DD "B" is no longer a pitcher.

I have 3 daughters..........This is our anthem..........

I let pitching go with my middle DD when she was a freshman. It was clear she did not have the mental/emotional make-up of the position. She did not love it. She could toss it up there about 54 - 56 and had a few pitches but would constantly be working out of trouble with just average control. I could see there were dozens of better pitchers in our state and pitchers with more confidence and determination on her high school team so we decided together to excel in the outfield and at the plate. Turned out great. She started 4 years. Went to state 3 out of 4 years. Decided she was not playing college softball after high school despite a few opportunities. She is in college in the next phase but we have great memories. She was a very effective hitter and fielder. Glad we moved on from pitching - she was fairly good but- it wasn't for her.

Doug, I fully understand where your at here. Just remember you are dad first and coach second. She will decide on her own what's important to her, let her. Be supportive and encouraging to whatever she is in to at the moment. Lord knows if she's anything like my 15 year old, its probably gonna change by next week anyways...

Doug, first, there are some great responses and ones that maybe you should read a couple of times. Before I forget, JJ, at my sports banquets, I always played Father to Son in my PowerPoints. It is an outstanding song.

Doug, you are angry and want to assess blame. Some to yourself, your child and some to your wife. There is not any blame to be spread out. Life is a progression of experiences where people find success or failure and then grow from both. Peaks and Valleys as I like to say. You are in a Valley. A Peak is coming. My daughter was a pitcher and was one of the top in our area. She was recognized in ESPN Magazine as a player and a pitcher. She pitched on a very good TB team as well. Most of you have seen her recruitment video and so have seen her pitch. She threw around 63 most of the time and had great stuff. She did put the work in and did want to pitch. Well, until her senior year when she signed her NLI. I was her V coach her senior year and so, one day at practice, she came up to me and asked a very poignant question. Why should she pitch in HS if she is going to have to win a spot in the OF in college? Great question and we had other pitchers who were good. So, I told her she would be an OF. It killed me to say that. She was 29-1 in HS and a 3 year starter in the circle entering her senior year. She was All Area, All Conference ... While she only took the circle 10 or 11 times a season, it was always against the toughest conference schools and state ranked teams. She beat them all and had a few no hitters doing so. That feeling you have inside is exactly what I had and is almost depression. It isn't, as some have suggested, living your life through your child but rather a point a parent experiences where they realize that this choice might have consequences down the road that the child may regret. However, she may not regret it and that is what you don't see.

Doug, my daughter was in college her freshman year and their pitching was not good. So, she went to coach and told him that she could pitch and would win. He told her that with 20 girls on the team that she was the 21st option to pitch. While he was joking, that hurt her feelings because she knows she can step into the circle and win. She won't get it back. That is what you fear. It is still ok and life goes on and the other experience you are going to have will trump these feelings you now have. Give it time.

Since we are linking songs about our children, this one is one we should all take note of:

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Every time we roadtrip to a PC session or a Travel Tournament, I have this routine where I start the car, back out the driveway and ask "do we still love softball"? So, far it's been a resounding "YUP!" from DD, but at the same time i am fully-prepared for her to walk-away from it. It's her choice, and always has been.

I agree that endeavoring to become a pitcher has valuable "life lessons" built into it, every step of the way. At the very least, it fosters courage and self-confidence - two excellent traits for a young woman to possess.

Also, not necessarily applicable to the OP, given the age his DD started, but to all the dads of young DDs out there: it is so important to keep it fun, and also allow for moments of success "in the now". I read about so many parents pushing their DDs up to play in older age brackets, sometimes at the expense of reasonable "circle time". This is justified by it being "a marathon, not a sprint"; with the goal of becoming a stellar 18U Gold pitcher and nabbing a D1 scholarship. Those are great goals, But I also firmly believe that allowing a young pitcher age-appropriate successes along the way is vital to their enjoyment, and we as parents are responsible for guiding that balance.

Doug, I went through the same thing with my DD. I had many of the same feelings knowing that DD was missing out on an opportunity and may regret it down the road but the work ethic just wasn't there. She would much rather sit and text with her friends or get on the computer to social media. Then a funny thing happened one day. We were riding to a TB tournament and talking when I mentioned that I always thought she would be a good catcher. She looked at me and said she always wanted to try catching. Through a series of circumstances, DD actually had to catch a game that day for the team. Since then, she has been hooked. She works everyday at some aspect of catching in the basement for about an hour a day completely on her own. Occasionally she will ask for help or to be taken out to the fields so she can practice throw-downs and snaps. I don't have to say a word.

The point I'm trying to make is that this may be a lost opportunity for your DD but it's not the end of the world. No one knows what the future will hold and as they say, as one door closes, another one opens. Just because your DD may not be a pitcher doesn't mean she won't find another position in which she'll develop the drive to work at it.

Doug, no advice just sympathy from this father. I hope you get the relationship aspect of this thing figured out.

good luck, you will find other interests to share. my oldest dd is now a band nut and getting her to practice is never an issue. she loves it.

Doug - I feel for you. I know what kind of time and energy you put into this sport. Not only for your DD but others as well. While I know you are feeling a great deal of emotions, one you should feel is pride. Being a coach myself I know the rap that comes along with being a dad and a coach. While I know there can be significant problems with some daddy ball coaches, they are not all bad. Based on your posts, I feel you are one of the good ones , and I hope to follow that direction.

At one point in time I was the overbearing dad always pushing DD to practice. I have improved in that respect but it can still be a challenge. During the tournament season there is no issue with practice. But during the offseason it can be a different story. We are currently having some trouble getting started right now in fact. Always in her room texting, snap chatting, intagramming, etc. Once we get to practice, she is fine. But dragging her out of her room and prying the cell phone out of her fingers is frustrating. Hopefully this is just a phase....

Doug Romrell said:

My father was a fantastic baseball player. However, when I was young but old enough to play baseball, my dad coached a team a year younger than the team I was on. Further, he never helped me as a kid become a baseball player. Thus, I only lasted one season. I resented my father for that and the fact that he didn't do much with me. With my two daughters I tried to do what my father didn't do for me, but I get the sense that it didn't help anything in terms of parent/child relationship. Strange how that is.

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Kids can be strange. And they do march to the beat of their own drum.

When DS was old enough for BB I signed him up and coached him the 1st year.
The 2nd year he didn't want me to coach him so I moved on to DD1 and introduced to FP softball (we'll not really FP at that age more like combo of coach pitch and tee ball)
After 3rd year DS decided he no longer wanted to play BB. Nearly broke my heart but he's a great kid and we do alot together, just not sports. That's not really his thing.

DD1 will practice whenever I ask her and she enjoys it but I always have to ask her. It's never, hey dad can we go out at work on _____ today. She has no desire to play A travel ball or go out for HS team. Just likes playing with friends in rec.

DD2 comes up to me and says hey dad, can we go pitch? hey dad can we work on change up today? dad I want to pitch for all-stars this summer.

3 kids, same dad, same introduction to BB/SB around the same age, 3 totally different results.