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Mar 13, 2014
35
8
No, this thread isn't about how to choose a travel team!

I know DFP members have some amazing kids. And I know these amazing kids have a variety of interests and activities. I'm curious how your family decided which activities your kids would concentrate on and when you made the decision? (And before someone corrects me or makes some condescending post about how it's not really my decision, let's all just agree that it's a given that we're talking about helping our DDs make the best decision possible to support their particular interests).

Now for some background on our situation. My oldest will be 11 about a week. She has a lot of interests and participates in a lot of activities, though three take up the majority of her time: ballet, soccer, and softball/pitching. She's pretty good at all and says that she loves them equally. To give an idea of where she stands with each:

  • She plays club soccer at a fairly high level (think A travel). She' s a forward and scored 55 goals last season (about 30 games).
  • In ballet she is in a group with girls 1 to 2 years older. She also participates in their dance company. They put on shows in fall/spring.
  • She plays rec softball (10U), including their "light travel" team (think all-stars). She dominated the rec league and was the #1 pitcher on the all-star team, played SS when not pitching, and led the team in every batting category. The previous year she was the only girl to make the 10U all-star team as a 9U.
She also used to do gymnastics, but gave that up last year. She did not want to participate in team (which is what everything was geared towards after a certain point) so it was easy to cut out. She still takes the occasional class.

We've managed to juggle everything up to this point, but suddenly this fall the time commitment to ballet has basically doubled as they begin training for pointe. They are required to be there 3 nights a week, plus take two "elective" classes. We managed to schedule her elective classes on days where she is already there, but that means she is at dance for 2.5 to 3 hours at a clip. As I said, she's also in their dance company, so with Saturday rehearsal for that, she's at dance 4 days a week for a total of 9 - 10 hours.

Soccer practice is 1.5 hours two nights a week, with an optional 1 hour clinic on Fridays, and usually one game on Sunday (unless there is a tournament). Games are within an hours drive (one way).

This was going to be the year we went to year-round travel with softball, but after we got a look at the ballet schedule we didn't even go to a tryout. Then her pitching coach invited her to participate in winter/spring team she is forming. I thought that might be a good fit until I looked at their game schedule. No way we could get in weekday games most weeks. At this point, I'm not even sure she will have time to play rec next year.

We've explained this to her of course. How trying to do all three would not be fair to us (both monetarily as well from a time perspective for shuttling her around) or fair to her activities (splitting time/attention between three instead of focusing on two). She says, "But I love softball!" If we suggest that she reduce the dance commitment or transfer to another studio, she replies, "But I love dance and all my friends are there!" Soccer fees have been paid for the year, so any changes there will have to wait for next season.

My ideal would be for her to play softball and soccer and participate in dance in some reduced capacity, but again, we are trying to help her make the choice, not make it for her. Honestly, I'm pretty sure ballet is not her future. She's very strong and agile, but doesn't have the flowing grace or flexibility that I think being a ballerina would require. I don't know if that is something that can be taught. But she really enjoys it. Plus, this is where her most consistent group of friends originated. She makes friends easily on her sports teams, but those change every year. The same girls have been taking dance together since they were toddlers.

So back to the original question. Did your family face a similar decision? And if so, how was the decision made? Did your child just naturally gravitate one direction or the other, or did you have to guide/push? Did it just work itself out, or did you force the issue?

C/N: Daughter is in too many activities. How do we decide between them?
 
Nov 6, 2013
771
16
Baja, AZ
Our DD (13 YO) and DS (11YO) have pretty intense schedules that they do and that they want to do. DW and I are pretty fried getting the to and from their extracurricular (sp?) activities. But the kids know as long as they get good grades, we'll support them as best as we can. I the past year, the family schedule changed from the whole family going to out-of-town softball tournaments, to DD and only one parent goes. The other holds down the fort and gets DS to his stuff.

We involve the kids in decision making when time conflicts arise, so they have ownership of their activities but have our guidance (and occasionally, our veto power).

Good luck!
 
Oct 31, 2014
35
0
Kansas City
We have 4 kids, so pragmatically we have limitations due to $ and time involved that we can't overcome. I let our kids know that we really can only do 1 activity at a time that requires set practices. As an example, DD does softball year round, but also does Hunter/Jumper riding. The HJ lessons can be rescheduled or missed, so gives us flexibility. Our boys race BMX and also do Scouting. BMX races are flexible in that we don't HAVE to go if something else comes up. It's definitely a tough call!
 

Merrill Danner

Relax and breathe!
Sep 26, 2012
130
16
74441 - Oklahoma
I have a DD that was the same, but last July, between multiple sports, ad playing league and travel ball, she ended up with pneumonia.
This knocked her down for 3 weeks and took months to get back to 100%. After that she decided that her priority was fast pitch, the rest was for fun and to stay in shape.
 

JAD

Feb 20, 2012
8,231
38
Georgia
As your DD gets older, the time commitment to play high level travel sports will make it very difficult to do more than one. Let her enjoy it while she can and eventually one will need to become her favorite.
 
Jun 18, 2013
322
18
When both of my kids were very young, think 7-8, and just starting sports/activities I explained that they would have to start learning to juggle. I told them to think of every activity as one ball that they would have to keep in the air. They knew that schoolwork and family commitments were going to always be in the rotation so they would have to decide if they could handle a third ball before they could commit to another activity. If they felt like they could handle that then we would take it on and then evaluate it again at the end of the season. Now, every time they want to add anything to their schedule we sit down as a family and have the discussion about whether or not they can keep all of the balls they are currently responsible for in the air if they add another one or if they are going to have to drop one in order to add the new one.

My DS picked up a summer job and wanted to continue working when school started back up. We had the same discussion and he felt like he could handle it. After the first week of school he came to me and told me that it wasn't a problem yet, but he felt like he was going to start slipping in the three AP classes he is taking this year if he had to manage his work schedule too. He turned in his notice the next day and I told him that I was proud of him for recognizing the issue before it overwhelmed him.

You need to sit down with your daughter and have a difficult but heartfelt conversation about what her priorities are. She is going to have to make a decision about what she loves more. There is absolutely no way that she can become a top notch pitcher and keep up with the type of dance schedule that she has right now. If dance is where her heart is though, then that is where she should be focusing her efforts. Let her play softball at the rec level and enjoy that time as a break from the monotony of the dance grind but don't make it into another grind that just burns her out more.

My DD is just now moving into the serious travel softball world and plays one step below AAU level travel basketball. She participates in show choir and has been recruited by the cheerleading coach to come be a base because of how strong she is for her build. She also wants to be on the dance team at school. We just had to sit down and discuss how all of that sounds fun but she doesn't have the ability to juggle that many activities and the timing would not work since they overlap too much. It sucks to tell your kid that they can't do something that they want to do, but sometimes that is what we have to do. Don't base it off of how you judge her abilities or skill set though. Base it off of her love of that activity. You should know in your heart which one she truly loves the most.
 
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
I feel your pain. DD is almost 12 and we faced a similar situation in the spring. List of activities she was doing in the Spring: rec ball, All-Star/Select team, karate (not a biggie to miss class, but it's still on our list), and piano. Then, she had the opportunity to try out for an AAU basketball travel team. I would call softball her #1 sports and basketball her #2. We were VERY upfront with the basketball coach, who insisted that at least half the girls on the team play another sport and they would work with us (there were 11 girls, so they always had enough for each tournament).

I kept a rotating schedule and tried not to miss too many of any of the three activities (rec, All-Star, basketball). When there were conflicts, I just decided which one needed her the most that weekend. It was pretty exhausting, but the coaches didn't complain.

Now, this fall, we have dropped piano (much to my dismay, but she hated it and it took too much time). Karate contract is up in December. I hate for her to quit that b/c she's a 2nd degree Black Belt and good at it, but she has lost the passion. So, we'll probably be down to just softball and basketball. The AAU basketball thing is a problem b/c it is spring/summer and conflicts w/ softball. She can still play church-league basketball in the winter, but I think she'll have to make a choice between higher-level softball and higher-level basketball. I'm sure softball would win in a tug of war.

Oh, meanwhile, I have another kid. A 10-year old son. I've been feeling very guilty about him b/c he gets dragged to all his sister's stuff and the only activity he has right now is karate (which he doesn't like). He's not an athlete; we've tried multiple team sports. He is taking Archery lessons. I wish he would find his passion like DD has. Well, he has video games, but I don't think that counts.

So, it's going to boil down to choices. Sounds to me like ballet is the easiest to drop and that that will free up a lot of time.
 

Axe

Jul 7, 2011
459
18
Atlanta
It's hard to decide. If she wants to keep playing softball without giving up something else try to see if your Rec league will let her play up to 12U. If she's as good as you say it should be a no-brainer. That will give her a bit more competition and allow you to kick the can down the road for 1 more year before having to decide.
 
Nov 26, 2010
4,784
113
Michigan
This is how it went at our house. Natalie, we can't do another spring of soccer, softball and track. Track isn't that big of a deal because you do it right after school but you have to pick between soccer or softball (that was out loud) please pick softball, please pick softball (that was on the inside)

She picked softball.
 
Mar 13, 2014
35
8
Thanks for all of the replies so far. I had a feeling it was a fairly common situation.

I have a DD that was the same, but last July, between multiple sports, ad playing league and travel ball, she ended up with pneumonia. This knocked her down for 3 weeks and took months to get back to 100%. After that she decided that her priority was fast pitch, the rest was for fun and to stay in shape.

Coincidentally, she will be having surgery in the near future that will keep her down for a while. She might be able to get back to ballet sooner than soccer, but she will definitely have some time to reflect. Hopefully it helps.

It sucks to tell your kid that they can't do something that they want to do, but sometimes that is what we have to do. Don't base it off of how you judge her abilities or skill set though. Base it off of her love of that activity. You should know in your heart which one she truly loves the most.

That's just it; I can't tell. I believe her when she says she enjoys them all. I'll have to ask the DW and see if she has an idea.

Sounds to me like ballet is the easiest to drop and that that will free up a lot of time.

That's my opinion too, but again, that's where all her best friends are. But yes it would free up a ton of time (and money).

It's hard to decide. If she wants to keep playing softball without giving up something else try to see if your Rec league will let her play up to 12U.

This is a good idea, but she ages-up anyway (2004 bday). Some suggested that she play 12U this year, but she wanted to stay with the girls she knew. Plus, since she didn't have a ton of pitching experience, I thought it was best.

This is how it went at our house. Natalie, we can't do another spring of soccer, softball and track. Track isn't that big of a deal because you do it right after school but you have to pick between soccer or softball (that was out loud) please pick softball, please pick softball (that was on the inside).

That would be my wife, but she'd be saying "Please pick dance." (She was a dancer.)
 
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