DD "B" is no longer a pitcher.

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May 7, 2008
8,506
48
Tucson
Doug, I forgot my most common advice - Go play slow pitch. I did that for a year and i found that there is a whole different world out there and that people are obsessed by slow pitch, too.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
Doug,

The feelings you have are normal. But the biggest feeling you're having is "Failure." Not on your DD's part. Rather, on yours. I'm sure you've asked yourself a 100 times what you needed to do to motivate your DD into doing the work needed to be a good pitcher. Unfortunately, your wife was an enabler when your daughter wanted to quit. It's hard to fight an enabler. The person being aided finds it easy to go that direction.

At some point the players have to make the game theirs. No matter how much you want it for them. They have to play for themselves. I've seen many, many talented players walk away from the game from 12U all the way through college. Don't blame yourself, your wife or your DD. Unless she's 100% committed to pitching she will do nothing by go through the motions trying to please you. If your DD is otherwise a good, normal and healthy teenager consider yourself a lucky father and work to connect with your DD in other ways.

I can relate to your wife enabling your DD. Mine tried it a few times and I had to get into it with her in front of my DD so they both knew what the expectations were and what needed to be done to succeed. Once the DD was having a lot of success the wife stopped and the DD finally realized why she needed to work MORE than any of her teammates.

A very talented young girl I work with said something to me last night after her lesson. The week before I had given her an exercise to do at home to help with her concentration and focus. She said "You're going to be mad at me." I asked "Why?" She told me she forgot to do the exercise I gave her. I said to her I would never be mad at her. Then I explained to her what I used to tell my DD when she did not want to practice. "I doesn't bother me if you practice or not. I'm not the one who is going stink out there." It's at that moment when you find out just how motivated they are to succeed.
 
Jun 18, 2012
3,183
48
Utah
Doug, I forgot my most common advice - Go play slow pitch. I did that for a year and i found that there is a whole different world out there and that people are obsessed by slow pitch, too.

At the ripe old age of 54, I played slow-pitch last year. I hadn't played slow-pitch since I was a teenager. My first at bat I hit a triple. Of course, I thought I was really hauling azz, but I'm sure I looked funny as I ran. Once I got to third-base, I was so winded that I thought they'd need to call an ambulance. By the way... I played slow-pitch during the time was was also coaching my travel team.
 
Jun 18, 2012
3,183
48
Utah
"It doesn't bother me if you practice or not. I'm not the one who is going stink out there." It's at that moment when you find out just how motivated they are to succeed.

Yup! Good advice! And I'll use that "It doesn't bother me if.... I'm not the one who is going to stick out there."

I think what bothers me most of all is the seems to be settling for mediocrity. I don't care if it's softball or school work or whatever, I would prefer to see a person driven to succeed." Maybe her lack of that is my failure as a parent.
 

JJsqueeze

Dad, Husband....legend
Jul 5, 2013
5,436
38
safe in an undisclosed location
Doug-

I feel you. My two cents is to make sure you look in the mirror and can tell yourself that you are putting her needs above yours. I am not saying you are or are not, I am not there to observe, but I do know that it is vitally important that we as fathers and men can do this on a daily basis. I only mention this because in telling her she should tell the coach that she is not a pitcher anymore, it seems you may have taken over too much control of her pitching if this was your decision and not hers. I know that I cross the line myself and have to make some amends occasionally to the DDs when I start taking the game too seriously. I hope it works out for you and her.
 

Greenmonsters

Wannabe Duck Boat Owner
Feb 21, 2009
6,168
38
New England
DR - You may not realize it, but your DD has learned something - doing things just to please others is not the road to personal fulfillment. Now maybe I've misread things, but it seems that softball is a game, an extracurricular activity that she apparently enjoys but doesn't want to invest all her time in. IMO, as long as she is taking care of her schoolwork and isn't being a couch potato, let her decide what she wants to focus her time and attention. To me, it sounds like your DD is on the way to becoming a confident and independent young lady capable of making her own decisions. And isn't that the ultimate goal? We are talking about a teenager, so it is very possible that I could be off base, too. Regardless, stop beating yourself up man!
 
Jun 18, 2012
3,183
48
Utah
My father was a fantastic baseball player. However, when I was young but old enough to play baseball, my dad coached a team a year younger than the team I was on. Further, he never helped me as a kid become a baseball player. Thus, I only lasted one season. I resented my father for that and the fact that he didn't do much with me. With my two daughters I tried to do what my father didn't do for me, but I get the sense that it didn't help anything in terms of parent/child relationship. Strange how that is.

 

JJsqueeze

Dad, Husband....legend
Jul 5, 2013
5,436
38
safe in an undisclosed location
DO NOT LISTEN to Cats in the Cradle. That song has a way of making every dad make a list of his failings. I play so much damned ball with my kids, read books, play goofy games etc. I am a very good father but when I hear that song I can only think of the times I have not said yes to play time, or missed a school play, or said I had to work or lost my temper and yelled. Screw that song and it's guilt trip. Your daughters are young, kids are resilient, I am sure they appreciate what you have given them....just give her a hug, tell her you love her more than anything in the world and that whatever she decides to do in life that you will back her 100% (unless it is soccer of course.)
 

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