Going to war

MsDinosaur · Sep 23, 2013

Mine's only 13, but there's a lot more texting, web surfing and TV watching going on than I would prefer. My DD's school gives parents the ability to sign up for regular academic update emails. I now get status reports every week. So far everything's fine, but I'm hoping this will let me nip things in the bud right away if there's a turn for the worse.

Do your schools have something like this? Obviously you already know there is an issue you have to address now, but it sounds as though it would be helpful to keep close track of her grades from here on out. Good luck!

Amy in AZ. · Sep 23, 2013

I am amazed sometimes at the number of parents that are afraid to parent, not referring to lstorie, at all. I am thinking of the 100s of kids that tore the heck out of that guy's house and only 3 have come forward to accept any responsibility. AND - many of the parents are threatening to sue the home owner, who wasn't even there. The kids broke in and were drinking and destroyed his property.

AndyS · Sep 23, 2013

lstorie1971 said:
This isn't really about being a softball parent so much as it's about being a 15 y/o's parent.

She is a really good girl. She has a strong moral compass, she doesn't get in trouble, she's a good kid. However, within the last year we have been having trouble getting her motivated to do anything other than watch TV and text her boyfriend. Her softball has slipped, which I only consider to be a relatively minor problem, but now I see her progress report and she's getting C's and D's, and that is simply not acceptable. She's not stupid; she just isn't working and really doesn't seem too concerned about it.

I have started to give her more freedom to make her own choices, and obviously she's not doing a good job. It is obvious I am going to have to take a step back and make sure the homework gets done, I check it, and make sure that she studies for upcoming tests. I am concerned about her activity level, so I'm probably also going to mandate that get out of her room, get off the phone, and DO SOMETHING.

Like lots of teenage girls, she's moody and I really don't want to have to go to battle, but it's one that I think I need to fight before she ruins her GPA. The question is, has anyone else gone through this, what did you do, and when did it get better?

We have been through this in our family and it turned out to be depression. It made it very hard for my DD to be motivated and a straight A student suddenly was having trouble in the classroom. She had a very hard time coming to us initially. I realize this may have nothing to do with your situation but I thought I would throw it out there because it took both my wife and I a while to understand and accept the fact she was not just "being a teenager". We did all the punishment things described here and it simply did not work. Fortunately with the right treatment she is back to the same ol' kid.

CoogansBluff · Sep 23, 2013

AndyS said:
We have been through this in our family and it turned out to be depression. It made it very hard for my DD to be motivated and a straight A student suddenly was having trouble in the classroom. She had a very hard time coming to us initially. I realize this may have nothing to do with your situation but I thought I would throw it out there because it took both my wife and I a while to understand and accept the fact she was not just "being a teenager". We did all the punishment things described here and it simply did not work. Fortunately with the right treatment she is back to the same ol' kid.

Good post.

What everyone has suggested as intervention is fine, but it's treating the symptoms. The symptoms need to be treated, but why has her behavior/mood changed? I would recommend against being argumentive/emotional about the behavior. Set limits. But if you want someone to change, you have to figure out the root cause, IMO.

Jr10234 · Sep 23, 2013

My niece went down this path, she lost cell phone privileges and was grounded most of her sophomore year. she started sneaking out and smoking weed. She'll be lucky to graduate this year, and it won't be anything above 2.0, if that. My sis in law has given up on her, they're counting the days to boot her out. She's had multiple partners already, and is now barely 17.

Come down hard now, or its going to get worse.

If the friends she has are no good, keep them close. The ones I don't trust are allowed around my DD only when I'm home and we live too far in the middle of nowhere for any sneaking out.

JJsqueeze · Sep 23, 2013

This is going to sound sooooo bad.. but here goes.

not that the OP has these issues but they are common and are my greatest parenting fears:

I fully expect that my daughter will try alcohol/weed/sex etc. before I think it is appropriate. I know I did and all of my friends did. When this day comes I want her knowing that if you are going to go off the path that we approve of then you damn sure better do it in a way that does not derail your life.
So if you try weed, be smart and keep your grades up. If you get a boyfriend and have sex, be smart and don't get a disease or get pregnant. If you try alcohol, don't drive or get in a car with someone who is drunk and don't drink to the point of not having your wits about you. Hell, I don't even remember my sophomore year of college but somehow I made it through with a 3.5 GPA, no kids, no DUIs and no need for penicillin.

WARRIORMIKE · Sep 23, 2013

LOL

I got my butt whipped by my 4ft 9" mama anytime I was outta line with grades or anything. Belt seemed to always keep me in line!!

She raised 3 boys, solo.

JJsqueeze · Sep 23, 2013

never underestimate the power of an A$$ whopping..

Amy in AZ. · Sep 23, 2013

I was the parent that was always calling other parents to make certain that the plans were what I had been told. Generally, I ran into parents that simply didn't care and couldn't imagine why I would check. Come to find out, they were partying with the high schoolers. So, then, I just started dropping in.

I was so amazed when a teen would show up to spend the night and I never heard from the kid's parents. Geez.

WARRIORMIKE · Sep 23, 2013

JJsqueeze said:
never underestimate the power of an A$$ whopping..

Yep Exactly. LOL

Going to war

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