Stick it out or move on after season?

UglySport said:

The practices 3 days a week are extremely rigorous, effective & informative. I have witnessed girls crying puking, swearing never to return. However, the team seems to get better as daughter does but daughter is still behind.

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3 years of TB and I've never experienced a practice with crying and puking - this alone should maybe make you reconsider this team. There are varying opinions on when (or if) to move your kid to the next level, what that next level should provide for playing time, and when to step back and re-adjust goals. When my DD moved from travel to rec - she played on a team with older girls and didn't play alot. Her next team was "B" level and she played every game in some capacity, but it wasn't very competitive and she seemed to put in a lot more work than her teammates. Now she's on a more competitive team and she's back to not playing as much. I don't think there's a "right" answer. Like many have said, it really depends on your DD. Someone suggested that I monitor practices and not so much game time so I'm doing that and keeping her confidence up. I hope she steps up to this competitive level, but it may ultimately not be her thing. I think you have to be willing to give new levels a try and then adjust the goals as needed.

Mars dad said:

Hard for me to read so many people think it is a better option to quit the current team to find a team this kid could start for. Forget softball. What does that teach the kid? So in a few years this kid starts college and she finds out it is a little tougher then she thought. Would your advice be the same? Should she quit her current school and find an easier school, or work a little harder?

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It teaches the kid that if she is in a relationship where she is not valued and doesn't get much enjoyment that it is OK to end it and look for something better. She wouldn't be quitting softball, just looking for a team that will better help her meet her goals, whether that's to be the best player possible or just to play and have fun, or both.

That said, I don't know that she should leave this team. If she says she likes it, then I'd tend to trust her on that. As a parent, I'd just make her aware of her choices.

djcarter1966 said:

It is also fine to ride it out this year and see what happens. Also don't get hung up on their being a "right" answer that someone can provide you. As long as there is no abuse physical or emotional there is not only "one" easy solution. Many on here have been in these situations have stayed and many have left in both scenarios some regretted it and others never looked back and there are tons variables that even being right there you are not sure about, just make sure she keeps working and keeps having fun.

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I come home from work & she's already dressed to go practice but, I feel in my gut that it's not that much fun to her anymore it's has become strictly an agenda for her to not make mistakes and continue to improve...I can see this but just can't get her to voluntary say those words.

UglySport said:

I come home from work & she's already dressed to go practice but, I feel in my gut that it's not that much fun to her anymore it's has become strictly an agenda for her to not make mistakes and continue to improve...I can see this but just can't get her to voluntary say those words.

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Just keep an eye on her and let her decide. It sounds like you are a parent who genuinely cares about her. I've seen too many who force a kid to play on a team that is not a good fit for them. When she is ready she'll tell you and then it's up to you to support her decision and help as best you can. We all might have different opinions, but every person who comments wants her to succeed.

What are your DD’s goals? If she’s just playing for the heck of it, find whatever team gets her the most innings. Be aware though that she’ll probably receive inferior coaching. Her teammates will care more about going to the mall than softball. They’re more likely to laugh or blame others for errors than working on what it takes to stop it from happening again.

If she really wants to improve or has college aspirations get her on the best team she can and worry more about high quality coaching than innings. A good coach is going to make sure she has an opportunity to face game situations. “A” caliber teammates will motivate her to get better. Improving at her age takes coaching and practice, practice, practice. Gettingmore innings facing inferior opponents or being taught the improper way to do things isn’t going to help her at all.

You made a common mistake--I made the same mistake with with my DD.

Your DD won't get better unless she plays. She needs to play at least 70% of the time.

Go talk to the coaches. Don't threaten them...it is more a matter of fact discussion about how much playing time she will get next year.

If they are not going to give her more time, then say, "Thanks, bye."

CoogansBluff said:

It teaches the kid that if she is in a relationship where she is not valued and doesn't get much enjoyment that it is OK to end it and look for something better. She wouldn't be quitting softball, just looking for a team that will better help her meet her goals, whether that's to be the best player possible or just to play and have fun, or both.

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If everything, every moment is transactional and requires an immediate all-or-none response, then the concept of "team" is completely meaningless. And the same goes for commitments.

"Coach, you only played us, I mean, my daughter in 1 game last Saturday, while all other players - except Suzie, who got hurt during her 1st game, not that we're naming names or anything - played at least 2 games. Therefore, we have decided to leave the team. Thank you and good luck. We wish you well."

I think there is some utility in helping young people to learn the value of persistence or working through a situation even when they're unhappy - acknowledging that everyone's line in the sand is different - but at the same time, I appreciate that we all have different standards.

That said, generally speaking, a player needs to play to get better and as a rule, playing is more fun than not playing.

Mars dad said:

Hard for me to read so many people think it is a better option to quit the current team to find a team this kid could start for. Forget softball. What does that teach the kid? So in a few years this kid starts college and she finds out it is a little tougher then she thought. Would your advice be the same? Should she quit her current school and find an easier school, or work a little harder?

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You teach your kid that you gave it your all but some situations don't always work out the way you want and you need to make an intelligent decision on when to make a change to get more benefit from your work

No one is suggesting she quit without trying or putting everything you have out there. But sometimes it is never going to be enough. That is as big of a life lesson as any.

(also coach picking up players unnecessary, practices ending with kids puking, etc are some big old red flags)

Momo'sDad said:

If everything, every moment is transactional and requires an immediate all-or-none response, then the concept of "team" is completely meaningless. And the same goes for commitments.

"Coach, you only played us, I mean, my daughter in 1 game last Saturday, while all other players - except Suzie, who got hurt during her 1st game, not that we're naming names or anything - played at least 2 games. Therefore, we have decided to leave the team. Thank you and good luck. We wish you well."

I think there is some utility in helping young people to learn the value of persistence or working through a situation even when they're unhappy - acknowledging that everyone's line in the sand is different - but at the same time, I appreciate that we all have different standards.

That said, generally speaking, a player needs to play to get better and as a rule, playing is more fun than not playing.

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Agree w/ all.

I'm not talking about walking out on an obligation. I'm talking about re-assessing your membership on a team after the fall season is complete and after you get no at-bats in bracket play and after pickup/guest players are given playing time over regular players. As a coach, I never had hard feelings over players who tested the waters in the fall and declined to return in the spring.

UglySport-it won't aleays be an easy road, for you or your DD, but use the time to enjoy time together. Road trips, travel, driving umpteen hours a week, etc. Build her up, let the coach do the coaching.
My DD now plays D3, but that wasn't always the plan. She went from little league at age 11 to a 14u team because the economy was booming and every 12u team was full. She was the worst and was lucky to get innings and an at bat. Our team SUCKED, she was still the one with the most improvement needed. The next two years she was at different teams but at least her age. She was usually lucky to get 3 innings, sometimes she didn't get that. She continued to work hard, earned starting job on the school team 3 of 4 years and was on varsity 4 years. By her senior year, she's was one of five girls even playing across those three teams. She worked hard, I paid a lot of money for coaching, she battled broken fingers, legs, a back and shoulder injury to be where she is today.
My point is-today doesn't define her. It's not the end of her path. It's the beginning of a long road, believe in her but enjoy the time you have now. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it when you see the confidence and strength she is building within herself.