Bullying issue

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Jun 26, 2016
7
0
Hi all! I need your advice on how to handle this situation.

My DD is a junior in high school. She is a good player and has been playing travel since she was 11. When my daughter started on her high school varsity team as a freshmen she was the only freshmen on the team, unfortunately for her. There was another player on the team (a sophomore) who we have known since our early travel days (my daughter and her were on the same travel team for a couple years before we decided to join another organization). When this girl was a freshmen, she was the star of the show. However, my daughter's freshmen year she really blossomed. She had the highest batting average, RBI, runs, and home runs on the team. She also was good in the field, at third base, where she never played previously. I think this other player became jealous and a couple times my daughter would come home upset because this girl had made a mean comment to her and even once hit her with a bat! Because I was friends with her mother previously I didn't want to make a big deal about it and figured it would blow over or my daughter was exaggerating.

My daughter's sophomore year but was similar, however things did seem to escalate throughout the season. I won't go into too much detail but there were several text exchanges between my daughter and this other girl that I deemed to be bullying and encouraged my daughter to just stay away from her.

Towards the end of last season, I got a call from the AD and had to pick up my daughter from school. There was a picture on snapchat that was "anonymously" sent into the school of my daughter with an email stating that my daughter was snorting drugs on the bus. I saw the picture...it was a pixie stick...however because of the accusations my daughter was suspended from school for the day and not allowed to play in the last week of the season. To make matters worse...this "anonymous" email was sent in by this girls MOTHER (her son told my daughter and apologized for his mother's actions!). I had my kid drug tested to prove to the school but for whatever reason they wouldn't repeal their decision. This other player ended up being named "all conference" while my DD couldn't even go to the end of the year banquet.

This has led to my DD having a great deal of anxiety and trust issues with her team mates. She is also actively being recruited by D1, D2 and D3 schools and she is paranoid that this would somehow be brought up again (the school has erased her disciplinary record as the accusations were false) which could jeopardize her future and potential college career. The start of the new season is approaching and I have arranged to meet with the AD. I basically do not want this girl to be made captain in fear that sh will destroy my kid but don't think I can demand that. Does anyone have any suggestions? Besides quitting the team? Has anyone gone through anything like this before?

Thanks for your help!
 
Jun 11, 2012
741
63
I would meet with the AD and the principal to make sure there is an action plan in place if this girl starts up again.
Our school has a zero tolerance bullying policy and that girl would not be eligible to be a captain if she had a bullying offense on her record.
Sorry your DD is going through this
 
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
Oh no, I'm so sorry. Sucks because you can't just switch school teams like you can travel teams. I agree with the above advice. Meet with the school officials and be proactive. Don't even deal with the bully mom and daughter. It sounds like the school realizes they jumped the gun in terms of disciplining your daughter. Take advantage of that. Include the Head Coach in the discussion too. Don't ask for special treatment; just ask everyone to keep their eyes open. And your daughter should have no conversations with the other girl other than "business" discussions related to team matters. Karma generally bites people like this in the behind eventually.
 
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
If there is good chance that something with her HS team may jeopardize her college career the decision is simple, quit the HS team and move on. Nothing in HS is worth losing out on a college opportunity.

Otherwise as some have suggested meet with both the coach, the AD, and whomever is responsible for coordination of the anti-bullying program at the school. Lay your cards on the table and make it clear that there is an issue and who is involved. Also make it clear that from that point forward should there be an incident you expect the issue to be dealt with quickly and decisively. In the event they fail to take action you immediately remove her from the team and seek a legal remedy.
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
113
This is something, I might consider talking to a lawyer about. If your child has been denied Due Process and punished for something she didn't do and then, you fear something like this happening again which could cost her a scholarship, then this is more serious than a typical bullying case.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
In the event they fail to take action you immediately remove her from the team and seek a legal remedy

It's unfortunate, but that seems to be the only way to get schools to take things seriously. School administrations are deathly afraid of a lawsuit. Especially when they over-reacted armed only with an "anonymous" accusation the prior season and no formal fact finding before suspending your DD.
 
Feb 12, 2014
648
43
Very good advice from folks here, especially Rise and Cannon. If I were in that situation, I would seriously consider leaving the HS team and focusing on travel ball. I live in Ohio, so I would consider open enrollment options as well but I don't know if that's an option where you live. If you do decide to continue, based on the earlier suspension, I would absolutely involve legal counsel. Sparky is right - nothing scares the bejesus out of school administrators like a lawyer, especially since it seems that they really screwed up previously.

I have tremendous sympathy for you and hope you can come to a good conclusion for you and your DD.
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
That is unreal. If your story is the whole story then I would definitely get a lawyer involved, for both the school and that girl's mother. Unbelievable. I also don't think high school ball is really necessary for recruiting these days, is it? It really might not be worth staying on the team if she can play travel instead. I can't imagine the stress of that situation, for her.
 
Feb 4, 2015
641
28
Massachusetts
I agree with the others about mentioning legal action if the school doesn't address this issue and ensure they adequately address any future incidents. If you have letters from colleges that she's being actively recruited, you have a case of liable for slander and defamation of character should something happen to her school records similar to the previous suspension.

Nothing scares administrators more than having the local news channel asking them questions about why they failed to protect a student from bullying, falsely accusing them, and now it's in the courts. I'm not saying you want to go down this road, just making it clear to the administration what "could happen" if they don't stop this now.
 

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