Milestone and Teachable Moment

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LetsPlayTwo

LetsPlayTwo
Jul 4, 2014
24
0
Ohio
DD just got her driver's license. Today's HS SB "Captains Practice" (upper Midwest so still indoors) will be the first time I or mom haven't driven her or supervised her driving to practice, games, etc. I coached her in Rec and TB before "retiring" so we've spent a lot of time together in and out of the car related to SB. I admit having some mixed feelings about the inevitable passage of time.

On to the teachable moment...She is a notoriously last-minute out-the-door kid. I have always had to manage our time getting to activities. She has slowly come to understand why you have to wake up at 6:00 AM for a 9:00 game that's 1 hour away and it takes you 1 hour to get out the door, but she hates everything about being told when to get up, when we have to be out of the house, etc., but then loves it when we get on the field. I probably pushed too hard a few times, but because I was often coaching, I had a reason to "be early". Compounding the HS SB situation, the HS coach is a Vince Lombardi type when it comes to being on time...On time is being there 15 minutes early...So, do we usher her out door with plenty of time to spare like usual or let her figure it out by herself. BTW, Its only about a 10 minute drive to school, but late is late. Wondering how others worked through the new driver situation related to SB?
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
If there are consequences, she will figure it out on her own. :)

If I drive we are there 15 minutes early, if wife drives we are usally in parking lot on time.
 

Me_and_my_big_mouth

witty softball quote
Sep 11, 2014
437
18
Pacific NW
DD just got her driver's license. Today's HS SB "Captains Practice" (upper Midwest so still indoors) will be the first time I or mom haven't driven her or supervised her driving to practice, games, etc. I coached her in Rec and TB before "retiring" so we've spent a lot of time together in and out of the car related to SB. I admit having some mixed feelings about the inevitable passage of time.

On to the teachable moment...She is a notoriously last-minute out-the-door kid. I have always had to manage our time getting to activities. She has slowly come to understand why you have to wake up at 6:00 AM for a 9:00 game that's 1 hour away and it takes you 1 hour to get out the door, but she hates everything about being told when to get up, when we have to be out of the house, etc., but then loves it when we get on the field. I probably pushed too hard a few times, but because I was often coaching, I had a reason to "be early". Compounding the HS SB situation, the HS coach is a Vince Lombardi type when it comes to being on time...On time is being there 15 minutes early...So, do we usher her out door with plenty of time to spare like usual or let her figure it out by herself. BTW, Its only about a 10 minute drive to school, but late is late. Wondering how others worked through the new driver situation related to SB?
I think this is the moment that some life lessons happen.

Remind her gently, then stop talking about it. If she doesn't learn it now, she'll struggle with it later (and she probably will anyway). You can tell them 100 times that the stove is hot, but one touch and the message is much stronger.

Congrats on her license!
 
Nov 26, 2010
4,782
113
Michigan
I'd tell her what time you would leave if you were driving. Like "FYI for practice I would leave 30 minutes ahead of time. 10 minutes for the drive , 5 to get your shoes changed and that will get you there 15 minutes early like Coach Vince wants."

Then It's up to her. If she is late don't sweat it, it's her problem not yours.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,974
83
She sounds like my DD2. Sleeps till the last possible second and then she's running out of the door in a hurry in disarray. And she's been done with school for quite some time now. OTOH, DD1 gets up early, gets ready and leaves giving herself time to get there early.
 
Jun 6, 2016
2,712
113
Chicago
I've always looked at being late as a lack of respect for the people who are waiting on you. It makes it appear that you don't care enough about the people and situation to figure out how long it should take you to get there and then leave at the appropriate time. And even if that's not the intention, that's the perception of the people who are waiting on you.

Of course there are always unique occurrences (a crash on the highway that makes everyone on the road an hour late), and we're all late from time to time. But if I'm on a team and I see someone habitually late for team events, I'm going to assume they don't care that much. That person might care more than anybody, but, again perception matters. So maybe ask one who is prone to being late to look at it from the other side. How does it look to everybody else? We teach them to not care too much what other people think, but in this case, if your actions make your teammates think you don't care, that's a problem.
 
Jul 25, 2015
148
0
Lol, if DD#2 is late to anything, it will not be her fault... I went through all the teeth gnashing and pulling hair out with DD#1 and I guess what I said and did stuck with DD#2... If DD#2 is less than 20 minutes early, she considers herself to be late, she stays on DW constantly about leaving early when I am not around and will say "getting to the parking lot on time doesn't count!" When she starts driving, I have no doubt she will be just fine...
 
Jul 19, 2014
2,390
48
Madison, WI
My DD 2 got her DL a couple of weeks ago. In fact, exactly two weeks ago. She just brought DD 3 home from school and left again to take DD 3 to work as I was writing this.

At some point you have to trust your DD. You taught her well, I presume, and those lessons will stick.

Some of it she has to learn on her own, the hard way.

The single most important thing -- no matter what, put safety ahead of speed. Make sure she realizes that if she gets there late, it is forgivable, and a good teaching moment. If she speeds and gets in an accident, that is many, many times worse. That will frustrate her, but at some point she will learn to leave on time.


I understand about teaching a kid to drive in the Midwest. So far I have 3 kids who drive, and all of them took their road tests in the winter. A big part of teaching DD 2 how to drive was how to deal with ice and snow and other conditions. You haven't really taught a kid to drive in the Midwest unless you have had her drive into a snowbank, get stuck, and get out of the mess on her own. You haven't taught her how to drive unless she has skidded on ice and learned to recover.

A few days ago DD 2 drove to school right after an ice storm. I knew she could handle it.
 

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