Going to war

I appreciate the input from all. I really don't think it's drugs, but I wonder about the depression. She has a distant relationship with her mother mostly because she disapproves of the choices her mother has made since we divorced. I try to encourage her to be more involved with her mother, but whenever we have a discussion on that issue it ends with her in tears saying that all her mother wants is a babysitter for her other kids. It breaks my heart. She has a good relationship with her step mother, but it just can't be the same. I wonder if this plays into this at all or if it's just a girl in love who doesn't want to do anything other than focus her attention on him. It's hard to know when they don't really talk to you.

I'm not sure when it ends, as my oldest daughter is only 19. But seriously, like others have said, you need to decide if you want to be her friend or her parent. And I'm assuming its the latter since you posted here. I was the parent that cracked the whip and got her butt through High School and into college. And yes, I'll take a lot of the credit. Her mom was her "friend". Kids have enough friends. Just always focus on being their parent. Remember; kids are idiots. There is no exception to that rule.

lstorie1971 said:

I appreciate the input from all. I really don't think it's drugs, but I wonder about the depression. She has a distant relationship with her mother mostly because she disapproves of the choices her mother has made since we divorced. I try to encourage her to be more involved with her mother, but whenever we have a discussion on that issue it ends with her in tears saying that all her mother wants is a babysitter for her other kids. It breaks my heart. She has a good relationship with her step mother, but it just can't be the same. I wonder if this plays into this at all or if it's just a girl in love who doesn't want to do anything other than focus her attention on him. It's hard to know when they don't really talk to you.

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This could be so many things but don't rule out anything before you know what is going on. This could very well be drugs/depression who knows, but the bottom line is that she is taking some actions that are detrimental to her long term well being. So find a good psychologist/psychiatrist and get her an appointment. Go get a home drug test kit, monitor her phone and internet usage (this can be done with some software programs without her knowing). But start troubleshooting it and let her know that the problem will be solved one way or another.

Kids know when you are being tough because you love them vs just being and overbearing parent. If you are genuine in coming from a place of love then in the long run she will love and respect you for it even if she hates you in the short run.

I just read this article about cell phone addiction. How to cut your kids' cell phone addiction - CNN.com

Reconnect with her, just dd and daddy, take a weekend and go somewhere. Being a kid is hard and sometimes we as parents forget how hard it is. Maybe she just needs someone to listen and I mean listen. Yes, be her parent is what everyone else is saying. But what good is that if your dd feels like what she has going on in her life is to hard to tell a parent, so find how to balance that.

nanotech14 said:

Reconnect with her, just dd and daddy, take a weekend and go somewhere. Being a kid is hard and sometimes we as parents forget how hard it is. Maybe she just needs someone to listen and I mean listen. Yes, be her parent is what everyone else is saying. But what good is that if your dd feels like what she has going on in her life is to hard to tell a parent, so find how to balance that.

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really good advice...if there is any way to get her to open up...that would be step 1. I kinda thought that had been exhausted, but if it hasn't then go there first.

My $0.02.....

JAD said:

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My $0.02.....

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just don't let the wife do it....they have horrible spank mechanics....my wife has no whip action at all...it's just a push...more of a tushy massage than a spank....I get a running start and send them into the next zip code.

There is quite a bit in play here. I wish you luck. My advice, is to seek out
help thru family counseling or your church before seeking advice from the DFP forum.

They could help me in finding the right mix for the red solo cup or opinions on hitting mechanics etc,
but for counsel on family dynamics? NEVER

what if he is a scientologist? does that change things?