... They both grew through the experience (DD#2 is still growing through it) and learned how to deal with some of the issues they will not normally see in an upper tier travel organization...

My advice to a parent:
1. Turn loose of the reigns and let your DD grow, you will be surprised I assure you.
2. Set your expectations somewhere between TB and Rec Ball for most HS teams.
3. Tune the parents out - if you have to sit in RF in order to avoid the BS, then do so.
4. Encourage your DD to do her best in order to make the team successful, even when other members of the team have "quit".
5. Point out the positive things you see and do not mention the other players' errors, mistakes, etc.
6. When issues arise (outside of physical or mental abuse) let your DD handle them with the coach.

Probably 50 more things I could add to the list but those 6 are usually where most parents struggle the most.

I really enjoy reading all of your answers. Thank you very much.

BUT as a parent, it just sucks seeing her (and quite a few of her fellow team mates) joy for the game being destroyed by a coaching staff that could care less about the girls, as long as they get their season stipend. This has been communicated to us a few times actually.

My first instinct is to protect my child within reason of course, but also want her to be able to mentally handle situations like this. I find myself asking my wife, when is the tipping point that we as parents have to step in and say enough is enough before long lasting damage to her happiness occurs. But then again, you need to work and endure for something you love.

I think the worst part of it, is the fact that she is a catcher, and she can hear the a-hole parents behind the backstop ripping all the girls, including her, during the game. She has said multiple times that she can hear the comments made by parents.

It is a very different animal than TB. In TB her coach rewards his players with a good job here, or a nice hit there. One thing I can say though, is there is no "daddy ball" here. The best 9 do play, and the others sit until called upon.

I am just a firm believer that negativity all the time can destroy a team.