Do I coach or not?

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Jun 18, 2013
322
18
I have a situation that I wasn't expecting that I could really use some advice on.

Background information first for a refresher. My DD is a 2004 that has not played travel softball yet. She had a very negative experience at the first tryout she ever attended before her first 10U year and it has taken until now for her to be ready to try it again. She is aging up to 12U now and it is time. She has completely outgrown rec ball. I have coached her rec softball teams for the last 6 years. Before that, I coached my son's baseball teams until he was middle school age and I have also coached her travel basketball team for the last 4 years.

Last night, I got a call from a coach that has put together an organization that is connected with one of the High Schools a few towns over because he needs a 12U coach. He coaches one of the 10U teams and currently has 2 10U, an 8U, and is putting a 14U team together in addition to having 5 girls that have committed to playing with his organization for 12U. His younger teams have all been very successful and the girls we talked about that would be on the 12U sound like a very solid base to start with. He shares my philosophy on coaching being more about teaching at practices and managing at games and was extremely positive during our discussion. All told, I was very excited about the prospect and so was my DD after she walked in on me and heard what I was talking about.

Today, I got a call from the largest organization in our hometown. She tried out Sunday and we didn't hear back from them like we were told to expect. They told me that she made the team their 2004 team, but they don't know who is going to coach it yet. This organization is much closer to home and has a proven record of getting girls scholarship money. This organization is also the one that almost shut her down from softball entirely 2 years ago at the bad tryout. She has struggled to find a team locally because she didn't play 10U so none of the travel coaches knew her and we have been going to tryouts blind then finding out that they only had 1 or 2 spots to fill. I have had two different coaches offer to try to help me find her a team, but so far nobody has had any open spots for new 12U players.

My choices are, do I jump in and coach a new 12U team with a new organization or do I hand over the reins to a known organization with an unknown coach?
 
Last edited:
Nov 6, 2013
771
16
Baja, AZ
Tough call. Assuming you WANT to coach and assuming your DD WANTS YOU to coach, the pros of either choice seem equal to the cons. Good Luck!
 
Jun 18, 2013
322
18
Tough call. Assuming you WANT to coach and assuming your DD WANTS YOU to coach, the pros of either choice seem equal to the cons. Good Luck!

I guess I should have included that in the OP. I LOVE coaching, I would do it professionally if I could make the same money as I do as a software engineer, and my DD was thrilled about a chance for me to still be her coach. However, I am not ignorant to the fact that she needs to start learning to take coaching from other people at this age.
 
May 13, 2015
13
1
NorCal
At that age, I think the quality of the coaching outweighs almost everything else, so I would have a very hard time allowing my DD to commit to a team without knowing who the coaches will be.
 

Ken Krause

Administrator
Admin
May 7, 2008
3,911
113
Mundelein, IL
Look at it this way. What do you think one more negative experience will do to her softball career?

How are the coaches at the other levels in the local organization? Maybe you can figure out if the coach who put her off was an outlier with them, or more like the standard. That should give you an indication too of what they're looking for in their new coach.
 
A few things I would consider:

1. Do you think you can make all the girls on a 12U travel team keep getting better for an entire year? Two years?

2. By your own admission, none of the travel teams know her, yet she still made the team. Is it possible that she just wasn't ready back then and the big org coaches were right, but they saw she is ready now so they overlooked the fact that she had tried out before and not made their team?

3. Can you put your name in the hat to be an assistant on the local team?
 
Aug 26, 2011
1,285
0
Houston, Texas
I have a situation that I wasn't expecting that I could really use some advice on.

Background information first for a refresher. My DD is a 2004 that has not played travel softball yet. She had a very negative experience at the first tryout she ever attended before her first 10U year and it has taken until now for her to be ready to try it again. She is aging up to 12U now and it is time. She has completely outgrown rec ball. I have coached her rec softball teams for the last 6 years. Before that, I coached my son's baseball teams until he was middle school age and I have also coached her travel basketball team for the last 4 years.

Last night, I got a call from a coach that has put together an organization that is connected with one of the High Schools a few towns over because he needs a 12U coach. He coaches one of the 10U teams and currently has 2 10U, an 8U, and is putting a 14U team together in addition to having 5 girls that have committed to playing with his organization for 12U. His younger teams have all been very successful and the girls we talked about that would be on the 12U sound like a very solid base to start with. He shares my philosophy on coaching being more about teaching at practices and managing at games and was extremely positive during our discussion. All told, I was very excited about the prospect and so was my DD after she walked in on me and heard what I was talking about.

Today, I got a call from the largest organization in our hometown. She tried out Sunday and we didn't hear back from them like we were told to expect. They told me that she made the team their 2004 team, but they don't know who is going to coach it yet. This organization is much closer to home and has a proven record of getting girls scholarship money. This organization is also the one that almost shut her down from softball entirely 2 years ago at the bad tryout. She has struggled to find a team locally because she didn't play 10U so none of the travel coaches knew her and we have been going to tryouts blind then finding out that they only had 1 or 2 spots to fill. I have had two different coaches offer to try to help me find her a team, but so far nobody has had any open spots for new 12U players.

My choices are, do I jump in and coach a new 12U team with a new organization or do I hand over the reins to a known organization with an unknown coach?

Tough call...

1) You say a few towns over...how far is this? Is it worth time/distance to pursue?

2) Local team - put your name in hat to coach 12U team and see what they say...can't hurt.

3) Have you coached 12 12 year old girls before? Different from coaching boys in baseball, I think. Just think about that before you jump both feet in. :cool:

Good luck. :)
 
Jun 18, 2013
322
18
Look at it this way. What do you think one more negative experience will do to her softball career?

How are the coaches at the other levels in the local organization? Maybe you can figure out if the coach who put her off was an outlier with them, or more like the standard. That should give you an indication too of what they're looking for in their new coach.

One more negative experience now would be a speed bump. She is stronger emotionally and knows for a fact that she loves softball. At 9, she wasn't so sure and she wasn't confident enough to handle the issue. The big concern is that the negativity came from the guy that runs the organization. He got the girls together and spoke to them in a very drill sergeant manner. He told them that they needed to decide that they were going to commit to softball and give up other sports and activities. She cried the entire way home because she loves basketball and I told her that she would not have to make that decision for a VERY long time and if any coach that was not offering her a scholarship to college ever told her she did that we would find another coach.

I have been told by several people that I know very well and trust that we caught him on a bad day and I am willing to trust their opinions. That said, I need to know who is coaching to decide for sure.

A few things I would consider:

1. Do you think you can make all the girls on a 12U travel team keep getting better for an entire year? Two years?

2. By your own admission, none of the travel teams know her, yet she still made the team. Is it possible that she just wasn't ready back then and the big org coaches were right, but they saw she is ready now so they overlooked the fact that she had tried out before and not made their team?

3. Can you put your name in the hat to be an assistant on the local team?

1) Yes, for a few reasons. I am smart enough to know that I don't know everything so I do my best to get help and research ways to teach. I genuinely get invested in all of my kids that I coach. Probably most importantly, I have learned through the years of coaching a fairly high level of basketball how to run an efficient practice without keeping the kids tied down to one place.

2) I don't think she was quite ready at 10U. I think she would have been overwhelmed by the process. The tryouts I was referencing have all been in the last 2 months. She has definitely gotten more comfortable at tryouts but the improvement hasn't been that big.

3) I intend to have that conversation with them.

Tough call...

1) You say a few towns over...how far is this? Is it worth time/distance to pursue?

2) Local team - put your name in hat to coach 12U team and see what they say...can't hurt.

3) Have you coached 12 12 year old girls before? Different from coaching boys in baseball, I think. Just think about that before you jump both feet in. :cool:

Good luck. :)

1) 1 hr. The time/distance is a minor issue though. I am currently interviewing with companies there anyway and my parents and younger sister live there. My wife and I have already discussed moving over there when my DS graduates in 2016 so the location wouldn't be a major concern.

2) see above

3) Yeah. I've coached 13 10 year old girls at once on our basketball team, which was a pure mistake in recruiting, and survived it. In all honesty, coaching girls has always been easier than coaching boys for me. Boys tend to project that macho competitive drive at this age but my experience has been that a lot of them are faking it. The girls that I have coached at this age are out there working and competing because the drive is real so they are easier to motivate.
 
Jun 18, 2013
322
18
I appreciate the input. I decided to do the smartest thing and ask my DW. DD is playing for the local team.
 

JAD

Feb 20, 2012
8,231
38
Georgia
What position does your DD play? If she is a pitcher my advice would be to step up and coach, or at least become an assistant. While I am not going to claim to be a great coach, I also thought it was my responsibility to help my DD succeed and the best way I know to do that is to be involved. Same could be said for other positions, but I think it is most important for pitcher. Plus if I am already in the dugout no one seems to get upset about between inning "chats"....
 

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