Problem Player, Did I handle it right?

GA42sDad · Jul 8, 2011

We had that same scenario beginning of this season on our 10 TB team. We had a pretty good team, but had 2 girls on the team that always wanted the attention. The sad thing is that the HC didn't seem to see it. It all started last spring season. The problem continued and we ended of losing a total of 4 girls from the team. Good thing i guess was that one of them we lost was one of the girls. Both girls parents was coaches on the team. HC and AC. The AC seen that she could no longer control the situation and she realized that she needed to put her daughter on a team that the coaches would not except that.
It sad that parents will let their kids control adults at times.

tnacntv · Jul 17, 2011

I recently read an article on this very issue. It suggested that a players behaviour such as this is often for attention. The need to act out is to seek attention from others they don't receive in their personal lives. It suggested to let the team handle it by making it a team issue rather than a one on one where the player is made to feel as though they are in control. By this I mean rather than singleing the player out on their behaviour make the team responsible. By putting the rules on the table and the expectations regarding behaviour up front and the consequences clearly defined first and foremost the team will eventually have the control over a player such as this. Here is an example of what I mean:
If any player is heard saying negative things about another player or the team, the whole team will run.
If any player slings their helmet or gear, the whole team will run.
If any player does not participate or follow direction, the whole team will run.
With this set forth and enforced the team will eventually take control of a player like this or she will either leave because she is not gaining the control of the coaches and the team or most importantly she may even learn how her actions affect other people and begin to correct her behaviour.
I don't believe benching her is the best thing. I used to hear my friends say they wouldn't take their kids to the grocery store because they wouldn't behave. When I heard this time and again I insisted on taking mine so I could teach them to behave. On every outing I made sure i explained the rules and consequences should they not behave. I was prepared to stand by those statements also. I can't tell you how many times I left the stores and restaurants until they learned how to behave.
As coaches it is more than teaching these young girls softball. The influence we have goes well beyond that into their everyday lives. Believe it or not you are one person among many that will remain in the memory of a lifetime. Teaching them what 'team' is about will follow them the rest of their life

RedBirdDad · Jul 17, 2011

tnacntv said:
I recently read an article on this very issue. It suggested that a players behaviour such as this is often for attention. The need to act out is to seek attention from others they don't receive in their personal lives. It suggested to let the team handle it by making it a team issue rather than a one on one where the player is made to feel as though they are in control. By this I mean rather than singleing the player out on their behaviour make the team responsible. By putting the rules on the table and the expectations regarding behaviour up front and the consequences clearly defined first and foremost the team will eventually have the control over a player such as this. Here is an example of what I mean:
If any player is heard saying negative things about another player or the team, the whole team will run.
If any player slings their helmet or gear, the whole team will run.
If any player does not participate or follow direction, the whole team will run.
With this set forth and enforced the team will eventually take control of a player like this or she will either leave because she is not gaining the control of the coaches and the team or most importantly she may even learn how her actions affect other people and begin to correct her behaviour.
I don't believe benching her is the best thing. I used to hear my friends say they wouldn't take their kids to the grocery store because they wouldn't behave. When I heard this time and again I insisted on taking mine so I could teach them to behave. On every outing I made sure i explained the rules and consequences should they not behave. I was prepared to stand by those statements also. I can't tell you how many times I left the stores and restaurants until they learned how to behave.
As coaches it is more than teaching these young girls softball. The influence we have goes well beyond that into their everyday lives. Believe it or not you are one person among many that will remain in the memory of a lifetime. Teaching them what 'team' is about will follow them the rest of their life

Excellent post. Bravo

Sparky Guy · Jul 17, 2011

By this I mean rather than singleing the player out on their behaviour make the team responsible. By putting the rules on the table and the expectations regarding behaviour up front and the consequences clearly defined first and foremost the team will eventually have the control over a player such as this.

Ya know what... I am not here to be a therapist, counselor or surrogate parent to any player. I am not a professional in that area. I set forth the rules for behavior prior to the season at the initial team meeting. I put them in writing. If a player can not follow the rules I refuse to punish the those who do. It is not up to the other players to "fix" another player. They do not have the life experiences to do so. If a kid is so bad it requires punishment then I doubt they will care if the rest of the team suffers for their actions. One of the symptoms of that type of behavior is selfishness.

Sorry. It's follow the rules or you're gone. It's up the parents to figure out the best way to help their child. NOT THE SOFTBALL COACH!!!! I have enough problems keeping normal players and parents motivated and happy.

tnacntv · Jul 17, 2011

I hear ya, Coach Sparky Guy. I just shared what I had read. Just another take on the post. I'm just glad my daughter is not one any coach will have to worry about!

fastpitch · Jul 18, 2011

Sparky Guy said:
Ya know what... I am not here to be a therapist, counselor or surrogate parent to any player. I am not a professional in that area. I set forth the rules for behavior prior to the season at the initial team meeting. I put them in writing. If a player can not follow the rules I refuse to punish the those who do. It is not up to the other players to "fix" another player. They do not have the life experiences to do so. If a kid is so bad it requires punishment then I doubt they will care if the rest of the team suffers for their actions. One of the symptoms of that type of behavior is selfishness.

Sorry. It's follow the rules or you're gone. It's up the parents to figure out the best way to help their child. NOT THE SOFTBALL COACH!!!! I have enough problems keeping normal players and parents motivated and happy.

To me I think it depends on the level of play. For rec or little league there might not be much you can really do besides bench someone. But for travel/club ball, if a player doesn't want to do what everyone else does I make everyone else do extra for that persons lack of effort. Its the same thing in a game. If someone falters in the field everyone else has to make up for it. Players who want to be part of a travel or higher level team usually start working after that. They don't want to let their team down. Rec players might have a different attitude and might not want to really be there anyway so I think you might have to treat that situation differently. I'd probably bench her or just tell the player and her parents to not show up.

NVfishing · Jul 18, 2011

RedBirdDad said:
Excellent post. Bravo

I see where this would work. To me it always seems the troubled ones get someone else involved. If the other players choose not to because of the rules then it will settle the situation down.

Lozza · Jul 18, 2011

I was on a rep team where the coach did this. We had to drop and give him 20 for every mistake. If someone spoke back we would do a lap of the oval. (with seven diamonds on it to give you an idea of how big it was. It could have fit two more in) I had to do chin-ups because I fainted.

I was 11 years old.

I quit that team and he never coached rep again. The only reason the association didn't step in was because it was my grandfather was the person in charge of rep coaches and he didn't want to play favourites. Three other girls were pulled from that team as well.

I am so against punishing the entire team for one girl. The team doesn't fix mistakes. All it does is punish the girls who are doing the right thing. Or it goes too far in the opposite direction and the girl who started off as the bad player gets bullied mercilessly by her teammates. It never works.

softballphreak · Jul 18, 2011

Sparky Guy said:
Ya know what... I am not here to be a therapist, counselor or surrogate parent to any player. I am not a professional in that area. I set forth the rules for behavior prior to the season at the initial team meeting. I put them in writing. If a player can not follow the rules I refuse to punish the those who do. It is not up to the other players to "fix" another player. They do not have the life experiences to do so. If a kid is so bad it requires punishment then I doubt they will care if the rest of the team suffers for their actions. One of the symptoms of that type of behavior is selfishness.

Sorry. It's follow the rules or you're gone. It's up the parents to figure out the best way to help their child. NOT THE SOFTBALL COACH!!!! I have enough problems keeping normal players and parents motivated and happy.

Sometimes a dozen teammates can have much more influence on a player than an adult coach. Matter of fact we had an instance of a parent yelling and belittling their kid in the outfield a few games. Finally, the whole team, without any influence from any adults went to that parent after a game and told him in no uncertain terms that they didn't want him to do that again. Worked out great!

CoachKevin · Jul 18, 2011

I agree with Lozza. I am NOT a fan of mass punishment unless it involves the majority of the team (like if I am speaking and half of the girls are not paying attention, the team runs). Kinda like private pyle in Full Metal Jacket..... see what mass punishment did

Problem Player, Did I handle it right?

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