DPD-Delusional Parent Disorder
This may have been shared already. It came across my facebook feed recently.
DELUSIONAL PARENT DISORDER (DPD) IN YOUTH SPORTS
I have both DPD and DCD. This is why I spend so much time at DFP.
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bucket pinata (03-19-2015),
Good article. ...
I tend to think that it's an overblown stereotype, though. Those w/ DPD certainly exist, but I find most parents to be pretty fair at judging their kids' abilities relative to other kids on a team over time, especially if they are seasoned travel parents.
There are also many parents who underestimate their kids because they're so hard on them. Others might give up on them too soon. ''She just isn't a softball player. We'll try something else.''
Sometimes parents believe their kids are better than the coach does, and they're actually right. I've seen kids who left teams and thrived under coaches who held them in higher esteem. I can also think back to situations where I as a coach didn't give an opportunity to a player whose parent thought they deserved the opportunity (ie, to pitch, or play infield). It thought they just couldn't see their daughters weren't that good. In retrospect, I think now they were right. I didn't have enough experience to realize that potential isn't realized when you are 9-years-old.
Anyway, those are my ramblings on the subject. Yes, those parents are out there. But I would not say that parents in general overrate their kids, not significantly. Most are reality-based.
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You're right. There are extremes on both ends and a lot of grey in the middle. The point that stuck most with me is it really only takes one of 'those' parents to make the team experience a painful one.
I'm like Coogan, I experience the parents that are too hard on their kids over those that have unrealistic views.
I often think it comes from the instant society we live in. As a pitching instructor the first 3 lessons are usually when a parent will decide if their kid is not cut out to be a pitcher. If by 3 lessons they are not throwing flaming strikes then it just wasn't meant to be.
I've also had parents blame coaches for their kids not being able to become pitchers. Those over delusional ones will think after 3 lessons their kid should be starting every game and when they don't they'll call me to tell me that they won't be taking lessons anymore because the coach won't pitch them. Ramble on about how the coach ruined their kids chances to ever be a pitcher. They need an out to place the blame so they don't have to look at the reality of the situation.
There is an actual disorder called The Dunning–Kruger effect
"The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which an unskilled person makes poor decisions and arrives at erroneous conclusions, but their incompetence denies them the metacognitive ability to realize their mistakes. The unskilled therefore suffer from illusory superiority, rating their own ability as above average, much higher than it actually is, while the highly skilled underrate their abilities, suffering from illusory inferiority."
I know a good number of people who suffer from both the positive and negitive of this disorder.
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This probably applies to parents watching their kids in sports. The more you know about the game, the more flaws you'll see in your DD's game. Of course, the more you will see flaws in others as well, but if nothing else, that knowledge of the game should make you humble.
Originally Posted by Cobb_of_Fury
Meanwhile, I think a lot of parents who overrate their children in sports just don't understand the game that well. They aren't biased as much as they are, for a lack of a better word, ignorant. Maybe they don't see the big picture. They assume that if their kid's team won 8 tournaments last year that all those players must be some of the best in the state. But they have no idea what level they're playing, or what really made the team win, who the difference-makers were, etc.
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The biggest problem parents I see are the ones who don't know how much they don't know. The knowledge usually comes with age. As with kids, parents are learning too as their kids get older. You can see it as the kids move up in age. The evolution of the softball parent goes something like this for most parents.
6-8 Most of it is fun. The parents are happy if their DD's put the ball in play and make a few plays on the field.
9 1st year of travel. OMG These girls are good. I had no idea softball was like this.
10 2nd year of travel. The parents start to feel they know something. Start to wonder about the coach.
Some find the "Parent Goggles" with the rose colored lenses.
11 1st year of 12's. The DD's team that moved up was going to kick butt. Why do they keep losing?
12 2nd year of 12's. What the heck is that coach doing? Doesn't he know anything? He/She should be doing this and that. So and So should be playing here. Why is the coach pitching her? The coach has favorites. WE should look for another team. So and So's mom agrees with me. The coach won't listen to my suggestions.
13 1st year of 14's. Those girls are getting better. Maybe the coaches do know something.
14 2nd year of 14's. I just want to sit and watch the games. Still second guesses the coach.
15 The elite players are separated from the rest.
I'm still glad my DD wants to play softball. The other parents are too quiet during the games. The
coach needs to know that the colleges will be looking at my DD. She needs to play all the time.
16-18 The talent has found it's own levels.
Need to find a nice spot to watch the game in my lawn chair. So glad the DD deals with coach and
the team schedule. Happy she can drive herself to practice. My DD has not signed yet. Why isn't the
coach doing more for her? After Verbal... Life is good... No werriez mahn...
College: Show up and watch. It's all out of your hands. It's amazing the DD can balance school, ball and a
social life at school. The schedule is on the team web site. Wow She's really grown up.
Your experience may vary. But this is what I've seen over the years with my own DD's playing and coaching with no DD's on the team.
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I love the reaction from players and parents when I have a new student come in for pitching lessons. The first session is always an evaluation to establish a baseline to move forward. I let them do their own thing. Their warm ups complete with wrist flicks and then shoot video of them in full motion from front and back. Then the fun starts with me showing them some elite pitchers and pointing out certain aspects of the mechanics. Finally we review the video I just shot of them while we compare and contrast. Humility achieved along with a pretty good grasp on the work that lies ahead.
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Just did this recently with a 14yr old. Dad brought her to me because she had no speed or control, couldn't figure it out because her instructor told her she had "perfect mechanics". When I showed him his DD compared to more elite pitchers, yeah there was a light bulb moment.
Originally Posted by riseball