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Thread: Player not showing up for practice due to mom

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    Certified softball maniac YOCOACH's Avatar
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    Default Player not showing up for practice due to mom

    The past two years I had a real problem with my girls showing up late for practice, not showing up at all, not showing up for games and not notifying me for any of it. This year, before the season started, I gave every player and parent a contract stating that the penalty for this would be their DD would sit the next game that she showed up for. I also told them that it did not apply as long as I knew at least an hour beforehand. It was a show of disrespect to me and the team if they did not contact me. I had very few problems except with one player. She made it to 2 practices out of 32 and by the time the season ended, played in 6 out of 24 games. She was benched for another 7. Because she missed playing in at least half the games, she was ineligible to play for the All-Stars team in which she would have made the #1 team easily as she was one of my best players. She cried about not being able to play for All-Stars and blamed me for sitting her the necessary games and her mother (single parent) for being too lazy to bring her. I simply told her..."You have your own cell phone and you had my number. All you had to do was call and let me know. You knew the rules. Sorry." Of course her mother went to the council and complained, threatened and cajoled. However, it's stated in our by-laws that I have the right to do what I did so it went nowhere. It's a shame really. Because her mother was so lazy (and she was very lazy), she cost a talented young softball player a possible way to get out of the ghetto. We are the only open rec league in our area and I know she won't be back next year.

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    Certified softball maniac SoftSocDad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YOCOACH View Post
    The past two years I had a real problem with my girls showing up late for practice, not showing up at all, not showing up for games and not notifying me for any of it. This year, before the season started, I gave every player and parent a contract stating that the penalty for this would be their DD would sit the next game that she showed up for. I also told them that it did not apply as long as I knew at least an hour beforehand. It was a show of disrespect to me and the team if they did not contact me. I had very few problems except with one player. She made it to 2 practices out of 32 and by the time the season ended, played in 6 out of 24 games. She was benched for another 7. Because she missed playing in at least half the games, she was ineligible to play for the All-Stars team in which she would have made the #1 team easily as she was one of my best players. She cried about not being able to play for All-Stars and blamed me for sitting her the necessary games and her mother (single parent) for being too lazy to bring her. I simply told her..."You have your own cell phone and you had my number. All you had to do was call and let me know. You knew the rules. Sorry." Of course her mother went to the council and complained, threatened and cajoled. However, it's stated in our by-laws that I have the right to do what I did so it went nowhere. It's a shame really. Because her mother was so lazy (and she was very lazy), she cost a talented young softball player a possible way to get out of the ghetto. We are the only open rec league in our area and I know she won't be back next year.
    SMH

    You had a chance to do something that could have sent her life into an upward arc. But instead, you chose to punish the child because of the shortcomings of the mother. I don't know her situation at all, but I do know that you sound way too proud of yourself here.

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    Super Moderator sluggers's Avatar
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    Rec ball is *NOT* travel ball.

    Because her mother was so lazy (and she was very lazy), she cost a talented young softball player a possible way to get out of the ghetto. We are the only open rec league in our area and I know she won't be back next year.
    I have trouble believing any rec ball coach would do something like this to a child. It sounds like you were trying to teach the mother a lesson by punishing the child.
    Last edited by sluggers; 10-03-2011 at 10:35 PM.
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    Certified softball maniac YOCOACH's Avatar
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    I'm not proud nor have I tried to teach anyone a lesson in this whether it was the player or the mother. I would have played her if she had called. The team manager and team sponsor sat both their own DD's (starting Short stop and pitcher) for 2 games because of the same thing as well as 1 other player who was our starting first baseman. Both are divorced and their ex's had them. If I had done it any differently, I would have been removed by either the team manager or the sponsor. If it had been up to me, I would have sat her for 3 innings and let her play the other 4. With her help in one of the other games we probably would have won at least one of those. That being said, She did cost us 4 forfeits that year because we did not have enough players show up to play (first communion weekend, etc.etc.) Had we won even one more of those games we would have made the play-offs. So I guess it's a case of the team manager cutting off the team's nose to spite our face. As for rec ball NOT being TB, try explainig that to the team managers in our league. In the 6-8 coach pitch instructional division, the managers and coaches won't even stop the girls at third because they're not allowed to make a play at home. It's insane.
    Last edited by YOCOACH; 10-04-2011 at 12:20 AM.

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    SMH

    You had a chance to do something that could have sent her life into an upward arc. But instead, you chose to punish the child because of the shortcomings of the mother. I don't know her situation at all, but I do know that you sound way too proud of yourself here.
    Actually, I still am doing something to help her get out only because her home life is so bad. Her mother as I said is lazy and really doesn't care about her. Her older sister is the mother's "blessed" child. Everything is done for her and nothing for the younger one. I got her on another team with a friend of mine as manager/coach. Since her mother won't take her to practice, I talked him into letting her practice with my new team and play for him. I will pick her up for our practice and take her home and he will pick her up for their games and take her home. This actually isn't an uncommon practice in our league since we're mostly inner city. I also talked the league into waiving the fee for her if she wants to come back next year. Now it's up to her.
    Last edited by YOCOACH; 10-03-2011 at 11:46 PM.

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    Super Moderator Amy in AZ.'s Avatar
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    I have never heard of a league that would make a kid sit out, because of a custody issue. Am I missing something, here? How would a kid ever get to play?

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    Certified softball maniac YOCOACH's Avatar
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    They had written the contract, made copies and had me hand them out and had all of us sign them; including themselves. They enforced the rules they had written with this one girl already and the 1st baseman a little later. The ex's had them and did not call saying they weren't going to make it for a game (manager's DD) or a practice (sponsor's DD) so they felt it only fair that they sit theirs for the same infraction. Twice each actually.
    Last edited by YOCOACH; 10-04-2011 at 12:13 AM.

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    Certified softball maniac Chris O'Leary's Avatar
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    I agree that you don't want to punish a kid for the failings of the parents. Been there done that last year with a boy who likes soccer and baseball and whose dad wants him to play. However, the dad travels and the mom won't get him to practice consistently. But making 2 out of 32 practices is really bad. I will cut kids slack if they just make 1/2 or even 1/3 of practices if I know the dynamic, but I don't know what I'd do with a kid who only made 2 practices.

    However, it is rec, so you have to be even more understanding.

    If you are serious about doing the right thing, you may have to do what I had to do last year and have you or one of your coaches or parents offer to give the kid a ride to practice.

    That's what worked with the mom referenced above.

    Of course, some people have no shame, and all you can do is say a prayer for the kids and move on.

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    Certified softball maniac Chris O'Leary's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YOCOACH View Post
    As for rec ball NOT being TB, try explainig that to the team managers in our league. In the 6-8 coach pitch instructional division, the coaches won't even stop the girls at third because they're not allowed to make a play at home. It's insane.
    I get it, but bad behavior is no excuse for bad behavior.

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    Certified softball maniac Chris O'Leary's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YOCOACH View Post
    As for rec ball NOT being TB, try explainig that to the team managers in our league. In the 6-8 coach pitch instructional division, the coaches won't even stop the girls at third because they're not allowed to make a play at home. It's insane.
    I get it, but bad behavior is no excuse for bad behavior.

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