how to console a team

this may seem silly, but all my girls left the park in tears the other night after losing "championship" game (10u rec league, 3 teams in our league).

this group really came around last 5-6 games, and really started to get it for the most part, and effort was amazing that night (and we were down best hitter who was also probably best fielder as well) . early in the inning, my DD comes off in tears after 'lining" out to SS (kind of a loopy line drive, not a rocket, but well hit ball for 8 yr old); when final out was made, the batter (pop up to pitcher, tiny 7 yr old, but one of my better players) starts to cry as she comes to dugout, and whole team is in tears as we lineup to shake hands (and or course small delay as other team celebrates, but nothing unsportsmanlike, they actually lined up pretty quick, maybe 45 seconds, but I could tell it seemed like 4 hours to the girls). All through the game (we trailed by anywhere from 1-4 throughout), I had to keep getting their spirits up, and make certain they understood we were right in it.

This played their hearts out, left it all on the field, I could not ask for anything more than they gave, and I told them all through handshakes and medal ceremony, and took them to RF after the game to explain to them again, but nothing seemed to help. I am wondering what else I could have told them. I gave them variations on:

-they played their best, and no shame in the outcome, both teams play to win, but only one can, even if both play well.

-no one individual players' fault, we win as a team, lose as a team. everyone could have made one play differently that might have changed outcome (hit ball one foot to right for base hit rather than out, thrown to P instead of trying for out at home no chance on, etc.)

-this is supposed to be hard, if it was easy, all their classmates (most go to same school) would be doing it and doing it well.

-they all improved so much, as individuals and as a team, and I want to see them all back next season. might not be on my team or even still in this division, but I will see them nonetheless (two DDs in league, so at park probably 3 nights a week).

thinking again of how hard they played that game in particular, and the last 5 or 6 in general, damn allergies. I think they lost by 4 or more they would not have cared so much.

what else can a coach say?

That's tough...
I have no advice - but I sure wish Dd's coach would have team meetings after games - win or lose. He just packs up the dugout and goes on his merry way. No word of congrats or encouragement.

I may not be a good coach, but I stress it at practice, before the game, during that game and after the game that we play this game to
have fun. I have burned it into my kids from the first time they have played. I also stress to them that it's a team game and I expect them
to give it 100 percent all the time and then we go home and I'm your dad and love you.

I prefer not to talk to the kids too much after we lose. I have helped coach the team we are on now for 2 years. outside of a couple of players
that didn't want to be there, these kids give 100 percent every play, every game, every weekend. They make mistakes which we try and work on but
they aren't perfect. I know that any kid would play anywhere we ask and actually have to talk them out of playing sometimes when they are injured.

I think you handled it well. One thing I like to do is talk to the player who made the last out and just stress to them that no one gets a hit every time
up and how if we played tomorrow I would want you back up there in that same spot.

Last year we lost a championship game 3-2 when we had taken lead 2-1 in top of inning. I waited until the next practice and asked them all to raise their hands if they
thought they could have done something different that might have gotten us the game. Every single kid raised their hand. Our C had a PB that let the winning run score but threw out 3 runners at 2nd. Out P struck out 13 and just dominated. Someone else dropped a fly ball in the inning, DD went 0-3 ,etc. I raised my hand and said I cost us a run
by sending a runner I shouldn't have. You could see the look on all their faces when the realized that the didn't cost us the game.

Keep this in mind. DD went to a Nike camp a few years ago. They had them fill out their biggest fear about playing. The number one thing by far was disappointing their parents and coaches when the make a mistake.

I am yet to find the magic words after a big win or tough loss. I have found that cleaning up, a quick circle up to remind them I'm proud of their attitude and effort and when the next practice will be works pretty well. Then I send a text to all the parents telling them when the next practice is and carry on with the season. Coaches talk about what we need to work on and we focus that at the next practice.

first time i did a formal gather round after a game, a couple of times I gathered them for 45 seconds or so right outside dugout, but in many cases, parents are wanting to get out of dodge, especially on school nights. and I know I have about half an hour of packup and put away (bases, lock gates, lights, etc.) once game is over, and impossible for me to start until girls are out of dugout (just to crowded). and a lot of times, I was trying to rush to adjacent field to catch end of my older DD's game (sometimes I even did not pack anything up until both games were over).

I simply couldn't believe entire team was so worked up. my DD sure (hyper competitive, and had a classmate rival on other team), but the rest, kind of took me by surprise. maybe now that dust has settled, I will call each one individually to reinforce how proud I am of all of them.

yeah, regrouping is great idea, but this was end of the season. that is why I might call each one. we may try to have end of season party, but not certain we can get timing to work.

End of the season, lost the championship....

I would say nothing about losing that game. No - you got beat by a good team, no - you really got better.... I would 100% be telling them how damn proud I was / am to be their coach, what a great group of girls they are. How I admire their toughness and hustle... I would stroke every possible good point of those kids, thank them for letting me be their coach and start planning the end of season party

I love what our league does after Championship games....for both boys and girls.

Game ends, and they line-up to tell eachother "good game". Losing team has tears in their eyes, etc.

They hand out the medals. Then, instead of heading to the dugout, the kids head to their respective outfield lines where coolers full of thousands of water balloons are waiting! A 30 minute all-out water balloon battle does wonders for the psyche of a child!!!!

I coach an new "A" level 12U team. For a first year team we are really talented, but also as talented or more is the competition we play. I knew going into this level of competition that wins would not come right away. There would be days we beat teams we shouldn't have and some days we lost to teams we shouldn't have. So, I started telling them at the very beginning that our gauge of success was NOT the score at the end of the game, but how we compared ourselves to the "the game". By this I meant, did we make the plays the game presented. We could win the game 12-0, but still not make the plays the game required. We clap for ourselves when we win the game, then we spend the next 20 min discussing which plays the game required us to make and if we made those and if we didn't how do we improve. Therefore if we make more of the plays the game requires of us, we will win our share. This also goes for how we view other teams. It is easy to by psyced out when a certain team is our opponent, but not when we compare how we played to "the game". This probably won't work as well with 10 yr olds and I still have 13 yr olds shed tears when they loose, but only because they left it all on the field and for the moment, the game has ended, but just for a moment.

Console a man with a Blatz...
Console a kid with a Blizzard...