Navigating the change from Coach to Parent

Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Jul 17, 2012
1,091
38
Just curious if anyone else experienced anything similar. I have always been a pretty strong presence in my DD's pitching career......whether it be a result of information on here, or regurgitating what her PC was working on...... and tough love was always the prescription for her. She always looked to me as that voice that would guide her through the worst, and she was able to accept the constructive criticism. Just recently, (she's 14 and a freshman) my constructive criticism no longer motivates her, but rather deflates her. It was always the opposite.... she WANTED to know what I thought.... good, bad, or great feedback. Now all of a sudden, my corrective responses to her desire for feedback takes the wind out of her sails. I feel like she looks to me more now for support than for instruction. Is there a way to do both at this age? Is this a normal transition?
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
Each kid is different.

I sit way down the line, she knows wear I am at.

Normally just give her a high 5 if she makes it out there, sometimes she asks for my option but I do not offer it unless she asks.

Games are all her.
 
Feb 3, 2010
5,752
113
Pac NW
I think every parent/child relationship is different. I'm pretty sure I ruined things with my older daughter by coaching her. I've mostly taken a hands-off approach to pitching with my younger one, other than being bucket dad and throwing her BP. But now at age 13, she's been asking for pitching advice and is thinking about working with me. One thing that's kinda nice about this is that she could come with me on pitching days and help with others (I really enjoy it when she helps out--especially demoing for video lessons.)
 
Last edited:
Sep 10, 2013
603
0
it's called growing up.
my DD is a sophomore and this started about last year. she would tell me, "I got this, dad". at first, i felt displeased, but then realized that i had to let the leash go a little further now. coach dad can't be in there forever. let her learn from her mistakes and let her fix it herself.

she would argue after i would comment on something she did or did not do and it's hard to prove so i still take a ton of video and show her where she can improve. video is indisputable and here she still listens. she doesn't like it when i take video, but this is where i put my foot down. i will record and she will watch and learn.
oh, btw, my dd listens to coach mom more than coach dad. :)
 
Oct 1, 2014
2,219
113
USA
Just curious if anyone else experienced anything similar. I have always been a pretty strong presence in my DD's pitching career......whether it be a result of information on here, or regurgitating what her PC was working on...... and tough love was always the prescription for her. She always looked to me as that voice that would guide her through the worst, and she was able to accept the constructive criticism. Just recently, (she's 14 and a freshman) my constructive criticism no longer motivates her, but rather deflates her. It was always the opposite.... she WANTED to know what I thought.... good, bad, or great feedback. Now all of a sudden, my corrective responses to her desire for feedback takes the wind out of her sails. I feel like she looks to me more now for support than for instruction. Is there a way to do both at this age? Is this a normal transition?

Today is my DD's BDay, they turn 14 and are Freshmen in HS just like your DD. I read your post to my DW last night and said "sound familiar?"....they both still ask me for help but I can sense the change you refer to. The tough love & constructive criticism you describe is still there but I'm trying to be a bit more cautious about the timing. Their softball IQ has far surpassed mine and my role is changing. I'm very proud of their progress and happy with the strong young women they are becoming but I have to admit it's bittersweet watching them grow up so fast!
 
Mar 31, 2011
120
18
Central Florida
Just curious if anyone else experienced anything similar. I have always been a pretty strong presence in my DD's pitching career......whether it be a result of information on here, or regurgitating what her PC was working on...... and tough love was always the prescription for her. She always looked to me as that voice that would guide her through the worst, and she was able to accept the constructive criticism. Just recently, (she's 14 and a freshman) my constructive criticism no longer motivates her, but rather deflates her. It was always the opposite.... she WANTED to know what I thought.... good, bad, or great feedback. Now all of a sudden, my corrective responses to her desire for feedback takes the wind out of her sails. I feel like she looks to me more now for support than for instruction. Is there a way to do both at this age? Is this a normal transition?
I just went through this with my own DD. I can only truly speak for myself and my DD. I think for my daughter it was a matter of not wanting to constantly hear negative things about her performance. This was extremely difficult for me because as parents we know what they're capable of. I backed off after thinking about it. Would I want to always hear that my performance was good but it could have been better if I only did this or that? I also figured that she knows what she did wrong or right. So I started easing back in to constructive criticism only when asked and I did so using the "Poop sandwich" method (one good thing, one bad thing, and end on good thing). I took a step back and just really enjoyed watching her do her thing. Now that I have come to respect her independence phase and treat her as a semi grown up (young adult?) everything is good. Just part of her growing up I suppose.
 
May 30, 2013
1,442
83
Binghamton, NY
you have to figure, at some point our DD's are going to understand more about pitching than us, right?
(after all, they are the ones that are going to perform 10,000+ reps, and we just sit and obsess over slo-mo model pitcher vids.... lol)

to put a positive spin on it, I think it's a sign of her feeling confident enough to start "owning" her pitching.
if they play college ball, they have to learn this at some point anyway.

So to transition, maybe start offering less "instruction" and/or "correction" and just provide honest feedback? - both positive and negative.
but mostly positive. ;-P
 
Last edited:
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
I went through the exact same transition with my daughter. As a freshman she was trying to establish her own identity on the high school team and also switched travel ball teams (a more aggressive organization). I moved from a coach/manager/instructor to a spectator. I will be honest in saying it was a very difficult transition for me, personally. But it was best for DD and I believe the right thing at the time. It took me a while to recognize that, but it is true. Now entering her junior year, I am back in the picture again. She constantly asks me questions about hitting and I even hear her encourage the junior high team (she is a volunteer coach for them) with the same phrases and cues that I have used with her. I have been recruited to be an assistant coach for the high school and for her travel team. I did not sign up for either, but when asked I made sure it was ok with DD first. She seemed excited by it, so I agreed.

My advice is to enjoy the ride, no matter what the role may be. At some point you may be driving the car. At another point, you may just be a passenger. In either case, your role is extremely important to her development, even if that role is nothing more than sitting on a chair and cheering for her. I know for a fact that I will miss these days when they are gone, so I plan to do whatever I can to support and help her along the way.
 
Mar 20, 2014
918
28
Northwest
I stopped being part of the coaching staff when DD finished 14U, not because DD wanted me to but because I felt like my experience level was reached. Since then I have always been a part of my DD's hitting staff - I went to all of her hitting lessons to absorb as much as I could, not to take over but so that I could help her when she worked on her own. I have remained in that roll - I talk to her TB coaches about what they see and what they are working on so I can work with her. I am lucky - my DD appreciates my eye and has never given me any blowback. Soft tossing her hitting practice is one of my favorite activities. :D
 
Dec 10, 2015
845
63
Chautauqua County
Coaching my oldest daughter was a dream, highly motivated and coachable. Coaching my middle daughter was a nightmare, barely motivated and uncoachable. Coaching my 9 yo has been the best, rewarding and challenging old coach/dad to the max. I guess what I've learned is that the time comes when you have to give them the keys to life's car and watch them pull out of the driveway and hope and pray when they do call you, it's for a dead battery or directions and not a major accident. I was the best driving instructor I could be and because I can see a lot of me in them, I have faith and confidence they understand right from wrong. However, once the coaching bug has bit you, you may be able to take the parent out of the coach but you can never take the coach out of a parent.
If it's any help, there are all sorts of younger teams out there looking for good coaches. It might be a opportune time to transition from Dad coach to Coach.
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
42,830
Messages
679,481
Members
21,445
Latest member
Bmac81802
Top