What a girl wants

DD's experiences this fall have had me thinking about what players really want in a team. This is a subject that has fascinated me from the time I formed a team and coached it from 10U through 12U. (Just a bleacher parent these days).

It's an important question, IMO, because too many well-meaning coaches take on teams for their own selfish reasons (competitive, ego needs) and not really to help kids, which requires that you give serious thought to why they play the game, and not why we think they ought to play it.

So, DD got on a team this fall in which she's possibly the least valuable player. For the first time in her 8 years of travel ball, her playing time has been limited somewhat. In about 30 games, she got 45 at-bats (team average was about 60). Played about 70 percent of the time in the field.

Nevertheless, she LOVES this team. She likes and enjoys her coaches and teammates and their positive energy. She fits in and feels valued.

I think that this is the most underrated thing that girls want out of softball. While they certainly can be very competitive and want to win, that's secondary IMO to the need to fit in. They'd rather fit in than win. They also really want to play and be on the field, but are willing to sacrifice some of that for a team that is family to them. I was discussing this w/ a good friend of mine who coaches other sports. He had a great quote:

''The older I get and the more I coach kids, the more it becomes clear. People want to be a part of a "family". Respected, having fun.........a healthy family environment. The memories are just sweeter when you feel comfortable and enjoy the people you are doing life with.''

Your thoughts?

We did not win a game again this past year.

All the players were at practice, hustled and some hugs during games.

If we had 2 pitchers and some batters we could have been dangerous.

I seen it this year.... DD played up. She meshed in easy, because she came on late in May, because they lost a pitcher. As she progressed, or as they got to see her in action.... they began to treat her as their favorite little sister. DD is an only child in our household.... She loves them

I think that this is the most underrated thing that girls want out of softball. While they certainly can be very competitive and want to win, that's secondary IMO to the need to fit in. They'd rather fit in than win.

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At the younger ages, I agree.

The likelihood that a kid is not going to "fit in" on a team goes way down as the kids get older. The number of participants decreases. The kids develop a strong desire to win. The kids are more adept at handling complex social situation. Coaches are more attuned to destructive team dynamics, and will stop team problems before they get serious.

For 10U at least, which is as far as we've gotten, I think you're right. And almost every bad experience we've had ourselves in softball or that we've heard about others having has had to do with the adults, not the kids. I think most kids want to play ball, have fun, try to win games, have fun, learn to be better ball players, and have fun.

We had a player in MS, she just wanted to be in dugout.

She had no interest in playing, drove her dad nuts but he came to every game.

I think a player needs teammates who have similar competitive goals. Ultra competitive players will be more comfortable with similar players. All players need to feel valued.

chinamigarden said:

I think a player needs teammates who have similar competitive goals. Ultra competitive players will be more comfortable with similar players. All players need to feel valued.

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That's a key point, I agree. That's a big reason why DD feels very at home w/ current team and didn't like her 2015 team so much. Everybody is on the same page.

DD is in her second year of 14u. There is a girl on a rival team that is a very good but very arrogant pitcher. Playing against this girl has always brought out the top end of her competitive spirit. DD has never "liked" this girl. This fall we were scheduled to play them on Sunday. Out of the blue on Saturday night DD said she didn't like "Jane doe" but if they were on the same team they would probably get along fine and she would probably even start liking her. The girls do grow up and at the older ages I agree with the thought that the girls like to be around girls with similar goals. DD's current team is a great bunch of girls with a lot of talent.. DD gets a little frustrated that not all the girls are as competitive as she is. She likes all the girls but at some point there comes a divide between the girls who want to play softball and have fun and those that are more competitive.

quincy said:

We had a player in MS, she just wanted to be in dugout.

She had no interest in playing, drove her dad nuts but he came to every game.

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We've got one who likes sitting. Coach sometimes asks her if she wants to play infield for an inning and she says no, she likes the outfield. She pitches, but only wants to pitch pool games or low pressure games, and after a couple of innings she says she's done and wants to sit and rest. lol She's an awesome kid, brings a great energy to the team; she just wants to have fun and play some and cheer for her teammates. Her mom is fine with it; whatever she wants, if she likes sitting let her sit, whatever. It's unusual (well, in my experience anyway) but it's working so go figure. She's a good ball player and she likes to play, she just also likes to be in the dugout cheering and taking a break