Having to deal with "THAT" parent

I took my newly rebuilt 12u team to their first tournament as a new unit this weekend. Everyone gets along great until the 1st game starts. Negative Nelly never shut up. This kid that, that kid this, that coach this, that coach that, my kid is the best etc....
I made it VERY clear that the new team is built on the foundation of positive and encouraging coaching. I will correct mistakes, but I refuse to be negative and treat them like dogs. I expect no less from the parents. Golden Rule, always...or don't bother coming back. Negativity is not welcome here! My dd is on the team, but don't ever think I'm a daddy ball coach. Half the new team members didn't even know the 3B was my dd until the tournament.
If your kid is on 2B and she doesn't cover 1 on a bunt, I WILL correct her! I'll remind her that's not acceptable play and she can fix it or warm the bench. If that's too harsh....don't bother coming back. However, if you dd is the SS and a weakly hit ground ball comes her way, she attacks it hard, runs through the scoop of the ball, sets her feet, and then happens to make an errand throw, I'm not going to correct her for doing everything perfectly leading up to the accuracy of the throw. She and everyone there knows she's gotta make that throw. So, don't think I'm showing favoritism towards her when I didn't correct her.
Bottom line is, I'm sick and tired of these people who think we have to coach these kids like they've joined the Marine Corp. and are in basic training....all the time. At what point do we step back and remember that this is a game and should be fun for everyone?
Sorry for the rant...

coach james said:

At what point do we step back and remember that this is a game and should be fun for everyone?

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Somewhere around 14U where the kids start to feel old enough like they can tell mom or dad to shut up. (sometimes earlier)

I'd choose a coach like you over the military style any day. After last year our #1 priority for this year was that the DD have FUN. I do not want my 10 year old yelled at, humiliated, etc. Our spring team was very negative and it sucks all the fun out of it. I wouldn't go back to that on purpose, ever. I also have found that dad coaches are just as likely to be awesome as any other coach. I get that you have to be more careful, particularly if coach's daughter shares your daughter's primary position. But I just really haven't found dad coaches to be a problem so far. I think for some it's an excuse when really, their DD just isn't as advanced as they think she is. Some parents need their kid to be awesome for their own ego, and will make up any number of excuses as to why she isn't measuring up.

ETA: realized the sentence order made it sound like our spring coaches yelled/humiliated. Not the case! Just a bad transition there. They just were not upbeat at all.

Same in this area. There are some good organizations that have paid coaches that do not have kids on the teams, but most around here have teams that have coaches that also have kids that play. Doesn't mean that they can't be good coaches also.

marriard said:

Somewhere around 14U where the kids start to feel old enough like they can tell mom or dad to shut up. (sometimes earlier)

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A couple of weeks ago DD2 who is 11 years old was playing in a soccer game. She is constantly out of position and over pursuing her opponent. She is the Right Defender and just happens to be playing on the side of the field next to the parents. So of course, I am coaching her up and she takes exception to it. She yells out. Dad!!! BE QUIET AND LET ME DO WHAT I DO!!!! Yep that just happened. The team hasn't won a game and the coach doesn't know what's going on. So I sit in my chair and try to enjoy the game for what it is.

I think that is a big part of the problem with travel softball. If you had a good coach that was doing it the right way would you even know it?

Too many parents are actually looking for that old school coach that yells and screams just like the coach they had 25 years ago. Coaching (and parenting) has evolved.

The simple fact that you know which mistake needed addressed would be proof enough to me as a parent that you're the right coach for my DD, of course coaching myself some and being around it, I get it. Most of those parents know less than the girls you're coaching and it's sad that the parents are the usually the less mature bunch you deal with. 12 year olds are easier to handle than ignorant parents.

Coach James, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this but keep doing what you are doing. You may need to lose this player, but you have the right idea in my opinion. While most coaches that I see are pretty good, I hate watching a team where the coaches just berate the players the whole game, between games and then in the next game. You can see the terror on their faces. I can count on 1 hand the number of players over the years that I have watched or coached who didn't give me everything they have every game every inning. The toughness that I see from most of them just amazes me. When you get into the zone where they are having fun and playing hard and loose you are in store for some great games. You may not win them all, but it's so much fun to see them play with confidence.

If they make a mental mistake you need to make them run a lap around the park, I am talking about the parent.

Each team seems a little bit different and being a new Team they might not know what you expect. Need to stop poor behavior right at the start or it will be a long season for you and maybe everyone.

quincy said:

If they make a mental mistake you need to make them run a lap around the park, I am talking about the parent.

Each team seems a little bit different and being a new Team they might not know what you expect. Need to stop poor behavior right at the start or it will be a long season for you and maybe everyone.

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If coaches made parents run for bad behavior, youth softball might be a lot more pleasant.