Ethics Question - Accepting a Spot on a Team, but still looking?

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Jul 29, 2016
231
43
Daughter has been offered a spot on a team, but the coach has suggested (though he hasn't actually out and said it) that he wants her to commit TODAY. We like what we are hearing from the coach, but he's putting together a new organization which he claims will be A-level. Lots of pie-in-the-sky promises about showcases, national tournaments, and college connections. I honestly don't know whether the coach can deliver on his promises.

I think our choices are 1) tell the coach we need more time to decide, or 2) tell him we're committing and keep looking. We'd like this team to be our safety net if our 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices don't come through.

I'm a little put-off by the pressure to commit to an organization without a track-record, and I think I might be using that to rationalize an unethical solution to our dilemma. Advice or helpful war-stories welcome.
 
Last edited:
Jul 5, 2016
652
63
Just tell him that your daughter was planning on trying out for several teams and you will let him know her decision at the end of that process. Worst case possibility is that you end up with nothing, but that seems unlikely.
 
Mar 1, 2015
131
0
Daughter has been offered a spot on a team, but the coach has suggested (though he hasn't actually out and said it) that he wants her to commit TODAY. We like what we are hearing from the coach, but he's putting together a new organization which he claims will be A-level. Lots of pie-in-the-sky promises about showcases, national tournaments, and college connections. I honestly don't know whether the coach can deliver on his promises.

I think our choices are 1) tell the coach we need more time to decide, or 2) tell him we're committing and keep looking. We'd like this team to be our safety net if our 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices don't come through.

I'm a little put-off by the pressure to commit to an organization without a track-record, and I think I might be using that to rationalize an unethical solution to our dilemma. Advice or helpful war-stories welcome.

I don't know where you are located or what your daughter's goals are, but if they include playing D1 then cracking into the major showcase lineup is not easy, and a first year org is going to struggle to do so...unless the coach came from a big org and has lots and lots and lots of relationships. If you have 2-3 years to let the org grow, you may be alright.

Plus, the "now or never" attitude sounds very desperate. At work we have people wanting our private equity firm to make an investment. They spend half a day making their pitch. Over half of them want a commitment on the spot, minutes after they dump all this data on us. We have adopted a philosophy - if you want and answer now, the answer is no.

Oh, and I see dozens and dozens of "A" teams posting around here looking for that stud pitcher or catcher. If this team doesn't already have those two pieces then you need to realize this isn't going to be an A-level team as he claims until those holes are filled. Been there, done that. Learned a lot...
 
Jul 29, 2016
231
43
I don't know where you are located or what your daughter's goals are, but if they include playing D1 then cracking into the major showcase lineup is not easy, and a first year org is going to struggle to do so...unless the coach came from a big org and has lots and lots and lots of relationships. If you have 2-3 years to let the org grow, you may be alright.

Plus, the "now or never" attitude sounds very desperate. At work we have people wanting our private equity firm to make an investment. They spend half a day making their pitch. Over half of them want a commitment on the spot, minutes after they dump all this data on us. We have adopted a philosophy - if you want and answer now, the answer is no.

Oh, and I see dozens and dozens of "A" teams posting around here looking for that stud pitcher or catcher. If this team doesn't already have those two pieces then you need to realize this isn't going to be an A-level team as he claims until those holes are filled. Been there, done that. Learned a lot...


I agree with everything you're saying, and those are all the concerns we have. My question, though, concerned the ethics of "committing" to the team while we're still looking. Obviously such a commitment is, in essence, a lie. If we were truly committed, we'd stop looking. If you commit to play for a AAA baseball organization, and the Yankees come calling, would anyone blame you for going to the big-leagues?

I don't want a Machiavellian choice to follow my daughter around. How will this be perceived by the softball community?
 

marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
4,312
113
Florida
If you are uncertain, then you absolutely don't commit today - or even give a fake commit. If your DD is a player who is good enough to be offered a spot on a 'A' team today, then she will have lots of options tomorrow. I know the top 5 or 6 players on our current roster would have a spot on any of the local 'A' teams if they decided to leave (hope they never do, but that is an honest assessment on how good they are).

The 'decide today' coach is just one who wants to bluff you into a decision today - especially on a 'new' team. The only time it isn't a bluff is from the biggest local team org's #1 best team - and then you jump at the chance anyway if that is what you were looking for. BTW, there is nothing wrong with him asking especially if there is a chance you are ready to commit - if I can get a committed good player then I can use that to help me get other fence sitters to commit as well. People want to know who else is on the team and committed before they make their commitments as well.

The right thing to do:

'Thanks, we loved your team and tryouts and you are absolutely the sort of team we want to join, but we need to explore all the options for our daughter and have already committed to being at a couple of upcoming tryouts. We will know what is best for us on XXXX date and I really hope you still have a roster spot available." That way you have expressed interest and commited to when you will make a decision so he doesn't feel like he is being strung along.

You can even add if pressured to commit, "I could lie to you and say I am committed today, but that wouldn't be honest. We need time as a family to make our decision"

If there is no roster spot at decision time on this team, then it wasn't meant to be. So be it.
 
Jul 17, 2016
81
6
I agree with marriard and junkball. On top of what they say, softball's a small world. It's likely if you keep going to tryouts, or even "private evaluations", chances are high that it is going to get back to the coach anyway that your still trying out elsewhere. Might as well be up front about it.

We're having similar concerns about accepting or declining an offer, but I'd definitely be straight with the coach if we're still going to try out elsewhere.
 
Jan 27, 2010
1,871
83
NJ
Junkball has it right. Lots of new teams say they will go to the best tourneys but good luck getting into them and if you do get in, good luck being on the main fields. I'd want to know he has already walked the walk.
 
Aug 21, 2011
1,345
38
38°41'44"N 121°9'47.5"W
My question, though, concerned the ethics of "committing" to the team while we're still looking.

There's ethics during tryout season!?

As a coach, I tell the kid or parent that I'm going to roster say 12 girls. I will offer up spots to 15. The first 12 to commit get the spots. After that, the spots are taken. A coach should not wait on players before offering others a spot. A commit on my team also means a $100 non-refundable deposit on player fees.
 
Jan 23, 2014
248
0
The pressure put on kids to commit today or never is the practice I feel to be unethical. I would steal the words of Marriad almost verbatim. I get they need to make offers and get girls in line so that they can make sure they have a team. But they know exactly what they are doing when they have their tryouts sooner than established orgs and demand an answer immediately.
 
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
Here in Atlanta, there is an association of independent private schools (not all take place, but most do). They have agreed on a common notification date for admissions. So, letters accepting students all go out on the same day. Then, families have exactly two weeks to respond and commit. During that two week period, there can be movement with people declining offers and waitlists opening up. I SO wish that travel teams would adopt a system like this. I understand that such a system would be tremendously helpful to parents/players, but maybe less so to coaches. However, the less well-known teams could also benefit b/c those players who got an offer from their first choice team would be off the market immediately and they could then have time to communicate with those who are still available. Just the things I think about late at night while sweating this whole tryout process!
 

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