Thread: Player finally pushes coach over the edge

I think that you handled the situation well- so would not beat yourself up about it.

Another thought for you- while this is rec, you have a team of 7 other girls who are there to play and have fun- and this girl's behavior is detracting from their experience. Even in 10U- I think part of the experience involves girls understanding "team rules" and "team behavior" and being able to work within a framework that is age appropriate for them. At the very least, maybe it would be helpful to talk with her at a time when the situation is more remote- and go through the events to find out what prompted that melt down- and how something like that could be avoided in the future.

It sounds to me like your player might have some sort of anxiety disorder. Social anxiety is tied to performance in social situations and would be my first guess based on the situation you described. See the definition below, which I got from this website: Childhood Anxiety Disorders

Social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, is characterized by an intense fear of social and performance situations and activities such as being called on in class or starting a conversation with a peer.

As coaches, it’s not our place to diagnose. But if the signs are there, a little research might give you some ideas on how to more effectively coach this girl. Many times the parents are hesitant to divulge disorders like anxiety, ADHD, etc. because they don’t want their child to be treated differently or discriminated against. Or they don’t even know. I coached a kid in T-ball several years ago who was a functioning autistic. His parents didn’t even know he was autistic until he was four or five! He’d been misdiagnosed as hyperactive or ADHD by several doctors, and the mom had received quite a bit of stern criticism about her parenting style (lack of discipline, etc.). He was very difficult to coach, but I can only imagine what they went through on a daily basis.

Anyway, it might be something to look into. These disorders are not rational, and can be very frustrating for rational people to deal with. I think you handled the situation pretty well, considering.

Thanks to everyone for your responses.

Goingdeep, they were there, but when I spoke with the player, no one but the 2 of us heard what was going on. Although it was a private conversation during the game, I wanted the parents to be aware of exactly what I had said and how I'd said it. Some people don't like it when a coach or teacher has been 'mean' to their kids.

Screwball, I do think she's an attention-seeker. I won't purport to know what's going on in her head, but what I have noticed is that she wants her moping time to be acknowledged before she'll rejoin the group. If we'd had 8 players that game, I would have benched her, but because we were at the minimum, the only way to give our team a chance was to keep her in and hope she continued to play.

Honus, the parents tell me she is loving softball and being a part of this team, but I don't believe she always gives us an honest effort and that's the part that's tough on me. If the love is there, but she's not trying her hardest, then there's something I'm not giving to this player with respect to motivation.

Jesse, you make an excellent point. It's impossible for me to know what she might be going through without information from her or her parents. At the start of each season, I ask the parents to let me know if there's anything I should be aware of that might help me to better connect with their players. They aren't required to divulge any information, but anything that helps me should help their child, too.

I've been so blessed to have such great connections with most of my players that I can't help but feel I'm failing her and the other disinterested player in some way. Mojo's mom has been very supportive, though, reminding me that it's folly to expect that I could be all things to all players.

Very well handled in my opinion. Been a long time since I coached that age group but do remember being more of a parent to some of my players than their parents were. I would pick up players for practices and games simply because it was an inconvenience to some parents, not because they were working or something else legitimate. Just lazy... Anyhow, I strayed from the topic a little but remember that the attention and caring that you give to young girls at this age may be all they get and that it can make a difference in their lives. I would disagree with a previous poster who said something about taking them out and putting them on the bench and playing with 7. Not a good choice in my opinion especially at the age group we are speaking about. Again, very well handled..