Dealing with Upperclassmen making it hard on DD

You really need to limit yourself to coaching and supporting your DD through this. It would take a severe reason for you to become directly involved by contacting the coach and/or going above him.

Your DD should first try handling it with her teammates. She can confront the main culprits in a variety of ways without punching them. Turning the other cheek didn't work last year and she doesn't have to do it again. They're bullies and will continue until someone makes them stop.

If your DD wants to go to the coach about it, she should approach the issue indirectly by advocating a team policy of everyone being respectful and supportive of each other. It's a valid policy that benefits the whole team - learning how to work with people that you don't particularly like is a life lesson that will serve them well in the future.

You shouldn't let your DD quit unless she has exhausted all avenues to turn the situation around and it isn't worth sticking it out for the season. At that point, it would take something substantive (e.g. cut the troublemakers) to get your DD to relent because they already had their chances to work it out.

"how that may affect her in the eyes of the college coaches."

It has ZERO effect.

I am about to pop someone in the face, today, over the runaround at a doctor's office and pharmacy and insurance company - for the past 11 days. We all know that she (nor I) can do that. As much as I would like to pound someone today, it is not worth being sued or getting a record over. I am certain she will not play ball in college, if she assaults a teammate. Plus, she will be suspended from school. Tell, the girls to stick it and walk away with her head held high.

My DD had a problem with the JV. She was on varsity and JV as a freshman. The varsity girls were welcoming. When DD played JV, the sophomores and juniors, who were on JV only, were nasty to her. I told DD to decide if she really wants to play HS softball. She said that she did/does, so she is developing a thicker skin to deal with it.

nanotech14 said:

Tell her to punch a couple of those B***h in the mouth. If they don't respect her, have them fear her. Not kidding either.

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Let me get this straight, some players are ignoring her and she feels like an outcast so she should punch some of these kids in the mouth so they will accept her more? Why not just shoot them too Nanotech, she'll get lots of respect then?

IMO, sluggers has it right. She can either work hard and continue to play high school softball and wait for the upperclassman to graduate or she can quit (which is probably what most of her jealous teammates are expecting and then they win). It's really her choice.

My dd went thru it as a Freshman making varsity. It is very common. She also played elite travel ball. Keep in mind that in most school systems this is bullying and needs to be addressed as such. One kid threw stones at her, because she was convinced the dd was going to take her starting spot. At each practice she thought it was funny. DD took it on herself to talk to the coach and the team captain. It stopped, but females are brutal and if you don't step up it won't stop. Our high school coach was also a travel ball coach for years and knew exactly how to handle the situation.

YOCOACH said:

coach james said:

Just gotta keep her head down and her mouth shut. Work her tail off to prove to them that she belongs there. It happens EVERYWHERE!

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CJ, I may be wrong, but from what I've read in the OP, I got that his DD already proved she belonged there by having a solid stick, good attitude and playing as a starting outfielder.

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She proved herself with the coaches, but when dealing with upper classmen, they will view her as a weak link just because of her age... she now has to prove it to them with lights out and consistent performance on the field.

I agree with many of the others. It sounds like the team is not worth her time, and I'm sure there are plenty of other ways she can enjoy her time in HS rather than softball. Have her go out for the track team while she is waiting for the TB season to start. There is absolutely no reason to feel miserable for an extracurricular activity that is supposed to be fun. If the coach comes and asks why she did not come out, simply let him know the situation continues on the team and your DD chose to move on.

Rocketech1 said:

Let me get this straight, some players are ignoring her and she feels like an outcast so she should punch some of these kids in the mouth so they will accept her more? Why not just shoot them too Nanotech, she'll get lots of respect then?

IMO, sluggers has it right. She can either work hard and continue to play high school softball and wait for the upperclassman to graduate or she can quit (which is probably what most of her jealous teammates are expecting and then they win). It's really her choice.

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No don't shoot them, ammo is expensive . Your one crazy human. Punching them would be really nice, but not in these times. It is just, if you turn the other cheek all the time, when does it ever stop?

First, don't punch them. She'll be off the team right away. Secondly, I've told my dd to do the same. My dd is big enough to do it. When she was a freshman in HS, her problem was not with the varsity girls. Pretty much all of them liked her and the coach was a good man. The problem came from the JV where the players and parents were upset that the freshman passed them up. Naturally, my dd didn't punch anyone but, instead, went to practice and games excited and ready to play. She "killed' a few of the seniors and juniors on varsity with kindness. You know, brought cookies etc. and offered one every once in a while to someone she didn't run with. Of course she was big enough that they couldn't take the cookies etc. from her. One thing that I think dd figured out right away and which is important to this situation, "No one has power over you unless you give them that power."

One other thing to keep in mind is not letting people/these players see where he "goat is tied." In that way, they can't "get her goat."

Finally, take this with a grain of sand since I don't know your dd and her coach. If I were the coach, I'd like for her to come in and talk to me about this. As a coach, I am certain that I can fix this situation without drawing attention to your dd and that she and I talked. For example, I might end a practice after calling a team together and say something like, "Great work today, you ladies are great teammates. I appreciate the efforts. You all know that there are teams where they pick on an underclass player out of jealousy. I'm so glad you girls are above it. I've had teams in the past where I had to punish them for picking on underclass players. Again, I appreciate your efforts to accept everyone here at teammates. Have a great night tonight."