Rec league and TB team?

YOCOACH said:

However, there are other questions you should be asking as well. It sounds as if your X is going to fight this tooth and nail since it seems to be all about him. With your DD in the middle, how will this affect her? Since it revolves around softball, will this affect her love for the game or possibly destroy it?

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This does worry me. I'm not sure if the lesser of two evils are backing down from him, showing her how to cave in to him and what he wants over what she wants just to keep the relationship between them ok, or helping her stick to what she wants to do and deal with the aftermath from her father. Either one could affect her love for the game.

Funny side note... I found out today that the DD of the AC on my DD rec team is trying out for this same TB club. Wonder if DXH will give him the same lecture?

Question: did your DXH already commit to be the head coach of the rec team and your DD is also on the same team currently? If so, one of his concerns could be that he might be stuck head coaching a team that his daughter no longer wants to be on and has left for a TB team? I hope this isn't the case, otherwise I completely see where he is coming from on this issue.

SCDad said:

Consider that money is tight and he possibly cannot afford it.

Consider that he may also treasure the father daughter time he is now getting and unwilling to give it up.

Consider that he knows his DD does not really have the athletic ability to excel in softball, and is best for her to just have fun at this stage in her life. Possibly pick up travel next year, or a following year.

Posters have made huge jumps to conclusion about this mans character.

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Yes, there are two sides to every story. I do appreciate the input. First, I have offered to pay the whole fee. And he takes several vacations w/o his daughters evey year (answers money and time question)

Second, another poster mentioned father/daughter time and coaching and he could have time cheering/supporting as well. And I tried to ge him an AC position for just that reason.

Third, I'd think someone unbiased (the TB HC) could judge wether she should or should not play TB probably better than a parent. IMHO. And again, this is a low level begining TB club with minimal practices and tournaments. Just to put her toe in the water so to speak.

Lastly, my intention in the OP was not trying to judge DXH character, just asking opinions and trying to decide if doing both rec and TB was feasible especially if rec coach/DXH isn't going to be supportive.

Do you have experience with this situation either personally or another on the team? I have considered everything you've posted. I'm looking to consider other things now. Thanks for yor reply and speaking for the other side, lol.

Rocketech1 said:

Question: did your DXH already commit to be the head coach of the rec team and your DD is also on the same team currently? If so, one of his concerns could be that he might be stuck head coaching a team that his daughter no longer wants to be on and has left for a TB team? I hope this isn't the case, otherwise I completely see where he is coming from on this issue.

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He took over HC at all-stars this past spring season. Before that he was AC. We are currently in fallball season and he is HC there as well. Every year at signups there is a form for those that want to volunteer/coach, but it is understood that the HC continues in that capacity unless he states otherwise. So long story short, he's not officially committed, but it is understood. But DD still plans to play in the rec league. The committment for this TB team is not so demanding that she would be overdoing it if she played both right now.

sluggers said:

it might help if your X understands that will need to more time with him if she plays TB, not less.

In order for a DD to become "good" at TB, she has to do a lot of individual work on her own. My DD started playing TB at 13YOA. From then until she went to college, My DD and I spent about 1 to 2 hours a day, 5 days a week, 46 weeks of the year, practicing "one on one". On top of that, she and I spent hours driving to tournaments together. It brought me and my DD closer. (DD#3 played travel basketball...same thing.)

He will need to be with her every night hitting her grounders and fly balls, and then practicing hitting. Then, if your DD becomes good enough to play in college, then your X would get to enjoy that experience as well.

So, if your X really wants to get closer to his DD, he would be better off in the long run with her playing TB. It really does give the Daddy and the DD something in common.

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He does do this a few times each week. She has me out there catching her too (reminder to buy shin guards and mask, lol) I'm hopeful in the long run he will see this. He plays on a men's team and brings her out to some tournaments (not all are appropriate) and he is aware of the difference in competitiveness. Here's hoping he'll have a change of heart and see the opportunity for more daddy/daughter bonding

imnobrn said:

Yes, there are two sides to every story. I do appreciate the input. First, I have offered to pay the whole fee. And he takes several vacations w/o his daughters evey year (answers money and time question)

Second, another poster mentioned father/daughter time and coaching and he could have time cheering/supporting as well. And I tried to ge him an AC position for just that reason.

Third, I'd think someone unbiased (the TB HC) could judge wether she should or should not play TB probably better than a parent. IMHO. And again, this is a low level begining TB club with minimal practices and tournaments. Just to put her toe in the water so to speak.

Lastly, my intention in the OP was not trying to judge DXH character, just asking opinions and trying to decide if doing both rec and TB was feasible especially if rec coach/DXH isn't going to be supportive.

Do you have experience with this situation either personally or another on the team? I have considered everything you've posted. I'm looking to consider other things now. Thanks for yor reply and speaking for the other side, lol.

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It sounds as though you have your mind made up. My only point is very, very few really know the inner dynamics of a family, and to make broad generalizations about someone's character is presumptuous. It is not your kid.

Yes, I have plenty of experience. My advice is to always play for one team, almost exclusively. It goes to the character issue I try to abide by, and have my family abide by.

Playing for two teams requires other team members to make sacrifices because you feel entitled, possibly greedy, or the ordinary rules don't apply to you. That is my opinion.

Many do it. I don't agree with it. Spend extra time in your back yard honing your game. Get a hitting coach, go to the cages. But don't say to any team "sorry, I am late for practice, she had another game ... oh and she is tired". It goes to character.

I'll offer up my measly 2 pennies, but it might only be worth 1.

We're a baseball family, but comparisons can still be easily made My DD has played rec and travel (BB) since she was 7. It's always worked out except when a coach lets you know ahead of time, "No rec ball". At that point, we say, "Buh bye". For us, rec is important because it's being a part of your community. You're building relationships with your neighbors, future school and teammates, politicians, etc etc. Travel ball lets you take that drive for competition to a higher level. Last season we were on a team that EXPECTED the kids to play rec and ended the spring season in late May, expecting the kids would be playing All-Stars. This season we're playing for a club that has rec, select, and travel programs. They make it part of their culture that it's ok to do all of them. These are the types of teams you should look for. With that being said, I don't know if this compares as well to softball. In baseball, at least in our league, the top 5 kids on each team is, or has the skill to be, playing travel ball. In softball, the talent gap is HUGE. In the 12u and below groups, I didn't see any girls that could have played on an A level (that's all DD has ever filled in for) travel team, even B level. So it does seem that few girls do both while it seems it's more common in BB. However, I've heard this year (with grumblings from other towns that we play with) that there are several travel ball girls on the 10u team. So who knows. My whole point in that drawn out paragraph was that, yes, it's very possible. The simple understanding has always been: All things equal, travel ball wins. Meaning, both have a practice = travel ball wins. Both have a game = travel ball wins. Rec has a game while travel has a practice = rec wins.

After all of that is said, I think there's another big difference between softball and baseball in our area. Here, rec softball is often played on the weekends. Rec BB is only played on the weeknights (except for All-Stars). Travel games for both are always on the weekends. If that's the case for your SB rec program, then nope... it won't work. Also, if the talent gap is huge vs travel to rec, like here, then she may tire of rec. For my DD, she played 100% so she could have fun with her friends. Her best friend played and wanted her to play with her. End of story for us. It wasn't about competition, it was about letting our DD just have fun with friends.

In the end, it really comes down to 2 issues for you. FIRST: What does your DD want to do? That really should be the only question. Neither parent should pressure ANY decision. Ask her. Her answer wins. Sadly, that probably won't happen. Each season I ask my DD what she wants to do. Does she just want to stop playing rec and go travel only? Rec only? What about different sports? I always try to see what she wants to do. Her answer is what we do. SECOND: Your DXH. Personally, I FAR more enjoy spending 1 on 1 time with my DD and then watching her play. When I coached her in basketball and baseball, I got almost no 1 on 1 time with her. There were 10 other kids I had to concentrate on. Your husband won't get this until he gets to sit back and relax, and just watch his baby girl play and have fun. From the one side I've heard, I have to agree... he sounds selfish, like this is about him. Now, he may have some valid concerns. Personally, I'd invite him to jump on here and give us his thoughts.

So, let's sum up my thoughts: A.) It can work. B.) It most likely won't work. C.) What your DD wants to do should be all that matters. You and your DXH need to sit down and talk about this, RATIONALLY, without the DD around. Both of you talk about the pros and cons. Then, ask your DD what she wants to do. Personally, I'd have her tryout with the understanding that there's no commitment. If your DD has never been around that talent level, she may fall in love with it or may be scared of it. It sounds like you guys have never been to a travel game or tryout. That might be a good place to start.

@SCDad-"Playing for two teams requires other team members to make sacrifices because you feel entitled, possibly greedy, or the ordinary rules don't apply to you. That is my opinion"

That is certainly an opinion I hadn't thought of. Thank you. Something to consider especially if there will be conflicts.


@justanotherguy-"rec is important because it's being a part of your community. You're building relationships with your neighbors, future school and teammates, politicians, etc etc. Travel ball lets you take that drive for competition to a higher level." My thought exactly! There is supposed to be no conflict with games between the 2 teams, rec is weekday, TB is weekends and plan for only 6 tournaments from May to Aug. It really is a low level team to start out with to see if DD fits the team/ level of play. "she may fall in love with it or may be scared of it" I think a little of both.

I believe we will go to the assessment and see how it goes. I will also get a more detailed plan for the level of committment so ensure there will be little to no conflict between the 2 teams. There will be more conversations with DXH if he is willing. He is good friends with his AC. If his DD ends up on the team I am certain there will be conversations between the two of them about the team. Maybe that will give him a different perspective. "A.) It can work. B.) It most likely won't work. C.) What your DD wants to do should be all that matters." I'll take A+C

DD has played both rec and travel for the last 5 years. She just loves to play and has always been fortunate to have top quality coaching for both who have cooperated to allow minimum conflicts.

Now that shes getting older, rec is becoming more of a social game where she has a chance to take on roles and responsibilities that wouldnt be necessary from her on her travel ball team. She is also finding it slightly less challenging and less enjoyable because the more competitive TB becomes, the more her particular rec team seems sloppy. She still loves to play both and we'll let her play both as long as she wants to. Fortunately the coaching staff all know each other and work together for the betterment of the sport of softball. We fortunately dont have to deal with 'one or the other' mentality.

I think some of this depends on your town rec situation. My DD started rec softball when she was 8, went to BB in town which was more competitive, then went back to SB. When she wanted to play more, we sought out a TB team. The problem was that there were ALWAYS conflicts. Conflicting practices, conflicting games especially if something was rescheduled due to weather. After first year, the TB coach expected a commitment to TB- the rec coaches were less caring about commitment, but I felt it was not fair to other girls to sail in for a game, get most of the playing time, leave and not practice with the team, so ultimately, she exclusively played TB. This was a better choice for her developmentally in terms of her softball skills.

I do not think it is feasible to do both unless one of the coaches is willing to accommodate the schedule of the other team. It seems her dad is not. Perhaps the TB coach would be willing to accommodate her rec schedule for this year, with the plus side that she will get more playing time in general, but I would expect that if she has to miss practices or games for rec, her playing time in TB would diminish accordingly.

I dont mean this in a bad way, but you painted a picture in the post of "having your cake and eating it too"- my experience is that this does not work well, in that in most instances- given that it is impossible to be in two places at once, you can't give 100% time to both teams. Therefore, a choice will need to be made a some point with regard to prioritization. In your situation, her rec coach (and her Dad) has already made clear what he expects her priority to be.