Smh....at a loss

For reference, I'm AC of a 10U rec team. Earlier tonight, I got a call from a parent frantic that "my dd's swing is broken and I can't fix it". Our end of the season tourney is coming up soon and she has put all of this pressure on her dd to hit off of a pitcher (only hits this season have been off of coach pitch). The girl just wants to have fun (loves building castles during the game)....not be a diehard softball player. I'm ok with that. It's rec. So she (the parent) goes "your dd's improvement is apparent. what did you do? can it be worked out before the tourney? really want my dd to get hits and feel great about herself". I asked if her dd shows any interest in practicing at home and the answer was "not really". I then told her that there was nothing "magic" I did with dd. Mostly reps and HER passion to play the sport she fell in love with. I'm just along for the ride. She didn't like that answer. I tried again by asking her what her dd did today after completing homework for FUN. She said "played world of warcraft, but only because it had rained and was pretty cold outside". I replied. My DD drug me out of the WARM house to work on her release point on her throws and then wanted to start working on drag bunt footwork. Basically, her dd likes to play softball. My dd NEEDS to play softball (for now, that could very easily change at anytime and I'm ok with that....I think lol).

I tend to be a tad blunt as DW tells me all the time, but I'm not unteachable. You guys and gals with more experience coaching, how do you handle something like that? From my perspective, the dd DOES NOT CARE. It's the parent who is trying to make the dd "look good".

Sounds like you nailed it on the head! I understand the parent's frustration to some degree b/c my DD has natural talent, whereas, in 4 years of baseball, my DS just never "got it." He didn't object to playing, but there was zero passion there. I asked last year if he wanted to sign up again and he was like "nah." I felt mixed emotions because he had improved during that last season and his coach was so encouraging wanting him to sign up again, but on the other hand, it was like "Oh, thank God!" because it was really painful to watch.

Love kids who have a passion for practice, but I will have to admit that about 98.2% of our "bucket time" was initiated by DW or myself. DD does not mind practicing once we get going, but she did not come home from school begging to go pitch in the yard.....so just because someone's DD is not overly enthusiastic about practicing, does not mean there is not long term potential.

Even kids who love to play typically need at least some prodding and encouragement to practice. Especially if they've been at it for a few years. Part of it is that 10,11,12 year olds simply don't have a good handle on time management or the family schedule. I may know that DD has evening activities the next 3 nights and has to practice tonight to get it in, she generally has no idea. As a Rec league president I get these questions all the time (especially because my DD's are good players). Parents have to be told that there is no substitute for hard work, practice AND parental involvement. They want to pay someone for a lesson and be done. That's great, an instructor can help but you still have to dig it out of the dirt the old fashioned way. I tell them that an instructor can show their kid how to hit or pitch but they really have to learn to do it on their own time.

Don't discount a kid because she doesn't have the drive to practice as much as another. It still boils down to how the parent is reacting and acting. No kid, not even one of the motivated ones, wants to leave a warm house and go outside into the cold to be told she sucks. It sounds to me like Mom is putting lots of pressure on the kid to make Mom feel better. According to you the kid enjoys the games, but does not excel. Same kid will enjoy practice as long as she is not forced to feel bad about not being great. And with all that practice improvement will happen and perhaps she will excel. Just keep doing what you do and it will work itself out.

And on another note I question the judgment any parent who thinks World of Warcraft is a suitable game for a kid under 10 to be playing,

I have two DDs who have successful fastpitch pitching and playing "careers". The rub, they work much less harder at it than anyone I know about. Yesterday I ran into a pitcher who is competing with my DD for the ace of the varsity pitching staff for next year. She's working out with weights, etc., going to pitching clinics, etc.. My DD has been lazy, relaxing, watching TV. On the other hand, both my DDs are getting exciting to start some hitting instruction and pitching instruction next month.

With their success, it's been hard to convince them of the value of hard work. I tell my DD that these girls who are putting in all this work are going to surpass you. She'll say, "It hasn't happened, yet!" True enough. So, I have backed way off on any but minor encouragement to put in additional softball practice. It, really, is in their hands and for them to decided. Since I made the decision to do it that way my life has been a lot more relaxed.

chinamigarden said:

Don't discount a kid because she doesn't have the drive to practice as much as another. It still boils down to how the parent is reacting and acting. No kid, not even one of the motivated ones, wants to leave a warm house and go outside into the cold to be told she sucks. It sounds to me like Mom is putting lots of pressure on the kid to make Mom feel better. According to you the kid enjoys the games, but does not excel. Same kid will enjoy practice as long as she is not forced to feel bad about not being great. And with all that practice improvement will happen and perhaps she will excel. Just keep doing what you do and it will work itself out.

And on another note I question the judgment any parent who thinks World of Warcraft is a suitable game for a kid under 10 to be playing,

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So much yes! As a child psychologist, I could tell you some stories, but I'll spare you.

JAD said:

just because someone's DD is not overly enthusiastic about practicing, does not mean there is not long term potential.

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Wasn't my intention to suggest this, but I can see how it could be taken like that. Her dd is brand new to softball and likes to socialize more than play. Parent wants the dd to "be a beast" and she simply doesn't want it. From my perspective, it's better to let her have fun and let softball be to her what SHE wants it to be. If I go postal or demand intense commitment from a giddy 9 yo playing softball for the first time, she won't want to come back. My desire is that all 10 girls on our team feel better about themselves and the sport at the end of the season than they did at the beginning of the season. I don't see how making her GO HAM when she isn't there is in her long term OR short term best interests. That's what I was trying to (and probably failed at) conveying to the parent.

Axe said:

Even kids who love to play typically need at least some prodding and encouragement to practice. Especially if they've been at it for a few years. Part of it is that 10,11,12 year olds simply don't have a good handle on time management or the family schedule. I may know that DD has evening activities the next 3 nights and has to practice tonight to get it in, she generally has no idea. As a Rec league president I get these questions all the time (especially because my DD's are good players). Parents have to be told that there is no substitute for hard work, practice AND parental involvement. They want to pay someone for a lesson and be done. That's great, an instructor can help but you still have to dig it out of the dirt the old fashioned way. I tell them that an instructor can show their kid how to hit or pitch but they really have to learn to do it on their own time.

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That's another thing. She asked me if a hitting and pitching instructor would be beneficial for her. I told her "imo no. She just wants to have fun. You'll do better playing catch with her and let it evolve from there". You'd think I was a 5 eyed-alien or something based on her reaction. She seemed to think throwing money at it will "convert" her child into Lauren Haeger.

I think your advice is pretty good. I think that some parents thinks there is some sort of trick to getting better, but
there isn't. While some kids might be naturally pretty good and get by on that, most players that are good work at it.

It's the same with hitting, throwing, catching and pitching.

The only think I might have said to the parent if I had time is "I'd be glad to meet at xx time and work on it with her if you
can field balls,etc." Something to make her put some effort into it. If you figure at 90 minute rec practice you have 10 kids that's
only 9 minutes a kid. If you work for 45 minutes 1 on 1 that's 5 practices.

I have it both ways with my kids. My DD always put in the extra time on things she needed to work on and she plays A TB. My son although
small has a good amount of talent and is a decent rec ball player because he does other things and doesn't want to put the time in. He still
loves to play, just not enough to work extra on it.