A coaching conundrum, on a serious note

djcarter1966 · May 9, 2016

I would probably not do anything with two games left, rotate the girl in like you normally would and just be glad the season is over.

I would however sit down with the parents and the girl after the season...you said you have known them for five years and have a heart to heart with them. Let them know when the girls were younger it was more about having fun and enjoying the game and learning and growing but it is time to make the transition, because of our previous relationship I probably let too many things go and did not put my foot down at the very beginning, with everything that happened this year I don't know if I will be back next year but I can promise you that when your DD gets to HS their will be ZERO tolerance for any kind of attitude, talking back or undermining the coach...you will be benched if coach is nice and after a second chance if you are lucky cut from the team if it happens again and the AD and principal won't take your word over the coach.

BuckeyeGuy · May 9, 2016

djcarter1966 said:
I would probably not do anything with two games left, rotate the girl in like you normally would and just be glad the season is over.

I would however sit down with the parents and the girl after the season...you said you have known them for five years and have a heart to heart with them. Let them know when the girls were younger it was more about having fun and enjoying the game and learning and growing but it is time to make the transition, because of our previous relationship I probably let too many things go and did not put my foot down at the very beginning, with everything that happened this year I don't know if I will be back next year but I can promise you that when your DD gets to HS their will be ZERO tolerance for any kind of attitude, talking back or undermining the coach...you will be benched if coach is nice and after a second chance if you are lucky cut from the team if it happens again and the AD and principal won't take your word over the coach.

This is an excellent idea. Definitely going to run with it. Thanks!

Little Angels Softball · May 9, 2016

djcarter1966 said:
I would probably not do anything with two games left, rotate the girl in like you normally would and just be glad the season is over.

I would however sit down with the parents and the girl after the season...you said you have known them for five years and have a heart to heart with them. Let them know when the girls were younger it was more about having fun and enjoying the game and learning and growing but it is time to make the transition, because of our previous relationship I probably let too many things go and did not put my foot down at the very beginning, with everything that happened this year I don't know if I will be back next year but I can promise you that when your DD gets to HS their will be ZERO tolerance for any kind of attitude, talking back or undermining the coach...you will be benched if coach is nice and after a second chance if you are lucky cut from the team if it happens again and the AD and principal won't take your word over the coach.

I think this is a very valid way of handling the situation in a school ball setting. ^^^^

However, if you want to mix in a little bit of travel ball wisdom, I'll try to impart some of mine:

Having only two games left is the perfect time to cut her. You have lost control of the situation through your own actions and the only way you are going to regain control is by doing something that gets everyone's attention.

You either have a set or you don't. If you do, take control. If you don't, please hand over the reins to someone who does.

djcarter1966 · May 9, 2016

Little Angels Softball said:
I think this is a very valid way of handling the situation in a school ball setting. ^^^^

However, if you want to mix in a little bit of travel ball wisdom, I'll try to impart some of mine:

Having only two games left is the perfect time to cut her. You have lost control of the situation through your own actions and the only way you are going to regain control is by doing something that gets everyone's attention.

You either have a set or you don't. If you do, take control. If you don't, please hand over the reins to someone who does.

Exactly why I suggest to not do anything; it's not the kids fault she got away with things from day one but now to change the rules is pretty crappy, NOW if this was halfway through the season and you let everyone know things have gotten off track and from now on these are the expectations fine but with two games left sound like you are just a ticked off coach that through your own fault things got out of control and you are taking it out on the kid (even if they deserve it)

BuckeyeGuy · May 9, 2016

djcarter1966 said:
Exactly why I suggest to not do anything; it's not the kids fault she got away with things from day one but now to change the rules is pretty crappy, NOW if this was halfway through the season and you let everyone know things have gotten off track and from now on these are the expectations fine but with two games left sound like you are just a ticked off coach that through your own fault things got out of control and you are taking it out on the kid (even if they deserve it)

With you on this - I already had the "I screwed up, I apologize, here's what we're doing from this point forward" discussion with them, but we're at the very end of the season and it would look like selective enforcement even though it's not. Seems to me I need to ride this out, have a chat with the families of problem kids (it's more than one), and have a sit down with the AD.

55dad · May 9, 2016

CoogansBluff said:
While I wouldn't necessarily do it this way, I can understand a coach having a policy that says that the starting lineup will consist of players who attended every practice since the last game. That doesn't mean anyone is getting 'benched' or punished. To say you are benched presumes there is a set starting lineup. Coach views the lineup as game to game, no presumptions. It could be that a coach has found this to work better than having to decide what is and isn't an excusable absence. You can open a can of worms when you allow some and not others. There are lots of academic opportunities that students could choose over practice. Which ones are valid? Which ones aren't? My DD didn't start a game last year because she was sick and missed school/practice the prior day. I was salty at first because she had spent the previous weekend practicing on her own. But as I've watched school sports more and more, I can see that point of view.

There is a lot more to the story. Coach had been told many times to work with the other activities. DD1 was assured by the principal and AD that the coach would not bench her and he still did. She sat a game and it was no big deal. The big deal was that the coach just disregarded the administrators. He is no longer coaching the team and we are not having these issues.

cvsoftball · May 9, 2016

I learned awhile ago that's it's easier to start as a hardass and then ease up than the other way around. I learned that if a player can do what I want her to do using a different technique that the one I teach, I'm OK with that. I learned that players who don't buy in and don't get better don't play as much as those that do. Finally, I learned not to tell a player do this or that or else but to give them the option of choosing between accepting my leadership or finding another sport.

djcarter1966 · May 10, 2016

55dad said:
There is a lot more to the story. Coach had been told many times to work with the other activities. DD1 was assured by the principal and AD that the coach would not bench her and he still did. She sat a game and it was no big deal. The big deal was that the coach just disregarded the administrators. He is no longer coaching the team and we are not having these issues.

The coach is representing the SCHOOL if the school has a policy that certain other school activities are not to be counted as absences then that is the coach not obeying his boss and getting called to the carpet...the big thing I don't understand is there is usually a student handbook that spells everything out or at least a code of conduct that all parents and students sign BEFORE the season starts, all this kind of issues should be spelled out in writing ahead of time!! it would save a lot of heartache down the road

NVfishing · May 10, 2016

Not sure if your able to limit team size but 16 players will kill a team every time. Limit your active group to 12. Playing time will be easier to manage. If the other 4 girls want to be part of the team then have them come to practice but let them know they will be alternates in the event one of the 12 can't make it.

55dad · May 10, 2016

djcarter1966 said:
The coach is representing the SCHOOL if the school has a policy that certain other school activities are not to be counted as absences then that is the coach not obeying his boss and getting called to the carpet...the big thing I don't understand is there is usually a student handbook that spells everything out or at least a code of conduct that all parents and students sign BEFORE the season starts, all this kind of issues should be spelled out in writing ahead of time!! it would save a lot of heartache down the road

Unfortunately things were not that clearly laid out.

A coaching conundrum, on a serious note

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