Why do parents put up with bad coaching?

Amy in AZ. said:

I never spent much time, if any, post game. Anyone else, just let them leave, unless something major happened in the game?

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Really.... In our area,there is this ritual of taking the team out of ear shot of the parents, and saying whatever... I've seen it last way toooo LONG... good or bad, its WRLONG lol Of course we start the 24 hrs. of silence with parent/coach, that I do agree with. Only because I had DD co-sign the agreement, and we hold to it in our ride home ect.... I've always asked first thing next day...What did they say? Never got anymore than just a "they just go on & on & on....." ... that was win or lose.

Back to Pat Summitt for a sec.... I think the problem lies with many coaches seeing the "dressing down as motivation bit" and get caught up in the words. They don't see the much harder, subtler message that Pat did give to all of her players; that she truly cared for them 100% and believed in them. She also understood that she has about one minute to talk - after that the players will zone out. She understood that if she says 5 good things but then says "your rebounds were terrible, though" - the player will walk away thinking that she's terrible all around. And she DID coach the beginner, middling type players in the very beginning of her career - she built TN from the ground up. Truly - her book is worth a read - any of them; but the one I read was called "Sum it up".

It's funny because my son't TB coach gave almost the same speech to the kids a couple of weeks ago. It was the first practice after a tourney. I don't think the kids even listened to it. I really don't like the after tourney speeches. The kids are tired, hungry and want to get out. Our coaches talk a lot and rarely get on the kids, but at that point they aren't very interested. We have a talk at a practice the following week that goes over good and bad things and that is better received. I do find with girls versus boys that girls tend to focus more on what they did wrong. I always joke that my son can go 1 for 10 and my DD will go 9-10. I'll ask the next week who wants to go hit and he'll say, I got a hit last time up and she'll say I do because I popped up once this weekend.

Just a few random thoughts on this thread:

I think you really have to be careful here. There are times when a coach should be a little more direct with players...when the effort or preparation simply is not there. This has NOTHING to do with winning or losing a game. I've been hard on my players more than once after a win just a much as a loss. Now, you obviously don't "dress down" 10u players but in the older age groups when done correctly and with respect, it is the right thing to do. And, IMO these kinds of things should take place far away from any parents.

All that aside, I will say that the yelling and demeaning style of coaching seems to have really taken over as of late. I've seen quite a bit of it where we play. It's definitely a mystery to me how and why parents not only put up with it but seem to be totally on board with this approach, encourage it and want their kids to be a part of it!

And I beg to differ there is a HUGE difference in coaching girls vs boys. I have done both and that famous quote about "feeling good to play good" is absolutely 100% true. Sure, there are exceptions here and there but you can usually bank on it. Girls will totally buy in to the whole team concept if you treat them with respect and encourage them every chance you get. It doesn't mean you give unearned praise, it means you encourage them to get better and realize their potential!

We always make it a point to talk briefly post-game (no more than a minute or so). If they win, we make sure the players know we are proud of them. If they lose, we make sure we point out anything that they did well. Very rarely will we point out any negatives until the next practice. Even then, we try not to point them out as negatives, just something that needs improvement. I prefer to have the team go home thinking about something positive, if at all possible.

I have coached multiple sports and have been involved with some coaches similar to what the OP was talking about. I try my best to avoid that type. I don't see anything productive with that type of attitude.

I'm on a team right now that is loaded with talent. Coach is very positive all of the time, never raises his voice or calls players out, he's a good coach, knows his stuff. Team played well below their talent level all season. My observation is that he wasn't tough enough on the girls. Girls are different than boys, but they are not weak. And I think it is demeaning to them to say that if you say 4 good things and one bad thing then they walk away thinking they suck. After every game DDs and I break it down and go through the good and the bad. There is always good and always bad, but I guarantee you she does not mope around thinking she sucks.

I've said it before and I will say it again, there is a time to call them out, and there is a time to praise them. A coach should have the full range of motivational tactics at their disposal. There is never a time to demean a player but there is a time to put a foot in their behind figuratively and let them know they need to put more into their game. One post-game discussion is not enough data to understand or judge a coach. If this is his only mode of conversation then, yes, he is a jerk. But there is no way of knowing if this is his standard behavior, a one time transgression etc.

It's an insulting cop-out and borderline misogynist commentary for you to reduce young female athletes to being mere products of their feelings. Athletes and competitors of all ages feel better when they win, and it has nothing to do with gender. What motivates one boy or girl may cause a teammate to shut down. The ideal coaching style for every player is as unique as the players themselves.

SoftSocDad said:

It's an insulting cop-out and borderline misogynist commentary for you to reduce young female athletes to being mere products of their feelings. Athletes and competitors of all ages feel better when they win, and it has nothing to do with gender. What motivates one boy or girl may cause a teammate to shut down. The ideal coaching style for every player is as unique as the players themselves.

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is this a response to my post? or something else?

I choose the more motivational tact. I would have said. this:
"Girls, we only scored 1 run in these two games so what do you think we will be working on in practice until the next tournament? We are going to sign up for that next tournament and we will be ready. Let's get in here, huddle then break and go get something to eat. Someone said something about Outback steakhouse........"

I have been on both ends of that beatdown and the talk remains about the same. I pump them up when we win. I pump them up when we lose. I explain that losing teaches us what we don't know or what process we don't have down to a "T". Losing gives us a chance to become better by fixing what is broken or not functioning right. I don't just sugarcoat it and say "We'll get them next time!" I say that we will be better prepared next time because we know what ain't working.

I look at tournament games as exams. It is going to tell me what we know well and what we don't know well at that point in time. We will take what we don't know well and use that as practice plans until the next time. Then we will take another test.

SoftSocDad said:

It's an insulting cop-out and borderline misogynist commentary for you to reduce young female athletes to being mere products of their feelings. Athletes and competitors of all ages feel better when they win, and it has nothing to do with gender. What motivates one boy or girl may cause a teammate to shut down. The ideal coaching style for every player is as unique as the players themselves.

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How long have you been a coach?