Unacceptable

My daughter is a late start 14U player. She started last year at 12 and has done very well. She is playing on a 14U-B tournament team and holding her own but as happens is making some mistakes and has hit a slump at the plate.
Her coach uses the term "unacceptable" with her and the other girls quite liberally and I am finding that it really upsets both me and my daughter. He will tell them if they strike out that its unacceptable or if they make an error that its unacceptable. Now, I haven't played ball in too many years than I want to mention but I don't ever recall a coach ever telling me that anything I did was unacceptable other than maybe my attitude a time or two.
I want to confront the coach about this but before I do I thought I would get the opinion of you folks to see if I was was off base or if anyone else feels the same way I do.

I would not confront the coach. I would suggest a friendly discussion regarding what might be a more effective coaching style with your DD. There is no "one size fits all" approach to coaching. What works with one player may or may not work with another. A quality coach will go to great lengths to find what works for each player. It does sound like the coach needs to understand that failure is the only path to success and so long as failure is accompanied by learning and improvement, failure is not a bad thing.

I do think that coaches that communicate like that lose the ability to communicate to thier players. DD will tune them out after the first few times and the rest they say will go into her head as blah, blah, blah.

yeah, it may not be a huge deal......sometimes we get stuck using a word a lot, and sometimes we never think of the meaning/connotation of our word choice; i can't tell you how many times i tell girls something like "bend and follow through" lol

i NEVER say protect the plate with 2 strikes.....it's always ATTACK with 2, protect to me creates a tone of passivity

i never say "don't lose her" to a pitcher, always something POSITIVE....

there's a ton of others i try and avoid.....throw strikes (no kidding?!) comes to mind



so i am not there, can't here the usage.....but just try mentioning it to the coach, tell them how the girls are perceiving it (because perception is reality), and see what he says......might not even be picking up on it, and may not even want to come across the way it is coming across


the only "errors" that would be unacceptable to me would be as a result of lack of physical or mental effort!

tim_s said:

yeah, it may not be a huge deal......sometimes we get stuck using a word a lot, and sometimes we never think of the meaning/connotation of our word choice; i can't tell you how many times i tell girls something like "bend and follow through" lol

i NEVER say protect the plate with 2 strikes.....it's always ATTACK with 2, protect to me creates a tone of passivity

i never say "don't lose her" to a pitcher, always something POSITIVE....

there's a ton of others i try and avoid.....throw strikes (no kidding?!) comes to mind



so i am not there, can't here the usage.....but just try mentioning it to the coach, tell them how the girls are perceiving it (because perception is reality), and see what he says......might not even be picking up on it, and may not even want to come across the way it is coming across


the only "errors" that would be unacceptable to me would be as a result of lack of physical or mental effort!

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As long as they are using it with everyone to describe any mistake sounds like they are just stuck on that word and it does not really mean what they think it means

I don't like coaches who do it, but if it's done equally to everyone it's not the end of the world. I have a bigger problem with coaches that can't let a mistake go and stay on the poor kid. It boggles my mind how any man or woman things it's OK to yell at some scared kid for making an error or striking out. Once they hit 14 or 16U the kids get much better at tuning them out. It's the 10 and 12U ones that blow my mind.

I use the term unacceptable, but only in team settings dealing with attitude and effort.

The phrase that gets me is "come on." I think it is one of the most unintentional negative phrases out there.

Sounds like he may not really understand what unacceptable means or has never defined what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable effort. I think most coaches of that age would say watching 3 strikes down the middle is an unacceptable strikeout or an easy ground ball that goes between their legs is an unacceptable error. However, if all strikeouts and errors are deemed unacceptable then he either needs to understand what the word means and how he is using it, or he has very unrealistic expectations.

Cheer-mom, honestly, you are overreacting. Your DD reflects you...so, your DD is primarily reacting to your reaction, not to the coach.

My DD#1 and DD#3 played sports in college...their coaches used words much, much more "colorful" words to describe errors and mistakes than "unacceptable". They even went so far as to offer interesting descriptions of my DDs' mental and physical abilities.

But...the coach *is* using "unacceptable" correctly.

"Unacceptable" means "not pleasing or welcome : not acceptable". "Acceptable" means "worthy of general approval".

Is a strikeout or "not pleasing or welcome"? Yes, no matter what the circumstance, errors and strikeout are neither pleasing nor welcome.

Is a strikeout or error "worthy of general approval"? No...therefore, the coach is correct in saying that a strikeout or error is "unacceptable".

sluggers said:

Cheer-mom, honestly, I think you are overreacting. My DD#1 and DD#3 played sports in college...their coaches used words much, much more "colorful" words to describe errors and mistakes than "unacceptable", and even went so far as to offer interesting descriptions of my DDs' mental and physical abilities.

But...the coach *is* using "unacceptable" correctly.

"Unacceptable" means "not pleasing or welcome : not acceptable". "Acceptable" means "worthy of general approval".

Is a strikeout or "not pleasing or welcome"? Yes, no matter what the circumstance, errors and strikeout are not pleasing.

Is a strikeout or error "worthy of general approval"? No...therefore, the coach is correct in saying that a strikeout or error is "unacceptable".

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Considering some of the generally accepted synonyms and their strong negative connotations, I would say the coaches use of the word is unacceptable.

synonyms: intolerable, insufferable, unsatisfactory, inadmissible, inappropriate, unsuitable, undesirable, unreasonable, insupportable;