How hard to push, when to back off?

Hello! Just looking for some feedback/advice, or maybe just a place to vent. My DD currently plays for one of the higher-end 10U travel teams in our area. On the teams she's played on (travel, all stars and rec) she is consistently one of the better players, or else middle of the pack while being the youngest on the team. She is ultra-competitive, and still learning to keep her emotions in check when things don't go her way.

From the beginning, we have told her that we will do anything we can to help her reach her goals, be they athletic, academic, etc. For softball, this has turned into something (practice, lessons, or fitness) virtually every night of the week. She goes to all of these willingly, and when she does well, leaves completely charged up for the next one. Lately, we have seen her performance drop off in practice and in lessons. Where she used to be a complete monster at the plate, she is now struggling to hit with the same power and consistency she had just a few months ago. When we ask if she wants to take a break, cut back on the lessons, and not take it so darn seriously, she always says no, she wants to keep pushing and power through it. Although softball is definitely "her thing", she has plenty of friends outside of the sport, does great in her academics and has lots of other hobbies.

Recognizing that she is just starting out in her softball journey, are we better off cutting back a little, maybe just focusing on practice and tournaments? Part of me thinks that this is a temporary dip and she will work through it, but I can also sense the seed of uncertainty starting to creep in. The last thing we want to do is ruin the sport for her by going so hard so young, but I also don't want to short-change her by cutting back unnecessarily. We're really struggling with figuring out the right balance to best keep her on the path she has been on while still continuing to enjoy the game as much as she has up to now.

Just curious if anyone has any thoughts on this or gone through a similar situation with their DD.

Thanks...JF

Knowing you support her choice - no matter what it is - is the most important part (IMO). If she is self-motivated to keep working at getting past her current struggles, let her. Having a performance drop-off is not unusual, and there are a lot of things that can be the root of it, including growth spurts.


Also...Welcome to DFP! Enjoy the ride

juliefox_24 said:

For softball, this has turned into something (practice, lessons, or fitness) virtually every night of the week.

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What is your long term plan? Can y'all keep up with this schedule every week? When do you pare it back? Sounds like the pedal is jammed down.

My DD turned 16 this week and I understand the struggle with when to put the pedal to the metal and when to pump the brakes. Once my kid turned 13/14 she found her inner voice and that's when I realized that I need to back off. I have seen many great athletes fall to the wayside that were doing what you are doing with your kid. I have also seen kids continue to excel and many kids that got passed up in skills. At 10U these kids don't know what they want. Heck they don't even know if they are wearing clean underwear! I would say don't worry about trying to keep up the Jones'. Let her play all sports and yes at the rec level. Soccer, Basketball, summer swim team. But if softball is her main focus, then play travel ball too. Or maybe take a seasonal break in the fall to play other sports. There will be no need for fitness training if she plays other sports. I regret not starting earlier with basketball. My DD liked bball because she said she can be aggressive and throw some elbows. It got her into real shape too. But her HS JV coach squashed her fun of basketball. Now it's Softball only-HS ball, Summer Travel, Fall Showcasing, Camps, Long break rinse then repeat. If she's not having fun then it becomes a burden. Keep it fun!!!

At our house, the brakes have been pumped for several months. As of last week I pressed the accelerator down a bit to get her into playing shape for the summer run. We are getting back on track with hitting lessons, and her TB coach has been doing catcher only workouts. I have allowed her enough of a mental break as I know this summer is going to be grueling for her. I try to go in bursts in order work up to a big event.

And yes her performance will drop and pick up. Those things are called slumps. Peaks and valleys. The come and go.

Do what's best for her and your family.

Where she used to be a complete monster at the plate, she is now struggling to hit with the same power and consistency she had just a few months ago.

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Time for a better hitting coach. Seriously...your DD's batting is not keeping up with the improved pitching.

The last thing we want to do is ruin the sport for her by going so hard so young, but I also don't want to short-change her by cutting back unnecessarily.

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This is really a great question.

Honestly, I hate the current "12 months of softball" routine of child sports. It is too much.

A person does need to take time off and completely get away from the sport/job/family and do something completely different for a while...maybe a month or two.

My advice is finish out the season, and then take some time off and get her completely away from softball. No practice. No games. No lessons. I would do that for perhaps for a month or two.

She is ultra-competitive, and still learning to keep her emotions in check when things don't go her way.

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When she figures that out, please let the MLB know the solution...

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sluggers said:

This is really a great question.

Honestly, I hate the current "12 months of softball" routine of child sports. It is too much.

A person does need to take time off and completely get away from the sport/job/family and do something completely different for a while...maybe a month or two.

My advice is finish out the season, and then take some time off and get her completely away from softball. No practice. No games. No lessons. I would do that for perhaps for a month or two.

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This is what we do with our 10U DD. After Nationals in July, she gets the rest of the Summer (minus three or four days of tryouts) to do whatever she wants. We also break between Thanksgiving and New Years.

You need to incorporate a "vacation" from the sport every year; everyone in every sport hangs the cleats or sneakers up at some point throughout the year (Thanksgiving to New Year and the month of August come to mind). Don't worry about "losing" time or missing out on quality development time. The time off is beneficial from both a physical and mental standpoint and will actually have more positive affect than negative in the long run.

EVERYONE in life takes a vacation from their walk of life. We all take vacations from our jobs, athletes take time off away from their game and kids have school breaks. It's necessary for a healthy life.

She is 10...let her be 10 when you can (sleepovers, goin to movies, birthday parties, go to 6-flags, go to the beach, go sledding, bike riding, etc.) My advice is to not let her miss out on being a kid so she can practice softball 52 weeks a year. If you cutback a little, when you do practice it will be much more effective and enjoyable.

You're the parent too...you can tell her "No softball the rest of the summer" or "No softball till after New Year's". You can tell her that with the confidence she will not "fall behind" and she will come back mentally and physically ready.

I have a motivated 10U player too. We force her to take breaks, not just for her mental health but for her physical health as well. She pretty much plays/practices softball year round. So we take off a few weeks after our world series in July, and a month at Christmas. We don't let her pitch every day. If she wants to hit we will let her do that as much as she wants, usually. We try really hard to follow her lead, outside of the breaks we make her take a couple of times a year. I've noticed that by June she's starting to look a bit burned out so the break after the world series is nice. Plus the breaks seem to recharge her, physically and mentally. Every time we take one I swear she gains 2-3 mph on her fastball when she comes back. I really think they need the down time whether they realize it or not.

As for the parental side, I try not to think about things like falling behind, college recruiting, all that jazz. I'm putting that off til 2nd year 12U. 70% of athletes quit by age 13, I read. Why? Because it's not fun anymore. Right now the main thing is that they learn fundamentals, develop their skills, and that they love the game. Her dad and I decided this year our main goal for her is that she have fun (last year was kind of a mess). She still works hard because that's her nature. At the same time we would really love for her not to be in the 70% that burn out by the time they become teenagers. It seems to be a hard balance to find.

Thanks everyone for your responses. We truly appreciate your feedback and thoughts on the right way to approach this. So much of our “family time” is wrapped up in softball; practices and lessons, working on our own, weekends at tournaments, discussions at the dinner table etc.; I’m sure many of you can relate.

One of the things we love about the experience so far is that it teaches DD that if she sets a goal and works hard, she can achieve it. Hope that doesn’t sound too corny, but it’s not lost on her that her abilities exceed most of her teammates because of how hard she works at it. I completely agree that at this age fundamentals and having fun are extremely important, but also know that the thing that gets our DD excited is improving and playing with and against better players, not socializing and hanging out with her friends at the softball field. The recent dip in performance is throwing her for a loop and we will do our best to convince her that setbacks are expected and part of the journey. And as a family, we need to agree that her skills will not degrade if she takes some time off to do something else.

Thanks again for all of the comments, really appreciated!….LF

At 10U I am a big fan of girls playing multiple sports. Get her into volleyball, basketball, lacrosse. I would worry about burning her out if she is playing or practicing softball 12 months a year at 10U.

A very good question. If you're doing any athletic activity EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK, or year-round, it's time to review why.

Even professional players take days off in season and significant time off between seasons. The body and mind requires it. For my DD, a minimum of two months break is taken in late Fall; while we might occasionally work out, the gear is put up and nobody mentions "softball" unless it's in the context of a team party or sleepover. Now, as the season approaches, Mondays are a rest day at my house. A month or two from now, it will probably be Monday AND Tuesday if the weekend tournament was especially draining. We accomplish the same tasks every week, but how and when those things are done is altered to prevent too much of a "routine" to set in, and most days are focused on one thing that takes no more than an hour. We've been at this for 10 years now.

As for the apparent slump at the plate, it may be that she's seeing better pitching, it may be a growing kid figuring out their new dimensions, or it could be a tired kid pressing.

You mentioned that she can get emotional if things don't go her way. That's common, and my own kid has occasionally allowed self-pity to get in the way of success, but it needs to be brought under control. Fortunately, she has a HC who will bench her if he sees it. If it's the type of "emotional" that causes her to lash out at team mates and / or coaches, it needs to be fixed pronto.