Red Flags from Prospective Pitcher's Parents

riseball said:

Sounds to me like you got caught with your coaching guard down. Nobody wants to interrogate a kid/family when they are looking for a new team. But sometimes it needs to be done. If you are like me you had the idea that something was amiss. Every time I ignore that inner voice it jumps up and bites me in the butt.

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Yup. I actually had a frank conversation with the dad before arranging the tryout. For me, as soon as he said that he wanted his DD to play with her old team one last weekend to say goodbye, I knew I was being used.

PA SB Dad said:

Yup. I actually had a frank conversation with the dad before arranging the tryout. For me, as soon as he said that he wanted his DD to play with her old team one last weekend to say goodbye, I knew I was being used.

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It is always interesting reading these threads. I understand the struggles and frustrations of most parents out there (I am one too). But I also understand the coaching side of things. What some parents tend to forget while they are focusing on what is best for their DD, is that the coaches need to also factor in what is best for 11 or 12 other DDs. I am very familiar with some organizations/coaches that do not do things the way I do them, and understand why some parents may be tentative. But I am also very familiar with some families that I would never touch no matter how good their DD is, period. This is a two way street....

PA SB Dad - You clearly found yourself in a difficult situation and admit that you will do things differently next time. I have never been in a position that I badly needed a player. If a player is already committed to another team and is looking for a change, I am automatically on the defensive. My very first thought is "if unhappy now and looking, why should I believe the same thing won't happen two weeks after joining my team?" I would be fine offering the player a tryout, but then I would ask her to come to some of our practices and guest in at least one tournament before I would even consider offering her a roster spot. Otherwise I would say "our tryouts for next year will be held on xx, I hope to see you there".

FP26 said:

It is always interesting reading these threads. I understand the struggles and frustrations of most parents out there (I am one too). But I also understand the coaching side of things. What some parents tend to forget while they are focusing on what is best for their DD, is that the coaches need to also factor in what is best for 11 or 12 other DDs. I am very familiar with some organizations/coaches that do not do things the way I do them, and understand why some parents may be tentative. But I am also very familiar with some families that I would never touch no matter how good their DD is, period. This is a two way street....

PA SB Dad - You clearly found yourself in a difficult situation and admit that you will do things differently next time. I have never been in a position that I badly needed a player. If a player is already committed to another team and is looking for a change, I am automatically on the defensive. My very first thought is "if unhappy now and looking, why should I believe the same thing won't happen two weeks after joining my team?" I would be fine offering the player a tryout, but then I would ask her to come to some of our practices and guest in at least one tournament before I would even consider offering her a roster spot. Otherwise I would say "our tryouts for next year will be held on xx, I hope to see you there".

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Is it equally looked down upon when a kid tries out and joins a different team each season?

bmd said:

Is it equally looked down upon when a kid tries out and joins a different team each season?

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I would disagree with this statement...the two things are NOT equal. One is leaving in the middle of a season after you have committed to that team for the season, the other is after your commitment is over and asked to commit again next year saying, no thank you. Two completely different things!!

bmd said:

Is it equally looked down upon when a kid tries out and joins a different team each season?

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Every situation is different, but it is something I would be careful with as a coach. Some coaches are simply interested in placing the best nine on the field, regardless of all other factors. Some coaches pay more attention to other potential "red flags". Earlier in my post I mentioned that I would ask the "new player" to attend a few practices and guest in at least one tournament. This is for two reasons.

1) If this young lady does choose to come to our team, I want to make sure that it is exactly what she wants. Don't make a rash decision. Practice with our players. Play with our players. Then decide.
2) It also gives us an opportunity to meet and work with the player and meet the family. Then if there are any issues, we will simply not offer a full time spot.

edited to add: I agree with dj's post. Leaving a team in the middle of a season is different. There may be legitimate reasons for doing it, but I would want to make sure I have a good understanding of the situation before I would commit a roster spot. Again, each situation is different.

FP26 said:

Every situation is different, but it is something I would be careful with as a coach. Some coaches are simply interested in placing the best nine on the field, regardless of all other factors. Some coaches pay more attention to other potential "red flags". Earlier in my post I mentioned that I would ask the "new player" to attend a few practices and guest in at least one tournament. This is for two reasons.

1) If this young lady does choose to come to our team, I want to make sure that it is exactly what she wants. Don't make a rash decision. Practice with our players. Play with our players. Then decide.
2) It also gives us an opportunity to meet and work with the player and meet the family. Then if there are any issues, we will simply not offer a full time spot.

edited to add: I agree with dj's post. Leaving a team in the middle of a season is different. There may be legitimate reasons for doing it, but I would want to make sure I have a good understanding of the situation before I would commit a roster spot. Again, each situation is different.

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I agree. I just thought I would throw that question out there. I know of a kid that does this....another parent whispers to me "you never know where and when that kid is going to pop up". I thought to myself as long as they honor their commitments.... whats wrong with that. That's the beauty of travel ball. Options for everyone.... the player and the coach.....

Can you tell me why wanting one final weekend with her old team is a red flag? I get that you were right about these parents so there must be something to it. It doesn't sound unreasonable on the surface - was it the combo of all the other things?

I'll field that one. Most times that a player wants to play one last tournament with a team according to the parents is simply because the parents have now thought they have leverage (some other team to go to) and can extort more pitching, catching, fielding time or move them up in the batting order to satisfy the parent`s ego. The last time that happened to us, we told them, "go and good luck!" She's been trying to get back on the team ever since. The grass is usually greener on the other side of the fence because its usually fed with Bullsh1t.

That makes sense. I wouldn't have thought about that, I would just think it was sweet that she wanted to have one last go with her buds. This is how I got hoodwinked in the fall. Not so savvy on this softball stuff but I'm getting there.

grcsftbll said:

That makes sense. I wouldn't have thought about that, I would just think it was sweet that she wanted to have one last go with her buds. This is how I got hoodwinked in the fall. Not so savvy on this softball stuff but I'm getting there.

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When it comes to running a team it is important to treat it like a business not a social club. You are their coach, not their friend. Kind of like being a parent where if your kid is your best friend, things are not going to go well.