Why do parents put up with bad coaching?

cmustangsfp said:

I choose the more motivational tact. I would have said. this:
"Girls, we only scored 1 run in these two games, and that is not going to get it done. If you want to win, you need to be aggressive at the plate, we can't get up there looking like a deer in the headlights, and we can't get in there and swing at bad pitches. You are better than that but I didn't see it out there today. YOU NEED TO DO BETTER IF YOU WANT TO WIN. I can coach you, but I can't play for you. So you all decide if you want to be a good team that wins or a team that just goes through the motions. I want you all to wipe this weekend away, refocus and come back a little angry at how you played next time. Let's get in here, huddle then break and go get something to eat. Someone said something about Outback steakhouse........"

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I prefer the above..

JJsqueeze said:

One post-game discussion is not enough data to understand or judge a coach. If this is his only mode of conversation then, yes, he is a jerk. But there is no way of knowing if this is his standard behavior, a one time transgression etc.

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I agree. My main problem is that he put all the blame on the girls. Never once did he admit he or his coaching staff was at fault or were even capable of making a mistake. I listened to him for a good 10-15 minutes as I loaded my teams gear up. His message was blame the girls. In some of these scenarios it seems like the coach is trying to justify his need to remain the coach. By delivering his message in a round-about way he is basically saying to the parents "If your DD's didn't suck so bad we would be winning because I am an awesome coach. You need to leave them here with me and continue this charade because it is not possible that I am a bad coach and cannot teach your DD's, it is that your DD's didn't put forth enough effort, skill, insert your favorite blame phrase." Kind of like the parent that always goes around excusing their DD's errors by saying things like "She is tired today. She is nervous today. She normally makes those throws.....etc....etc...." They do it by shouting things out to their DD's that are really meant for others to hear "C'mon Patty, I know you stayed up late last night, but FOCUS!" "C'mon Patty, I know you're nervous because these are new people, but RELAX!"

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. My AC's make mistakes. Sometimes when I send a girl on a steal, I have underestimated the catcher or overestimated my girls speed. She gets out, it's on me. If she makes a baserunning mistake, it's on her, but I will put it down as something to work on between games or next practice so that it becomes less on her and more on me. If she makes a baserunning mistake, but was being aggressive, I might explain to her that there is a time and place for that, but I also take the time to know my girls and know when to let them be free enough to make that mistake. Sometimes I call a bad pitch and it gets smacked. That's on me. There are numerous times where I as the coach have a chance to make an impact on the game, so the game is never totally the girls fault, but sometimes the L is totally on me. I believe in owning your mistakes and then working to eradicate them.

I have seen a bunch of these coaches around all kinds of sports. I watch other coaches to see if there is anything I can learn.

JJsqueeze said:

I prefer the above..

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And I would not have had a problem with that. As a parent or one of your AC's.

You Identified the problem, stated the need to fix it and showed belief in the girls that they could fix it.

SoftSocDad said:

It's an insulting cop-out and borderline misogynist commentary for you to reduce young female athletes to being mere products of their feelings. Athletes and competitors of all ages feel better when they win, and it has nothing to do with gender. What motivates one boy or girl may cause a teammate to shut down. The ideal coaching style for every player is as unique as the players themselves.

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Goodness gracious - I will be looking for some help here SSD on your "launch" into this thread covering a good topic.

Please tell me you aren't getting your dander up on the suggestion that, OMG, there might be a general difference between motivating boys & girls....? Why would you immediately place a derogatory tone on these statements of perceived general traits?

Amy in AZ. said:

I never spent much time, if any, post game. Anyone else, just let them leave, unless something major happened in the game?

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Goes back to the 24hr rule we coaches put on our parents. It's best if a coach takes time to reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly before they address the players.

Well said. Sometimes the players need to make corrections. Sometimes the coaches need to make corrections. I believe both can be accomplished without demeaning anyone. Sometimes coaches do need to be harder on their players/team, but I prefer not to do that at the end of a bad day.

I was talking to a players mother in the off season one year. Her dd had played for me for three years. She was telling me about a conversation that she had with her daughter. The mother told me that she didn't like the fact that I would yell at her daughter and that she thought that it was counter productive to her play.

She asked her daughter if it bothered her that Coach Sleepwalker was yelling at her during the games. The daughter looked at her and said, "Mom, Coach Sleepwalker is coaching me. Do you ever notice that he doesn't shout out instructions or give feedback to some of the girls on the team during the game? I know that when he is yelling at me that he is still coaching me. If he wasn't yelling at me, I would be concerned."

I had that conversation with the mother seven years ago and, to this day, she calls me up and shares with me all of her dd's softball successes.

My personal opinion is that every kid is motivated by different means. Some kids need constant praises and some kids need to be reminded about where to go with the ball if it is hit to them. Some kids need immediate feedback and some kids can wait 24 hours before addressing an issue.

Usually, I am a heck of a lot better coach at the end of the year than at the beginning of the year. At the end of the year, I have usually found out the best way to motivate the individual players and team as a whole.

If coaching was easy, I would never get to coach. There would be too many people from the various organizations letting their family members take all the glory.

As to the OP, if it is the only TB team in the area, parents are more likely to put up with bad coaches. If there are several TB programs available, parents should research the coaches and organizations prior to playing the game of CHANCE.

Along this line of thought, I never took my teams out to the OF, to discuss anything. I said it in front of the parents. I guess teams go out there to get the kid's attention, but the parents need to know what is going on. I always included them.

Out in Left Field said:

You are all men I presume, coaching girls. You can't do this stuff in public schools, rec centers or anything related to government. It would be discrimination. There are coed gym class, lots of mixed sports and sports classes for young kids, and everyone is looking for everything to be in compliance with Title IX. You have to teach all the same, bring the same lesson plan for all. No one needs babying and what works for girls, works just as well for boys. And no one needs a hard a-- either to get the most out of the kids. That's giving boys the short end of the stick if you ask me.

And there are plenty of hard a-- female coaches, especially in college. Seen plenty of chairs thrown by the famous womens basketball coach at my college while they went for many titles. But that's not for kids.

The parents will be in your office, or the AD, school board or mayor's office, in a second.

Has anyone taken coaching courses because they teach for it to be the same? And how can you teach girls when you have such little regard of their motivation, wow. Again, that attitude would not be tolerated if found out about. If I knew who you were and knew you were my kid's coach, I would be looking into this. How do you know if your lack of respect (kids can sense it) isn't what is causing the eye rolling.

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Speaking to your last point first- yes, I have taken coaching courses and if I understand what you are saying (I say that because I think you have a typo in the first sentence), I really didn't think about whether they were teaching men different than women. But every one of the coaches I've heard teach that coaching female athletes is different than teaching male athletes. My personal experience, based on observations of what my DD and others have done, how I've coached younger girls and boys, how childhood coaches taught the different genders, backs that up. There are exceptions of course, I've seen coaches behave like jerks around young females and get good results, and being the nice guy without also coaching substance isn't going to work either. But I still haven't seen a speech like the one the coach in the original post work, and I seriously doubt it would motivate very many young girls.

As to your fist point, I'm not really seeing the analogy to be honest. But there are gender specific fitness testing in PE classes, and teachers that I am related to do use different methods to get their message across, sometimes based on gender.

And finally to answer the original post: Just a guess, but I'm wondering if its just the fact that the parents invested time and money, and walking away before the season ends isn't an option in their minds. Next season might be a different story.

As a coach - admittedly, a new one - I use the word "we" a lot when taking about what needs to be improved. I'm on the field with them, and responsible for teaching them the game. If they aren't executing up to expectation, some of that burden is mine.