Committment & conflicting interests?

New here, informative forum. Here's my situation and question:

We have a 13yo (14 in Sept) DD who has until now played little league (which only adds up to 14 games a year in our league) and middle school ball last year (entering 8th grade in Sept.). My wife and I have had an ongoing disagreement about the value/role of softball and sports in general and because of this have not put our DD in travel ball.

Basically, wife thinks academics are king and believes especially in math and science that the curriculum and standards in our state (Washington) are so poor and so far behind the leading states and countries (especially China & India) that unless we give our kid extra math in addition to what she gets in school, she has no chance to make a smooth transition from high school to college math and even less of a chance at competing for a job in an advanced professional field. Our girl gets 90 minutes of extra math every day during the summer and at least 2 extra math sessions a week during the school year (using the same curriculum as the state of California, which has one of the highest ratings for standards/ curricula). My wife has told me that she considers anything more than little league and school ball a waste of time and money and wants no part of it for our daughter (who is our only child).

On the other hand, I believe one can have balance and can pursue all of her interests if she's willing to work at managing her time and just putting forth the effort. You look at the resumes of so many of the college players and they're almost all high level honor students with other active interests and involvements. So I ask my wife "why can't she do it all?". Also, the little league in our town has little support for softball, and may not even have a Juniors (14U) level team for her next spring. So this fall's middle school season (yes, middle schools do softball in Sept-Oct here) could possibly be her last before high school.

And on the other other hand, I see kids beginning to specialize and play at an incredibly high level at such a young age, and am being told if I don't get my kid into select ball now, she won't have a chance at making the high school team. The way it's being described to me, it seems like if we're not willing to make that huge commitment to a travel team now, our girl might as well quit softball because she's going to be too far behind the other kids by the time she gets to 9th grade. I work her out all the time (have been her coach for the last 3 years) and her individual skills are pretty good. But people are telling me that's not going to be enough, she needs to get on a good team, a team that practices year round and gets 50 or more games in the spring-summer.

DD says she doesn't intend to play softball in college, but isn't even sure about high school yet. She's played since 2nd grade and enjoys the sport but for her it isn't like some kids who seem to just love it above all else. It's one of many things she enjoys doing. I'm not convinced she's willing to put in the effort required to succeed at either travel ball or high school. But I'd like her to have the experience of working under a good coach and playing at a higher competitive level. And if she does choose to play in high school, I'd like her to be competitive when she shows up for 9th grade tryouts so the decision isn't made for her when she doesn't make the team.

So I guess this isn't really a question, since a travel team isn't likely going to happen because of DD's mom's opposition to it. But I'd appreciate your thoughts and input on the question of the value of softball and youth sports in general, the degree of seriousness kids have to apply to a sport at increasingly younger ages vs. a kid getting a good education and being competitive in college and the workplace, and how you all prioritize things and manage these priorities.

Thanks!

Jeff (Coachinagin)

A well rounded individual is what you want to raise. As you point out, time management skills, people skills, competitive instincts and the like are all things sports can help develop. Humans have a spiritual side, a mental capacity, physical/athletic abilities and we are social creatures. All these aspects of the person should be developed. Help a child follow their interests and abilities where they are strong but every child should be developed to some extent in all these areas. If your DD is an athletic child, those are gifts she should be allowed to explore and maximize.

I tend to agree that to compete at any level, you want to be the best that you can be. Travel ball is a completely different game than what is going on in rec league. The pitching and hitting, starting at 10 yo old is remarkable.

If your DD is going to be competing with TB players for a spot on the HS team, she will be behind. Many of these girls will have had private pitching and hitting coaches. And if a girl can hit, any team will take her.

Your DD is at the age, where you and your wife can explain all of this to her. She may be able to make an informed decision for herself.

I am betting that your DD knows your feelings and she also knows her mom's feelings and she is trying to please both of you.

Keep in mind, the expense of travel ball. Year around it is costing a lot of families nearly $10,000. Your wife may object to that. My husband would have.

In the end, it is up to your DD. She needs both parents support.

Even if your kid is doinig 1:30 of math every day in the summer, that's still a lot of free time left over. If she wants to do something athletic that she enjoys for another 1-3 hours a day why not let her? Your only cutting into the time she has to sit around being passively entertained by books, tv, or a computer. Yes I throw reading under the bus as well as tv, reading is great but if your daughter re-reads the Harry Potter series a few times every summer there is a diminishing return on what you get out of that versus doing something active with other human beings.

Costwise. Yes you could spend $10,000 a year on softball, but starting where you are that's pretty unreasonable and the clubs that would be spending that are probably out of your daughter's skill range right now. In our area travel ball for the summer starts as low as $400 including uniform that includes about 40 games from May-August 1st. For about 50% the kids that play that's all they do. Some teams will attend a national tournament at the end of the season and that one week and 5 games may cost you $2000 depending on the location. We also do fall softball here which will run about $150 and include another 14-16 games on weekends only. For the 10% of the kids that work year round there is Dome softball (MN can't play outside year round) and indoor training that can run you I would estimate $400-$2000 depending on how active you want to be.

My guess is that if you are willing to let her play summer ball on an entry level team and also commit to 1 or 2 weeks of off season training clinics and once a week off season hitting instruction(small group instruction helps keep costs down) for about $1000 in fees per year (not including travel expenses) you can give your kid all the instruction they need to be competitive enough to play for their High School team because at that point you will be out working 50% of the other kids that will play high school ball. Not enough to make her a pitcher or catcher, but to be a position player and hitter yes.

The other part of the equation is how passionate your child is about excelling at this activity. Playing 40 games a year does nothing unless she is willing to work on the off days on her game. 20 minutes of throwing outside of practice 3 times a week will make her improve at twice the rate of her teammates, same for extra batting practice. Same with offseason clinics and instruction, don't do it if she's not willing to do other work on her own. Seeing a hitting instructor once a week for an hour does nothing unless she's working on hitting 2-3 times a week in between lessons. Athletics is just like learning a musical instrument. The instruction time is maximized by practice in between lessons.

well on my team (2nd year 12U) out of 14 players, I have 12 that are on the Honor Roll at 2 different Middle Schools. Out of those 12, 10 are 4.0 students, and the other 2 are 3.8 students.

Yes both academics and Travel Ball can be done!!!

CoachKevin said:

well on my team (2nd year 12U) out of 14 players, I have 12 that are on the Honor Roll at 2 different Middle Schools. Out of those 12, 10 are 4.0 students, and the other 2 are 3.8 students.

Yes both academics and Travel Ball can be done!!!

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Pretty much the same for our 1st year 14U team. A VAST majority are honor roll students with a good mix of 4.0 students.

I had the same expierience as above. A significant majority were honor roll, NHS, 4.0, etc, etc. After reaching the 18u level, all were signed by colleges. The only caveat I offer is beware of grade inflation. Many times I had kids who were honor roll, NHS, whatever, but their SAT scores were not in line with what their HS transcripts suggested. As I said, All got signed, however,only three did not require some form of remediation when they got to college. I don't feel this had anything to do with SB but with sub-optimal public school education.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! We are trying so hard to find the right balance for our girl, but ultimately, it's her life and her choices that will determine her path. We parents can provide a structure, values and boundaries, but our kids are their own people and it's their interests and abilities, dreams and desires that will shape their futures.

I will add - calgofo, your comments are exactly why my beloved spouse is so adamant about education being the highest priority. And not the public school education, because as you pointed out, statistics prove that K-12 public education is not adequately preparing our students for college level work. That's why the emphasis on supplementing the math curriculum in our family. There's a study that shows 60% of high school grads have to take remedial math when they get to college, and 60% of that group don't graduate from college with their classes. My wife likes to remind me that our kids are going to be competing for jobs with kids from India and China who DON'T DO SPORTS AT ALL - their entire focus is education and the only extra-curricular activity they're allowed to do is music (classical, not pop), because of the proven connection between advanced musical studies and brain activity. Well, our DD also plays the oboe, is 4.0 GPA in middle school challenge, started algebra in 7th grade, has been reading college level since about 4th grade.

What does this have to do with softball? Nothing, I suppose, except for the fact that there are only so many hours in a day, and what you do with those hours is pretty much the sum of your ability to realize your potential in life. As much as I love the game of softball, I have to admit I'm having doubts about the level of commitment required to play competitively even at this 14U level. We need more scientists and creative innovators in this country, not more communications, phys ed and marketing majors.

So even though I think my wife is right, I still believe in my heart that a kid can do a sport and compete academically. We're going to go watch some select teams play when the NSA Western Worlds gets underway at various venues here in our local county later this month. I'm hoping it gets DD excited enough to hit the practice field hard and go to some tryouts next month. She has the raw ability and with work should be able to compete for several more years. If she's willing to do the work and can balance the other (higher) priorities.

Thanks again, I appreciate the input!

Coachinagin said:

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! We are trying so hard to find the right balance for our girl, but ultimately, it's her life and her choices that will determine her path. We parents can provide a structure, values and boundaries, but our kids are their own people and it's their interests and abilities, dreams and desires that will shape their futures.

I will add - calgofo, your comments are exactly why my beloved spouse is so adamant about education being the highest priority. And not the public school education, because as you pointed out, statistics prove that K-12 public education is not adequately preparing our students for college level work. That's why the emphasis on supplementing the math curriculum in our family. There's a study that shows 60% of high school grads have to take remedial math when they get to college, and 60% of that group don't graduate from college with their classes. My wife likes to remind me that our kids are going to be competing for jobs with kids from India and China who DON'T DO SPORTS AT ALL - their entire focus is education and the only extra-curricular activity they're allowed to do is music (classical, not pop), because of the proven connection between advanced musical studies and brain activity. Well, our DD also plays the oboe, is 4.0 GPA in middle school challenge, started algebra in 7th grade, has been reading college level since about 4th grade.

What does this have to do with softball? Nothing, I suppose, except for the fact that there are only so many hours in a day, and what you do with those hours is pretty much the sum of your ability to realize your potential in life. As much as I love the game of softball, I have to admit I'm having doubts about the level of commitment required to play competitively even at this 14U level. We need more scientists and creative innovators in this country, not more communications, phys ed and marketing majors.

So even though I think my wife is right, I still believe in my heart that a kid can do a sport and compete academically. We're going to go watch some select teams play when the NSA Western Worlds gets underway at various venues here in our local county later this month. I'm hoping it gets DD excited enough to hit the practice field hard and go to some tryouts next month. She has the raw ability and with work should be able to compete for several more years. If she's willing to do the work and can balance the other (higher) priorities.

Thanks again, I appreciate the input!

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As I said in the above post, the deficencies of the players didn't have anything to do with softball and everything to do with sub-optimal education. Based on what your saying, it appears that your dd is quite gifted intellectually, so I wouldn't think she would have much difficulty balancing travel ball and academics, provided she has the gifts neccesary to compete in SB.


In regards to CHina, have you seen any olympics lately. The Chinese have a number of gifted atheletes in many sports.


I don't think "scientists and creative innovators" and SB are mutually exclusive.

" not more communications, phys ed and marketing majors. "

Actually, we do need more phys ed majors and PE classes. Have you seen the over weight teens in our schools?

Hopefully, your DD is going to want to go to college. My gifted athlete and A/B student chose not too. We had her try a semester and she really didn't want to. She did go to cosmetology school and loves "hair color." She is actually waiting tables and loves that, too. ??

The rest of us (family of 5) have degrees from Drake and U of Chicago, etc., but she showed no interest in college, even though we offered to send her anywhere. She could have even played lower D1 ball. But, it is her life. She is the youngest.

Good luck, and don't stop playing until it isn't any fun. Amy (B.S. Physical Education, MS Communication)