Head butting with daughter?
- Thread starter JoeS
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Ehh... Take what you can get. Any positive practice, even if in her strong suit is a good thing. If shes creating bad habits then say something but other than that I wouldn't stress. Keep communication open and ask her about her desire to improve. If she wants to I'm still a big fan of making a plan ahead of time. For example if you slowly plant in her head she could use work hitting the outside pitch and one day she agrees make a plan to hit off the tee outside the next day. Again, if she doesn't want to hitting down the middle isn't a bad thing.
At practice make her hit outside pitches mwahaha.
My DD is the same way. Speaking to other dads I feel like most have the same issues. She loves softball and will practice for hours but doesn't want to take instruction from me. She says it always sounds like I'm yelling at her, even when I really am just talking (and not yelling). For hitting, when she was that age I ended up having to just bring her to a hitting coach and then practice with her what the hitting coach has told her. Its much better for our relationship if I just play with her and support her without really offering instruction. I let her ask me whats wrong if she feels like there is a problem but am overly careful as to not sound I am criticizing her. If I had to describe it, its more of a very laid back approach with just focusing on having fun spending time with her.
Luckily she is pretty good now and I don't have to bring her to a hitting coach anymore because she can work on self correcting if she thinks there is an issue. Usually I just remind her on what her hitting instructor says to do instead of instructing her directly.
It really goes too fast. Enjoy the time now.
DD#1, I had absolutely no issues coaching, practicing or instructing. We worked great together and still do.
DD#2 is an absolutely different story. I could tell in t-ball that there were going to be some issues and when it finally came to butting heads with DD#2 (well after t-ball), I quit coaching her team and I quit giving her private instruction. I still practice with her everyday when she needs my help and some days she practices with DD#1. I pay for private instruction in both hitting and pitching, even though I provide private lessons in hitting to others. DD#2 responds so much better to other coaches and if I see her having issues, I will let the coach(es) know what I see as issues and let them address it as they see fit. I still correct some minor things or tell her why she missed on a pitch or popped a ball up when we are practicing at home. It really has made life and softball so much more enjoyable for both of us and I have no regrets. I still stay involved some or as much as a coach wants me to without having to coach on the field. As she has gotten older, she has started asking me for help correcting things she might be struggling with and when she asks, I instruct.
I know it may be a hard pill for you to swallow but if it turns to head butting the only option you may have is not "coaching" your DD. Trust me, you are not alone in this and there are different levels of issues. I have five coaches' kids that take hitting lessons from me right now. I am not telling these kids anything different than their dads/moms have been but all five seem to respond better to my hitting instruction.
- Jun 7, 2013
- 984
- 0
I have, mostly, removed myself from spending a lot of time coaching my DDs. I've got them some good coaches and instructors now. They may say the same things that I did but they are more apt to get listened to from someone else. As a result, our relationship is a lot less stressful. And another thing is that I usually don't say much when a correction is required. I video them on my iPhone 6 with the 240 fps and say, "If you want to see how you looked pitching/hitting today, check out my phone." They can review it, if the like, and self-correct without me saying a word. Much more peaceful and stress free!
- Jul 4, 2013
- 127
- 43
Mine is 11 too. I stop short of calling myself a coach, but I help her coaches at practice. She has played different sports a long time, and I have believed that I had helpful advice to share for a lot of it. What started with a lot of head butting between us is much better but not perfect now.
One of the keys to improving has been has been learning that 1. dad giving this advice in the right way is a skill and 2. daughter hearing the advice in a positive way is a skill. Early on, she took any suggestions as if I didn't think she was doing a good job. I had to learn that she needed to be taught to accept constructive criticism. She's just a kid and didn't know that even the best (particularly the best?) athletes are always critical of their performances looking to improve. In other words, she had to learn that me thinking she is doing great goes hand in hand with having some additional things to practice.
For my own part, I had to learn to squash my own frustration and change my message into something she can hear the right way. 1. Timing - I'm most frustrated right after a game or practice where I see something that needs work, but that's simply the wrong time for me to go to her about it. It never works for us. Even though I most want to get into it then, I have to make myself wait. Enjoy something good from the game or practice and plan how to address the other later. 2. Tone - If I sound the least bit frustrated, that ends our cooperation. I have to stay positive. If I'm honest with myself, I always have higher expectations for her and less patience than with her teammates. I recognize it and do my best to change it. Sometimes I do better than others. 3. Video - It does help us. It's easier for her to look at what I'm showing her for herself with a little guidance, than to hear me describe what she will take to be a list of her faults. Kids are good at the game "one of these things is not like the other."
Example with the video. She has a bad habit with her swing. We've talked about it, worked on it. She's trying to eliminate it but only having mixed success, so she knows I'm looking for it. So after a practice at bat she may look at me and ask if she did it. If I can respond by showing the video where she can see it herself, she can be frustrated at the swing not the messenger. Helps to focus her energy and attention on the swing and not me.
I am learning as I go.
One of the keys to improving has been has been learning that 1. dad giving this advice in the right way is a skill and 2. daughter hearing the advice in a positive way is a skill. Early on, she took any suggestions as if I didn't think she was doing a good job. I had to learn that she needed to be taught to accept constructive criticism. She's just a kid and didn't know that even the best (particularly the best?) athletes are always critical of their performances looking to improve. In other words, she had to learn that me thinking she is doing great goes hand in hand with having some additional things to practice.
For my own part, I had to learn to squash my own frustration and change my message into something she can hear the right way. 1. Timing - I'm most frustrated right after a game or practice where I see something that needs work, but that's simply the wrong time for me to go to her about it. It never works for us. Even though I most want to get into it then, I have to make myself wait. Enjoy something good from the game or practice and plan how to address the other later. 2. Tone - If I sound the least bit frustrated, that ends our cooperation. I have to stay positive. If I'm honest with myself, I always have higher expectations for her and less patience than with her teammates. I recognize it and do my best to change it. Sometimes I do better than others. 3. Video - It does help us. It's easier for her to look at what I'm showing her for herself with a little guidance, than to hear me describe what she will take to be a list of her faults. Kids are good at the game "one of these things is not like the other."
Example with the video. She has a bad habit with her swing. We've talked about it, worked on it. She's trying to eliminate it but only having mixed success, so she knows I'm looking for it. So after a practice at bat she may look at me and ask if she did it. If I can respond by showing the video where she can see it herself, she can be frustrated at the swing not the messenger. Helps to focus her energy and attention on the swing and not me.
I am learning as I go.
