Prepare for heartbreak

I don't post here much but have been following along for years. I enjoy keeping up with topics and people and all of the colorful characters on this board. I would say I even draw strength and comfort hearing that many of you are going through the same things we are in our house. This is weighing heavily on my mind this weekend so I just wanted to share.

When you send your DD off to college to play softball make sure both she and you are prepared for heartbreak. As a parent, your heart breaks for your kid when she has done everything the "right" way and works harder than anyone and her best still isn't a good enough. As parents, we know that the end goal is a good education. Our girls should understand that too. But, don't kid yourself- the softball is the dream. For my DD, it doesn't matter that she has the highest GPA on the team with two majors, is respected by her coaches and teammates as having high character, and is respected by her professors- she wants that starting spot. It's heartbreaking, period. I know as a logical adult that the lessons she learns now will carry her far. I believe she has a great future in front of her, but right now my heart is still breaking.

I know there are others out there like me who don't always share their stories because most of what gets posted here is about great success- don't get me wrong- I love reading those. However, I needed to share this for myself.

I'll leave this by saying I believe the mental part of the game is the most important. I've always believed this and the struggles my DD is facing confirms that. Unfortunately, the most important part is the hardest to teach. Some of it comes down to personality. I want my DD to get meaner- but that's not the way she's wired. We've told her there is a long ways until season starts, but the writing is on the wall- will she be able to rise to the occasion- I hope so.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks for the thread 7smom!

My DD has already received the warning from me that you are giving us here.
If all of this pans out in the next month or so, there is a very good chance my DD will only be in the batting line-up.
With her defense, she would probably be playing Right Bench for the first couple of years of college ball, and hitting only.
Good is not good enough...

Thanks again!

What year in school is she?

CoogansBluff said:

What year in school is she?

Click to expand...

She is a junior- but her college time includes a transfer after her freshman year from a disastrous first choice of schools. She should be in the hitting lineup, but like most of us- she wants the whole package. It's funny how you can think you're doing everything right and a little bit of bad luck along the way can put things into a tailspin. The same is true of good luck. I've seen lots of girls who end up with great success because of a little good luck coming their way (someone gets hurt, new coach, original school offer fell through etc.).

I just referenced the over-expectations some have when starting college. It's hard coming from being the star on a TB team to the rookie at college. They're used to a dozen girls all about the same age. All of a sudden it's 20+ girls and most are far more experienced. As a junior she's now moving into the role of one of the older kids and things should get better. It sounds like she's a terrific young woman and I would guess that's in part to her softball experiences, and of course your parenting.

Hopefully she keeps her head down and keeps grinding. We took DD to a camp yesterday and I was talking to the head coach. D1 school. He keeps the roster small in the 17-18 range. Last year he had 13 out of the 17 with some type of injury. At one point he was wondering if he had enough kids to start one game.

Just keep grinding, but easier said than done sometimes.

Choosing a college is a lot like choosing a TB team, with the added value of an education and hopefully some scholarship money to help offset the costs. I am sure your DD could be in the starting line up at some school, but is she willing to transfer from her current situation to pursue more playing time? I suggest telling your DD to work hard, be a good teammate and a role model for the younger players and to be ready to "step up" if the opportunity presents itself. Continue working hard in the classroom because at the end of 4 years her degree will mean a lot more than the amount of playing time she did or did not receive...

If you're in the everyday batting lineup as a junior and can hold that spot as a senior, that's probably 300-350 career plate appearances. I understand that competitive athletes are going to be disappointed they don't get more, but that's probably more plate appearances than the average college softball recruit. Consider that a goodly number quits or transfers before 4 years. My DD is a 2018 who is committed, and I might take 300 at-bats and call it a deal right now.

To me there are three legs to the stool => 1. Talent, 2. Work Ethic, 3. Perseverance (what I call the mental part)

A DD needs to have strong amounts of each to play that big spot on a big college team.

A softball-relative deficiency in either 2 or 3, without being supported by a huge standout capability in 1 will find a kid on the bench or off the team.

This is just reality. This is why striving for this goal is so great. This microcosm called "i wanna play college softball" is a compressed trial of life.

Don't want to sound cliche but IT IS the journey. Maybe your DD will find out in the end that with her unique balance of the three legs she could be the best doctor/nurse possible that the best softball player can't match. This experience is an experience that many in this society never in their whole life get a chance to develop from. I strongly believe this journey develops leaders in this society whether they played every inning of every game or if they had one at bat during their career. I actually pity in a way those who don't go through one of these dream-quest journeys in their life ; regardless of the dream (as long as it takes hard work to achieve).

Great post 7smom. Sounds like you have a great DD. I sincerely hope she gets that starting spot she is fighting for.