Committment & conflicting interests?

Oh, Kat. I agree. My son had enormous amounts of homework.

I like to see the students do the work at school, then you know who is doing the work. I know of parents that are paying "tutors" to actually go the homework.

Then, I see the other side, where the kid has no chance of getting any work done in the environment that he or she lives in.

As a teacher, I often knew when a kid was cheating, but you better be able to prove it.

I think a couple of hours of homework a night is plenty.

I agree, I think if the teachers came up with a plan to only give homework on certain nights so their load can be spread out and not missing so much sleep because they are to worried about their grades. Its not good for them to miss so much sleep and not good for me either as I often stay up to keep her company while she is doing her homework and to remind her to go to bed when she falls asleep with her nose in her books....of course it may be 2:00 am when I wake up to find her that way....

My youngest daughter has played travel ball since she was eight. She also played high school ball for three years, although she elected not to play her senior year for a variety of reasons (not the least of which was the coach). It's been a big part of her life.

At the same time, she also took AP classes throughout her high school career -- including math classes. She will start at Indiana University in the fall, where she is eligible to start with calculus (and may get AP credit for it).

At its best, softball teaches discipline, overcoming obstacles and disappointment, competitive spirit, teamwork and a whole lot of other valuable life skills you won't find in a math book. Doing it along with school teaches time management -- something that will come in handy in college to be sure.

You probably don't want to get involved with a team that's playing 100 games a season. As Snocatzdad says, though, a team that plays 40 games at a reasonable competitive level might be good for her.

One other thing to keep in mind. Just as you can't make your daughter into a D1 pitching prospect if she doesn't have the DNA for it, you can't make her into a math whiz either if she doesn't have the inclination, no matter how much she studies and how much other stuff she gives up in life. She may also find math is not for her down the road, and she'll have lost out on a lot of opportunities in the meantime. Just my opinion.

Very true. Nice post Ken.

Softball and academics are a good combination. Girls want to please their coaches so they strive harder to achieve. I believe it carries over to the classroom and wanting to please the teacher. That's why there's so many athletes with good grades. Contrary to myth athletes are usually brighter than most. On top of that, playing sports keeps their minds focused on a positive. Kids will always do something with their time. If you don't focus their spare time into a positive they might focus their spare time into a negative.

Many thanks for your insights, folks. Lots of smart people hanging out here and I've learned from your wisdom and have shared with DD's mom. She still has a fairly negative opinion about youth sports in general, but I understand where she's coming from - just wants the best for our kid and that includes getting her ready to pursue all the possible options when she gets to college.

Ken, great comments (and I found your blog on the other site, brilliant stuff). I maintain that a girl can have a full and balanced life and do everything she wants to do if she's willing to put forth the effort and manage her time. We're going to do our best to help her with that, but ultimately it's up to her. We'll see if our dear daughter is motivated to stay on top of everything. One thing for sure, she'll be so busy she won't have time to laze around or get in trouble!

We have the NSA Western Worlds taking place here in Snohomish County this week and will be checking out several teams she might try out for. Great opportunity to check out the coaching style, team chemistry, etc. Luckily, the 14U games are being played at the local little league facility which is just up the road from us. Looking forward to seeing some great softball over the next few days.

I think you are thinking to darn hard about everything.

You only live once. You are only a given age for a short period of time. Life is made up of experiences, not "math", not competing with the chinese, not even having a nice boring technical job.

While I applaud your thinking ahead for your daughter, I will say this. You should measure sucess by how much you truly enjoy your life, and the experiences you treasure, not what car is in the driveway, not what your job title is, and not what your 401K balance is. If you can be fortunate enough to work doing something you love, you will be successfull. 90% of happiness is determined also by who you marry. These things are far more important in the grand scheme of things than getting top grades.

Very frequently in the corporate world, the more successful leadership had low grades, the smarter folks get stuck in thier technical jobs that they strive to excel at.

It always reminds me of the Dilbert cartoon where an eggheaded guy asks Dilbert to join MENSA. Dilbert asks isnt that the organization for geniuses? When the guy says yes, Dilbert says" Well, if we are so smart, why are we working here?"

It is said that one measure of sucess in life is what people might say about you after you are gone. how they remember you. Since I entered the workforce in a technical field 20 odd yrs ago, I have seen numerous coworkers die, or retire and later die, etc. In MOST cases, they were people who were so warped, so concerned with $$ even though they had enough, that they wouldnt consider retiring voluntarily before 65 to avoid payiing for healthh insurance, etc. They didnt place a value on how short their remaining time might be, for many it turned out to be very very short. My own parents included. Most never travelled anywhere, never did anything interesting, just a boring, mundane life working a job that they only did for the money, not because they even liked it. What was even more pathetic were the ones who made their job identity into their personal identity.


But I digress. Play the travel ball. Spend the money. You only live once. Enjoy your daughters teenage years. You will make friends, she will make lasting friendships, everyone will be glad.

If I had known what it would end up costing me, I never would have gotten into it. I was worried it would cost $2000 a year. Ha. Closer to $10,000. But now I wouldnt have it any other way. And no, I cant really afford it, but so what, I have this feeling it will all be worth it, it just feels right.

And when someone asks me what Im doing this weekend and I tell them my daughter is playing softball somewhere halfway across the country, well, I CAN sense a bit of envy in them, since they are going to mow the lawn, paint the porch, weed the flower beds, etc.

My daughter was never really motivated towards schoolwork. Not behind, or ahead academically, just got it done. When she started comp ball, she developed her work ethic. She saw what was required to get better at hitting, fielding, and her chosen craft catching. This has carried over into other aspects of her life, most importantly, schoolwork. She's now more focused than I've ever seen her. She is organized, and driven. She's playing much more softball than ever, and her schooling is harder than ever. Her grades have improved drastically. She is learning skills and life lessons in softball that she will never read in a math book, but that carry over into other aspects of her life.

I think children need to be stimulated intellectually, and physically. There has to be a balance.

A well rounded individual is what you want to raise. As you point out, time management skills, people skills, competitive instincts and the like are all things sports can help develop. Humans have a spiritual side, a mental capacity, physical/athletic abilities and we are social creatures. All these aspects of the person should be developed. Help a child follow their interests and abilities where they are strong but every child should be developed to some extent in all these areas. If your DD is an athletic child, those are gifts she should be allowed to explore and maximize.

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I couldn't agree more! Read this and re-read it.

A couple things I would add:

Colleges are no longer accepting student based on grades, they're looking for kids who are more well-rounded.

I kind of hope my DD doesn't choose to play ball in College because college is hard enough without having a sport take priority. If she wants to, I'll support it but I'm not pushing in that direction.

I had a mother of one of the kids I coached tell me how it is critical for girls to play team sports. She sees in the workplace how much better prepared men are because they grew up playing team sports. Most of the women did not and they have a lot more difficulty making things happen.

I'm an Architect and I work with all sorts of people who were/are good at math and science. The ones who are most successful are the ones who know how to creatively apply what they have learned and work as a team to get things done. Many Engineers who are in their 50's and 60's are driven like dogs because their employers know they can get away with it. It is an economy-driven perversion of the puritan work ethic that has become an accepted practice. Do you want your DD to look forward to putting in 60 hour weeks while getting paid for 40 for her entire career??

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. The brain is like a muscle and learning exercises it. Don't overdo it in any one area. At the same time let your DD compete at the level she wants to. Help her to discover her interests and develop a path to success. One of the best players on my DDs senior League team (we don't have a Jr league) quit the HS team in her junior year because she didn't enjoy it as much and had other interests (like music) that she enjoyed more.

I guess what I'm trying to say is take a breath, step back and look at the big picture. By that I don't mean your DD competing in the world economy, but help her develop tools to enable her to go wherever she wants when she leaves the nest.

You want her to be happy.