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Mar 31, 2016
10
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I'm a firm believer in "The Team comes first" but we have a couple girls who keep missing practices and games, one girl missed 4 weeks (8 practices) in a row. Excuses ranged from soccer, volleyball and parties. But our head coach just keeps telling us AC that she is considered the 12th girl and we will use her only if needed. Then we get to a tournament game and she shows up, he sits her the first inning then puts her in. Its causing a lot of unneeded drama with the parents and every time he gets asked about it he avoids the question and says its a tough situation because the family is part of his community and the girl goes to school with his daughter. As a AC I feel bad for the girls who are sitting on the bench while she plays and the parents ask me why and I just point to the HC and say you need to ask him. How would you experienced HC handle this? and is this a situation where as an AC I need to just stay out of it.
12u B team
 
Jun 11, 2013
2,619
113
I think you handled it right with other parents. I don't consider it out of line to at least bring up your concerns to the HC, but ultimately he will make rules.

On our previous team if you missed both practices for the week you sat the first game in our tournament(or 2nd if too many missed practice). The reason you missed
didn't matter. Everyone knew it and it was fine. After that it was all even as to who played after that.
 
Nov 16, 2015
184
18
Fair is not equal. There may be more to the story than you can know. It might be in the girls best interest to be on the team, even though she cant make practice. It needs to be communicated between the family involved and the head coach. Parents of other girls shouldnt need to worry about it.
 
Feb 15, 2013
650
18
Delaware
We have players that do not come to any weeknight practices as they have over a 1hr drive. On Sunday's we have a player who doesn't come because traffic heading north would take her 3 hours to get home. There's always a reason players don't or can't come to practice. As you move up to 16/18U and utilize guest players at showcases you will realize that those girls don't pay most of the time and get pretty good playing time. Parent's have a right to ask the question but they also need to understand that the answer they receive isn't always going to be an enjoyable one.
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
Fair is not equal. There may be more to the story than you can know. It might be in the girls best interest to be on the team, even though she cant make practice. It needs to be communicated between the family involved and the head coach. Parents of other girls shouldnt need to worry about it.
I disagree. When your child shows up religiously for practice and is benched for a girl you were told is #12 and who only shows up for practice half the time, you have a right to be bothered by that.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
As an AC, you should be able to have a civil discussion about it.

He said she would be used only when needed. She was used much more than needed. Tactfully point out this contradiction and ask him to clarify. Express that you fear it's causing resentment.

I can't say whether it's wrong for her to play this much. Might be good reasons for it. What's important is that the coach communicates well with parents on his philosophy and whether he sticks to his word.
 
Dec 23, 2009
791
0
San Diego
OP says "12U B" team. In my area, "B" means rec ball. I'm assuming the OP means a lower level travel team rather than rec ball.

However, what I'm most surprised by is that no one has asked the 800 pound gorilla question...so I will...is this daddy ball or is the "12th player" better than the girls she's taking playing time away from? I guess it could be a combination. Just curious.

If she is, then the girls losing playing time need to get better. If she's not, then the HC owes the team (girls and parents) an explanation as to why they should keep busting their butts while "12th player" seems to skate into the lineup without working as hard. JMHO.
 
Nov 16, 2015
184
18
I disagree. When your child shows up religiously for practice and is benched for a girl you were told is #12 and who only shows up for practice half the time, you have a right to be bothered by that.

This is my daughter's current scenario (14u). She hasnt been to travel ball practice in over a month. why? because she is also in school ball right now. She has 8th grade in the morning and then high school in the evenings. She starts 8th grade, 9th grade and jv then sits bench on the varsity team. She is spending 4-8 hours a day on the ball diamond and loving every minute of it. her school coaches are very aware of how busy she is with just school ball and will make occasional practices optional for her. As parents, we have to tell her she cant go otherwise she will be there. This was communicated to the TB coach before we ever agreed to TB. We were very upfront and said that school ball will be first and foremost. The HC was all for it. He has no problem with it. We have 3 other girls in similar situations (school ball). If he wouldnt have been for it, we would have said "thanks but no thanks". We believe school comes before travel. He made the same arrangements with all 4 of us because they are good kids and he knows they work their tails off to get better. They dont need to be at every tb practice.

One of the things i love about our TB organization is there encouragement to play other sports. We start practice in December, but kids are encouraged to play basketball, run track or whatever other sport they want to. There is no punishment for missing practice to attend other school functions. If you show up late because you were at a different event, its fine. You can practice with a different age group if that works better.

Side note, in December my daughter was #12 on the team. Now she bats leadoff.

Fair is not equal. Each person/situation is unique and should be treated as such. Communication between the family and HC is vital.
 

JJsqueeze

Dad, Husband....legend
Jul 5, 2013
5,436
38
safe in an undisclosed location
OP says "12U B" team. In my area, "B" means rec ball. I'm assuming the OP means a lower level travel team rather than rec ball.

However, what I'm most surprised by is that no one has asked the 800 pound gorilla question...so I will...is this daddy ball or is the "12th player" better than the girls she's taking playing time away from? I guess it could be a combination. Just curious.

If she is, then the girls losing playing time need to get better. If she's not, then the HC owes the team (girls and parents) an explanation as to why they should keep busting their butts while "12th player" seems to skate into the lineup without working as hard. JMHO.

This was my only question too, how good is the kid? I have seen the "benched for no practice (or late to warmups)" rule applied unevenly many times and usually it is directly related to how good the kid plays and when it isn't...it should be :)
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
If there's an arrangement with the parents, just communicate that. That doesn't sound like it's the case here though. We had a girl on our last team who missed a lot of weeknights because of distance. Other parents all knew why and it was not a big deal at all. Ditto on other sports commitments. Just say so and spare the team the drama. I swear 95%of team drama could be prevented by decent communication from coaches.
 

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