Head butting with daughter?
- Thread starter JoeS
- Start date
Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch
Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.
- Jun 7, 2013
- 984
- 0
I have two DDs, 14 and 16, and my first piece of advice is to not butt heads. In other words, if she doesn't want to practice softball, take advice from you, etc., you drop it. It's not worth damaging your relationship over softball, which you will if you force.
This, however, does not mean that you don't encourage her or offer her opportunities to improve. These are just suggestions and not commands.
When I coach my DDs within a team situation, I often have another coach give her the advice that I would like to give. It seems to me that when it's coming from me she would take it as criticism. If it comes from another coach it is advice.
I have backed way off on strongly suggesting to my DDs what they should do concerning softball. The interesting thing is that they seem more self-motivated and do more.
This, however, does not mean that you don't encourage her or offer her opportunities to improve. These are just suggestions and not commands.
When I coach my DDs within a team situation, I often have another coach give her the advice that I would like to give. It seems to me that when it's coming from me she would take it as criticism. If it comes from another coach it is advice.
I have backed way off on strongly suggesting to my DDs what they should do concerning softball. The interesting thing is that they seem more self-motivated and do more.
- Jun 18, 2013
- 322
- 18
I have done this numerous times with other coaches in both softball and basketball from both sides of the parent/coach divide. I have watched so many dads try to give their daughters great advice and see it go straight through with no chance of it being retained. I usually let it settle for a few minutes and then approach the dad and tell them that I will back him up on it at the next opportunity. It is remarkable how much the kids will listen to an outside voice but can never hear it coming from dad.
My husband had a talk with each of our kids that he coached about separating "dad" from "coach" and they had a way to know if he was talking to them directly or to the team in general. (If he called them by their number, it was something for the team. By their name, it was specifically for them.) That helped them to understand the difference in relationships.
Yeah....
First read this:
http://www.discussfastpitch.com/softball-pitching/24761-just-me.html#post33826
Especially read Sluggers post. It about sums it up perfectly.
Once they stop listening, you have to transition to your DD leading it at home - totally different dynamic.
Good luck.
Another way to go about it is to set time aside for practicing at home. Talk to her about what HER goals are and what she wants to improve, agree on how much time that'll take out of practice. Say you agree to hit 3 days a week for half an hour and every sunday you sit down and commit to times that work best for you both. That way going in one is not dragging the other, already starting on a good note. When you're working keep it simple, one correction at a time, and at the end ask what she thinks she needs to work on. The more she feels in control the more she'll enjoy it. Also, video her ever so often and compare to good hitters. Video doesn't lie.
WARRIORMIKE
Pro-Staff Everything
OH so you want to eat dinner tonight?? Then you better do as I say!! Oh you like your phone? 100 laps around the park!! Motivation works everytime!! LMAO
Ok so not that severe, but I do reward her with money or stuff she likes to keep her motivated.
Ok so not that severe, but I do reward her with money or stuff she likes to keep her motivated.
- Jun 12, 2015
- 3,848
- 83
We don't do rewards or punishments at our house much at all. My dd wants to pitch. We've told her if she wants a chance, she has to practice. She's a great short stop which requires less practice, no problem if she decides to focus on that. Softball is her deal. It's her life. We'll push her to an extent and encourage her but in the end it's her choice what to do with her natural talent. She can just go to team practices and be good or she can work hard and be great. I'm fine either way.
- Oct 25, 2009
- 3,335
- 48
Instruct at practice; practice at home. Quite a bit of difference between instructing and practicing. Ask (don't coerce) her if she wants to practice. Don't butt heads with your DD! Home should be home sweet home!
