Bullying issue

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Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
This is something, I might consider talking to a lawyer about. If your child has been denied Due Process and punished for something she didn't do and then, you fear something like this happening again which could cost her a scholarship, then this is more serious than a typical bullying case.

This is great advice. Just having an attorney contact the school may be all it takes to ensure no further aberrant behavior is tolerated.
 
Oct 19, 2009
1,277
38
beyond the fences
A meeting is a great idea- the bully and her bully mom should also meet with administration,
the mere threat of hiring an attorney will send shockwaves to the bully family-

It is a tough situation as HS ball is an opportunity to play the game the girls love without the pressure
of a travel club. Good luck sorting it out- I wish you and your DD the best
 
May 7, 2008
8,506
48
Tucson
Sending your daughter home, because of a drug accusation, is ridiculous. The internet can be a very harmful thing.
Yes, I would have an attorney with us, at any meetings concerning my daughter.
 
Nov 2, 2015
192
16
Has your DD talked to this girl who's bullying her? I've heard a lot of people say "talk to the coach, the AD, the Principal, get a lawyer, etc...."
Not sure I've heard anyone suggest having your daughter talk to this person. Asking the girl why she treats her a certain why, letting her know that she's not ok with, and telling her that she want to be good teammates and win together....

Who knows, that could be all that it takes....
 
Sep 29, 2014
2,421
113
99% of time I find the best course of action is to let DD sort it out. Maybe this falls into the 1%, not sure.

This is tough but this has to be the majority of the solution. One know most teams have a team blast text group with everyone on the team and that is fine...the odds are very high she won't broadcast her bullying but aside from that there is no reason to open twitter, Instagram, Facebook, snapchat or any other kind of communication that comes from this girl. If they have class together sit on the other side of the room, sit on the other side of the dugout and stay as far away from her as possible and always interact only when other students are around never alone, seriously just walk away.

Given the escalation by her parents it is necessary talk talk to the school administration: Principal, AD and coach simply state "given what happened last year with the bullying and then false accusation and the school siding with the bully you have decided to give the school this one last chance before investigating taking legal action against the school" your only request is that they "simply abide by their own anti-bullying policy and follow due process regarding any unsubstantiated or anonymous tips" You don't need to have an hour long meeting where everyone talks endlessly about how they care about your DD; they have shown their true colors with their actions.

As an aside how does the rest of the team feel...this usually does not happen in a vacuum. This other girl most have most of the team behind her but hopefully your DD has a few friends that are tired of this girls antics. Worst case silly stuff starts happening, odds are they will probably go up to the line seeing what they can get away with...if it gets to be too much I would just tell her to quit and go back for her senior year when this girl is no longer around, unless of course its like I said and the whole team is against her.
 
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Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
Volonery drug test should have put a stop of it from school's point of view.

Sounds like she did something stupid which she will not do again.

DD suspended, Great! She is too conservative.
 
Jun 26, 2016
7
0
Thanks for the advice guys! I guess I forgot to mention...we did hire an attorney at the end of last year when this happened which is why nothing is on her disciplinary record. The suspension was because they needed to "investigate" which meant just basically talking to the other girls on the team who confirmed it was not drugs.

The other girls on the team think it is ridiculous and know my DD did nothing wrong but they have all been told not to say anything by their parents in fear that something like this happens to their daughter. I have talked to these parents and they are not interested in coming to the school with complaints. This girl has bullied other girls on the team (one very talented player quit, another is basically trying to coast through her senior year on the team) and this mother has threatened to file assault charges against one of them when the girl was texting her daughter asking for a sweatshirt to be returned. Our HS coach is a younger girl (recently graduated after playing D 1) and I think is intimidated by this mother/player. She is also a teacher and is worried they would say something to get her fired from her coaching position and possibly jeopardize her job (ie. what they did to my DD). The player misses practices but still gets to play in games (against the team rules) and is allowed to play whatever position she wants while my daughter (who is primary catcher/shortstop) had to play first base to "benefit" the team. My daughter hasn't played first since little league and did well enough but obviously didn't shine like she would when playing positions she's used to. I found out from the coach later that she was called and "screamed" at by this mother that her daughter either plays shortstop or catcher or they would be going to the AD.

I think part of the issue is this mother works for the school and is friendly with the administration and AD, therefore, her daughter is protected. There is also a "good faith rule" that if a parent thinks a child is doing drugs they can come forward anonymously for the child to get help so technically she didn't do anything wrong. I had a meeting with the principal over the summer who did seem to think they whole thing was terrible but that was about it. I know it may be me being petty but I don't think this girl should be made captain of the team. She was already awarded for her bad behavior...and she just doesn't deserve it! I don't think I can just come out say this to the AD without sounding ridiculous.

Thanks for letting me vent! I appreciate all the advice!
 
Jun 26, 2016
7
0
Ps. I also confronted the mother...she denied denied denied. She's the only one who would do this...her son confirmed it to my daughter as well as the girl's ex boyfriend and best friend. She basically bragged about "destroying my DD's life" and told everyone she was addicted to narcotic pain killers. To top it off...she also told everyone my older daughter (who is an APRN) stole it from the hospital and provided it to her! Lawyer said can't pursue slander in that case because there is no written proof and it's all rumor spread by teenagers....life can be such a b**** sometimes can't it?
 
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
I strongly disagree with those urging you to have your daughter handle this on her own. This situation is too far out of control for a teenager to handle. She needs to steer as far clear of this girl (and her mother) as she can. She needs to try to avoid being alone with this girl at all costs. Always have a "buddy" with her during practices, transportation to games, etc..., who can serve as a witness should sneaky bully girl try to pull something off on the sly. I would also have your DD get off all social media until the season is over. Don't give this girl any ammo, no matter how innocent a silly picture or post may actually be. You've seen how those can get misconstrued.
 
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