A coaching conundrum, on a serious note

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Jul 10, 2014
1,283
0
C-bus Ohio
So I'm coaching 7th grade MS with 16 girls. There's a long thread about whether or not I should keep or cut, not the point of this post.

DD plays for me, but she's been injured and has only played in 1 game out of 14.

Many of the girls play for community-select level teams, and are utterly resistant to anything I might teach them that contradicts or is different from what their other coaches say.

I have had playing time issues, with some girls missing a lot of practices (other sports mostly) and so missing a lot of playing time. Others have missed games, which is a straightforward 1 game "suspension," which is, I sit them for the next game.

Starting spots have been a sore spot as well, with some changes made on the fly - which was explained to the girls at the outset.

So, what I have is a girl who I believe is angry with me because she's been benched for missing games, and goes out of her way to contradict me whenever she thinks she can get away with it. I've explained to the team that if I correct someone on a technique or a play, and they turn around and say stuff like "Don't worry, you did it right," they're not only not helping their teammate, their hurting them and the team. Not a huge issue, but constant.

This same girl is the ringleader for all the weak-willed followers, and she is now leading them in picking on DD. DD has shown admirable restraint, in that she's only yelled at her when losing her temper instead of the usual punch in the nose (DD takes only so much sh!t). It came to a head in PE today again, where DD lost her cool and stormed out of class (as much as she can storm on a bum knee).

My conundrum: As coach, I have not witnessed any of this behavior. I only have the word of others, including DD. I know this other little princess well, I've coached her for 5 years now. I know her parents. I know the parents of the followers. I'm torn on a proper reaction. The dad in me wants to call out the parents, the coach in me wants to be the impartial observer/judge/enforcer.

What say you?

EDIT: This same girl led a complaint attack on me to the school, as well, stuff like deliberately misstating things I've told them. She even convinced some girls to complain about stuff that happened on our rec team last season. Had to have a sit-down with the AD and principal. Probably won't be asked back next season unless I can get some help from the parents.
 
Last edited:
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
Sounds like you need a public hanging to restore order. I immediately would cut out the cancer that is affecting your team. If you know that you cannot fix the situation, so she must go. No player is bigger than the team.
 
Jul 10, 2014
1,283
0
C-bus Ohio
Sounds like you need a public hanging to restore order. I immediately would cut out the cancer that is affecting your team. If you know that you cannot fix the situation, so she must go. No player is bigger than the team.

Top of my list for fixes, but we only have 2 games left. Not sure how that would work, and I'm already on thin ice (see edit above).
 
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
Top of my list for fixes, but we only have 2 games left. Not sure how that would work, and I'm already on thin ice (see edit above).

All the more reason to send her on her way. Either the school is going to support you or not. If you are asked back it will only be more of the same next season.
 
Feb 7, 2013
3,188
48
It's disappointing that 7th graders don't have respect for teachers, coaches, even parents and develop these mean spirited cliques. Since there are only 2 games left, I wouldn't take serious action now (unless its unbearable) but definitely cut this girl (or group of girls) next season. 16 is too many for a MS team anyways (or any school team), IMO and can only help contribute to a growing problem with this team.
 
Feb 3, 2011
1,880
48
So I'm coaching 7th grade MS with 16 girls. There's a long thread about whether or not I should keep or cut, not the point of this post.

DD plays for me, but she's been injured and has only played in 1 game out of 14.

Many of the girls play for community-select level teams, and are utterly resistant to anything I might teach them that contradicts or is different from what their other coaches say.

I have had playing time issues, with some girls missing a lot of practices (other sports mostly) and so missing a lot of playing time. Others have missed games, which is a straightforward 1 game "suspension," which is, I sit them for the next game.

Starting spots have been a sore spot as well, with some changes made on the fly - which was explained to the girls at the outset.

So, what I have is a girl who I believe is angry with me because she's been benched for missing games, and goes out of her way to contradict me whenever she thinks she can get away with it. I've explained to the team that if I correct someone on a technique or a play, and they turn around and say stuff like "Don't worry, you did it right," they're not only not helping their teammate, their hurting them and the team. Not a huge issue, but constant.

This same girl is the ringleader for all the weak-willed followers, and she is now leading them in picking on DD. DD has shown admirable restraint, in that she's only yelled at her when losing her temper instead of the usual punch in the nose (DD takes only so much sh!t). It came to a head in PE today again, where DD lost her cool and stormed out of class (as much as she can storm on a bum knee).

My conundrum: As coach, I have not witnessed any of this behavior. I only have the word of others, including DD. I know this other little princess well, I've coached her for 5 years now. I know her parents. I know the parents of the followers. I'm torn on a proper reaction. The dad in me wants to call out the parents, the coach in me wants to be the impartial observer/judge/enforcer.

What say you?

EDIT: This same girl led a complaint attack on me to the school, as well, stuff like deliberately misstating things I've told them. She even convinced some girls to complain about stuff that happened on our rec team last season. Had to have a sit-down with the AD and principal. Probably won't be asked back next season unless I can get some help from the parents.
This is the result of a culture where parents have put their ridiculously spoiled kids in charge of them, where parents are asking permission from their kids to discipline them, begging them to do chores, and absolving their perfect little snowflakes whenever they've done wrong....without accountability.

While the at-school stuff is bothersome, it's fair to consider that information in confirming what you already know you need to do, even though you did not witness it. Don't sit her on the team's bench for the remainder of the season. If she wants to watch the team, she can watch from the stands. I don't know why she was allowed to be on the team this year, but if a 6th-grader is that conniving, I don't want her anywhere near the people I'm responsible for coaching and mentoring.
 
Oct 22, 2009
1,532
0
PA
You have to get rid of the bottom third. You will still have enough to finish the season:

[video=youtube_share;SXQ2MdlwHrI]http://youtu.be/SXQ2MdlwHrI[/video]
 
Oct 30, 2014
292
18
Seattle
Momo's dad hit the nail on the head - this problem almost always starts with the parents. If they complain about you to their daughter or support their daughter's complaints there is really nothing you can do but cut them. Like you said you may be too late this season but I agree you might as well make a point to cut her while you can and not let her come to practice or in the dugout.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
My conundrum: As coach, I have not witnessed any of this behavior. I only have the word of others, including DD.

You can cut her and others, but since you've already been called into the AD's office to explain, you'd get called in again to explain the latest. And then you're left to admit that you have not witnessed many of the reasons for which you're cutting the player(s).

That's not to say you shouldn't cut her. But the ultimate solution - being the head coach of a team of girls with good attitudes who buy into what you're doing - will be difficult to attain this season or next, at this point. Sorry it's turned out this way.

I've seen this kind of stuff on DD's high school team this season. DD has reported players showing disrespect to the coaches behind their backs, or criticizing other players, etc. Coaches are fairly oblivious to it. I think it's important to address this stuff in the way of rules stated in pre-season - Players cannot criticize coaches or other players. They will not do or say or act in any way that brings negativity onto the team. Then give them examples of what you mean, and tell them the consequences.

I was about to conclude this HS season that it was more of a teenager thing (the disrespect toward coaches, since younger kids tend to respect/trust coaches), but maybe not.

I'll also add that there are certain battles that are very difficult to win when it comes to demanding that players change certain things. These players do have TB coaches and private instructors. I'm curious what kinds of things that this one girl is rebelling against.
 

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